Freaky Fridays – “The Beach House”

Horror, Cult Movies, Exploitation Cinema, 70s Schlock, and more! Let’s look at something cool!

“It’d be vacation all the time – isn’t that what we want? Don’t be scared.”

Genre: Slow Burn Trippy Horror
Year Released: 2020
Where I Watched: Shudder
Pedigree: Echoes of Lovecraftian tales, and The Bay.

Synopsis: Emily and Randall head to Randall’s dad’s beach house to chill, and work on their relationship. But they didn’t know that his dad’s friends Mitch and Jane had been invited to use the house. And all four of them have no idea what what’s rising up out of the water… Or is it all just a really, really bad weed chocolate bar trip?

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“The Marksman”

NOTE: I watched this film via a digital screener from the comfort my own home. Before hitting the multiplex, please consider the health risks involved with participating in group gatherings. Take very good care of yourselves – I wanna see you on the other side.

“Ah, it’s a cruel world.”

Story: Miguel is just a kid living his life in Mexico. But when his mom Rosa gets a call from her brother saying they need to run because the cartel will be after them to “teach [others] a lesson”? They do. Meanwhile in Naco, AZ – right on the border between the USA and Mexico – Jim Hanson raises cattle, tries to avoid foreclosure on his ranch, and reports “IA” crossings to Border Patrol via walkie-talkie. But when Jim sees Rosa and Miguel, things take a turn to the dangerous. Seems the cartel has followed them. Will Jim help? Well, after a bit.

Genre I’d put it in: Clint Eastwood-esque Protection Thrillers

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TrailerWatch – “Barb and Star Go to Vista Del Mar”

Hey, wanna travel? ME TOO. But til then, let’s ride the comical coattails of Kristen Wiig and Annie Mumolo. Because who needs an umbrella drink right now? *views sea of raised hands, including my own*

This film was supposed to be released last summer, but…well, yeah. I’m already in love with young Reyn Doi as Yoyo, the kid with a serious “Guilty” addiction. (Same, kid. Same.)

Synopsis!

Take a trip and break out of your shell with Barb and Star. From the gals who brought you Bridesmaids (co-stars and co-writers Kristen Wiig and Annie Mumolo) comes BARB & STAR GO TO VISTA DEL MAR. Lifelong friends Barb and Star embark on the adventure of a lifetime when they decide to leave their small Midwestern town for the first time…ever. Romance, friendship, and a villain’s evil plot…Hold onto your culottes, BARB & STAR debuts in your home on February 12th!

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Freaky Fridays – “VFW”!

Horror, Cult Movies, Exploitation Cinema, 70s Schlock, and more! Let’s look at something cool!

“Remember the Alamo.”
‘Yeah, but they all died at the Alamo.’
`Dumbshits.`

Where I Watched: Shudder

Genre: Retro-sploitation Action Splatter

Pedigree: Another Fangoria joint.

Synopsis: There’s a new drug on the streets called “Hype”. The addicts are called Hypers, of course. The dealer kingpin guy has his base in an abandoned movie theater across from a VFW, in a part of town where “gunshots are crickets”. But when kingpin carelessly goads a woman to suicide, her sister decides stealing his stash and running is an even payback. Good thing she runs into that VFW, where six old Vets and one newbie are cooling their heals. Because once you walk into the VFW, these soldiers were “duty bound to help you”.

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In Queue Review – CBS All Access’ “The Stand” ep 1-3

“*achoo* Excuse me. Allergies.”

I adore The Stand. I used to read it every single year. And when the expanded edition came out, I snapped it up the instant it was available. It’s one of my top three favorite books, and I even enjoy the TV miniseries from the 90s. So when CBS All Access decided to remake the series? I coughed up my Hard Earned and settled in. And while I’m loving it, I have to think a good percentage of that love is due to the fact that I love this story. And maybe not that it’s a sterling adaptation of King’s tale.

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“Wonder Woman 1984” – definitely not 80s DC, probably kinda boring

This one’s gonna be a quick one, because 1) most folks who’ve been wanting to see this probably already hit HBOMAX hard, and 2) I already spent TWO AND A HALF HOURS on this. So I’m not dragging this out. Enjoy.


“Pace yourself and remember; greatness is not what you think.” (Subtlety, thy name ain’t WW84.

Story: It’s 1984, and Diana Prince is in Washington, DC working at the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History. She meets meek, unassuming Barbara Minerva (MINERVA LIKE THE GODDESS GET IT), who only has one wish; to be as cool as Diana. Luckily, a new item hits Barbs desk courtesy of the FBI. It’s old, and can grant wishes, or so it says on the tin. Yay? Oh, and a narcissistic wannabe oil tycoon wants it. So that’ll be great.

Genre I’d put it in: Sequels That Try Very Hard And Almost Make It

Remake, Sequel, Based-On, or Original: Sequel to Wonder Woman, and part of the DCEU.

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Ho or No? – “A Bride for Christmas”

“I’m awful!”

Genre: “I’ve Given Up On Love…Who Dis?” Holiday Romance

New Holiday Spirit or Ghost of Christmas Past?: Runaway Bride meets She’s All That during Hallmark Christmastime in this comedy of errors romance.

Synopsis: Jessie bolted from three engagements, worried she didn’t feel like they were “The One”. Aiden is a cocksure guy who thinks he can win anything. So when Aiden takes a bet to get engaged to Jessie by Christmas? Well, I’m sure it’ll be fine. Just fine.

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Ho or No? – “Christmas Catch”

“And look, no matter how much you want it, you’re not going to meet Mister Right the same way they do movies.” (Clunky line, but a microcosm of the movie as a whole.)

Where I Watched: Netflix

Genre: Holiday Heist (?) Romance

New Holiday Spirit or Ghost of Christmas Past?: Original. Boring, but original.

Synopsis: Mack wants magic in her meet cute. Serendipity. But she’s too into her detective work to notice the opportunities around her. Until she runs into Carson, who jingles her bells…but will he blend work with play?

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“Greenland”

“Hey John, here it comes!”

Story: Big comet is headed our way y’all! And Bruce Willis John Cusak Dwayne Johnson Gerard Butler’s John Garrity is doing what he can to save his estranged wife Allison and cute son Nathan from the coming “extinction level event”. Cue the CGI madness! Um, you can cue it any time now. Any… Time… *checks watch yet again*

Genre I’d put it in: Disaster Pr0n 

Remake, Sequel, Based-On, or Original: Based on every other disaster movie you’ve seen. 

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“Promising Young Woman” – one incredible film

“You know they put themselves in danger, girls like that.” 

Story: Cassie and Nina grew up together. Went to med school together. And dropped out of med school together, after Nina was horribly raped during a party. Years later, Cassie leads a life of making sure douchey men think twice before taking advantage of women…but then a run-in with a former med-school classmate stokes thoughts of revenge. Revenge served freezing cold.

Genre I’d put it in: Payback’s A Bitch Pitch-Black Comedies

Remake, Sequel, Based-On, or Original: Based on Emerald Fennell’s short film “Careful How You Go”.

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