Don’t accept a friend request from “Unfriended: Dark Web”

UPDATE: apparently there are two endings for this movie.  Sounds like the second one would be more satisfying. (Thank you for the thorough breakdown, The Ringer)   My grade still stands though.  I dislike watching idiots for an hour and a half.

Nutshell: Web is the very definition of a sophomore slump. A great premise gets bogged down by characters that make the term idiotic sound like a compliment. Pity, because a film about people getting sucked into the more unsavory aspects of the internet has real promise. This one has nothing but stupid people doing stupid things. Grade: D-

“Poor schmuck never made it to 69.”
[That’s the type of humor in this film y’all.]

Story: Some guy takes a computer from a coffeehouse’s lost and found because he needs a new one. Hey, that computer has been “sitting there for a couple of weeks”. I’m sure that simply plugging it in and using it will be A-OK.  Why wipe it? Hey, Skype a few of your friends in while you’re at it!  And then check out all those hidden files.  And do even more stupid-ass stuff. When does he die? Continue reading

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Baltimore Screening Pass-palooza: “Teen Titans Go! To The Movies

I won’t lie; I’m a grownup that loves Teen Titans Go! I also won’t like that it’s my niece who got me sucked in.  I ain’t ashamed.  So I’m totally stoked about a movie starring this irreverent crew. But while I won’t be able to make this screening because Foot Surgery Of Ouch, I can give away passes! Synopsis!

When the Teen Titans go to the big screen, they go big!  “Teen Titans GO! to the Movies” finds our egocentric, wildly satirical Super Heroes in their first feature film extravaganza—a fresh, gleefully clever, kid-appropriately crass and tongue-in-cheek play on the superhero genre, complete with musical numbers. It seems to the Teens that all the major superheroes out there are starring in their own movies—everyone but the Teen Titans, that is!  But de facto leader Robin is determined to remedy the situation, and be seen as a star instead of a sidekick.  If only they could get the hottest Hollywood film director to notice them.  With a few madcap ideas and a song in their heart, the Teen Titans head to Tinsel Town, certain to pull off their dream.  But when the group is radically misdirected by a seriously Super-Villain and his maniacal plan to take over the Earth, things really go awry.  The team finds their friendship and their fighting spirit failing, putting the very fate of the Teen Titans themselves on the line!

Ready? Let’s go!

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“Honest Trailers: A Quiet Place”

“Monopoly sucks and will get you killed in the apocalypse.”

Oh god how I love Honest Trailers.  But this one gets two big (quiet) thumbs up from me, because 1) the video addresses how any kind of bodily function will get you killed, and 2) ASL Guy steps in to sign along.  Yeah dig it baby!  But shhh…

 

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Posters for “Mary Queen of Scots” show Mary and Elizabeth ready for battle

Click for high-res images!

(Collage made with FotoJet)

I love historical drama!  And let’s face it, when we’re talking real historical drama, the Mary/Elizabeth rivalry is definitely high drama. So I can’t wait to see how Saoirse Ronan and Margot Robbie do Mary and Elizabeth!

These posters look fantastic, and I love the colors that draw the line between the two. Here’s all the details so far, straight from the studio:

Story: “Mary Queen of Scots” explores the turbulent life of the charismatic Mary Stuart (Ronan). Queen of France at 16 and widowed at 18, Mary defies pressure to remarry. Instead, she returns to her native Scotland to reclaim her rightful throne. But Scotland and England fall under the rule of the compelling Elizabeth I (Robbie).  Each young Queen beholds her “sister” in fear and fascination. Rivals in power and in love, and female regents in a masculine world, the two must decide how to play the game of marriage versus independence. Determined to rule as much more than a figurehead, Mary asserts her claim to the English throne, threatening Elizabeth’s sovereignty. Betrayal, rebellion, and conspiracies within each court imperil both thrones – and change the course of history.
Director: Josie Rourke (artistic director of The Donmar Warehouse)
Writer: Beau Willimon (“The Ides of March,” “House of Cards”), based on Queen of Scots: The True Life of Mary Stuart by John Guy
Producers: Tim Bevan, Eric Fellner, Debra Hayward
Cast:  Saoirse Ronan, Margot Robbie, Jack Lowden, Joe Alwyn, Gemma Chan, Martin Compston, Ismael Cordova, Brendan Coyle, Ian Hart, Adrian Lester, James McArdle, with David Tennant, and Guy Pearce

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Pony News: Thursday events for this year’s BronyCon!!!

Oh everypony. I’m so jealous of y’all.  Because while I’ll be recovering from foot surgery, BronyCon will be throwing down big time.  Cupcake decorating (OMGOMGOMGCUPCAKES), baseball, a mystery room, and the return of the Brony Bar Trot!

Think of me while you’re having fun.  Nah, just go have fun. Read on for the full details!

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Elsewhere Review: “Butterfinger Dark”

Read the original piece here at The Green Man Review!

I love dark chocolate. It’s something everyone knows, because I don’t mind saying so. But I think I’ve found something that has me thinking that perhaps dark chocolate has its limits. Because with Butterfinger Dark, these two great tastes don’t quite make a satisfying whole.

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Baltimore Screening Pass-palooza: “Unfriended: Dark Web”

Okay, so Unfriended was three years ago, and it hasn’t quite gotten me stoked for a re-watch yet, even though it was a fun first viewing. But the concept definitely has promise.  But perhaps with the Dark Web things will get interesting?  Synopsis!

When a 20-something finds a cache of hidden files on his new laptop, he and his friends are unwittingly thrust into the depths of the dark web.  They soon discover someone has been watching their every move and will go to unimaginable lengths to protect the dark web.

Ready? Let’s go!

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