Story: A widower asks a crew of paranormal investigators to help with a presence that seems to be following his family (dad, adorable little boy & useless asshole teen daughter) no matter where they live. Is it the ghost of his wife, or something much more sinister?

Scares: No. But there’s plenty of boredom. This film is unable to deliver any real terror. With cameraman POV & American Horror Story shudder-editing during the scary “bits”, it gets stale fast. Real fast.

Splat Factor: With the crappy camerawork masking probable lack of real skills, and the overuse of sepia and grey filters as well as day-for-night shots, who cares?

Closing Scene “Shocker”?: They try, but with this film’s inability to connect the audience to the characters, it’s really a Closing Scene Whatever.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: though the cameraman POV is a now overused cliché, Apartment 143 is original.

Trick or Treat?: Groovy poster. Listed as a foreign film (though it’s in English it’s from Spain.) Hmm…. Oh dammit. Another shakey-cam film. Which means it’s not found, it’s just all POV from the paranormal crew’s camera. Wasn’t in the mood for this. But it’s only an hour and twenty minutes, so I let it roll. And promptly hated myself for that choice 12 minutes in. Like Charlie Brown, I got a rock.

No characters are worth giving a crap about, not even Dr Paranormal, aka Caddyshack‘s Michael O’Keefe (what’s his character’s name here? Who cares.)

I did love how the film uses the crew talking to the little boy while they’re setting up as their way to describe how all their paranormal doohickies worked. Much better than the usual professorial blowhard as Exposition Fairy.

What really blew it for me in Apartment 143 was when Teen Daughter – either possessed or just having really bad Teenage Bitch PMS – does a few Evil Dead/Exorcist tricks…then cut to everyone eating a quiet breakfast! That sound you hear it me dropping my ability to give a shit about this film.

My favorite Apartment 143 paranormal doohickie? A that’s useful for “making annoying spirits disappear.” Where can I find one of those? It’d sure come in handy right now.

Score: out of 5 pumpkins. Yep, zero.