7 Pieces Of: “Jack Reacher: Never Go Back”

Jack Reacher never go back poster 1Nutshell: Tom Cruise at his Tom Cruise-iest.  Nonstop action, jaw-dropping stunts, lightning-quick pacing, and grrl power smackdowns courtesy of Cobie Smulders and Danika Yarosh. If you’re looking for more than that…what are you doing at a Tom Cruise action fest? Grade: B+

“Let me know when you remember what that uniform stands for.”

Story: Reacher develops a phone rapport with Major Susan Turner (Smulders), an army officer that’s been helping him with his cases.  When he shows up to DC and finds she’s been charged with murder, he goes away and never thinks about it again.  SIKE – he’s hell bent on finding out what the real story is.  Oh, and hey; who’s that 15 year old girl over there?  Probably not your daughter, right?

Genre I’d put it in: Badass Who Loves What He Does FOR AMUUURICA

Remake, Sequel, Based-On, or Orignal: Based on the Jack Reacher series of novels by Lee Child.  A sequel to 2012’s Jack Reacher.

Gotta say: This film had me really thinking about why I like what I like.  I just trashed a film for being formulaic and predictable.  So why do those same exact things fire all my cylinders here?  I came up with an answer.  Go me! Continue reading

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#31in31 2016: The Colony

the-colony“People will do horrible things to survive.”

Story: After a global winter, the lucky ones live in underground “Colonies” where people are safe, and avoiding the flu is literally a way of life. But when one Colony sends an SOS to the only other surviving Colony, and then goes silent? Suddenly the flu ain’t the only thing to worry about. Hey, are those cannibals?

Scares: Not many, just a few “EWWW” scenes for the n00bs.

Splat factor: Cannibals.  So there’ll be body parts hacked up. Continue reading

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TrailerWatch: Logan

What is even happening, you guys. What are we going to do, as a nation, when Hugh Jackman ages out of this role, I ask you.

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#31in31 2016: American Psycho

american-psycho-poster“I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.”

Story: Entitled yuppie scum are bad. Sociopathic yuppie scum are worse. Just ask perfectionist 27 year old psycho, Patrick Bateman. Just don’t visit his place to do it; you may not make it out alive.

Scares: A few, because you never know what Patrick will do next.

Splat factor: Ditto. See: chainsaw.

Closing scene “shocker”?: Not really. But like the book, there’s a sense of ambiguity.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: From the 1991 novel by Bret Easton Ellis. Continue reading

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TrailerWatch: Guardians of the Galaxy 2

gotg2Via Nerdist, we’ve got a sneak peek at the new Guardians of the Galaxy movie coming out next year (ugh), as well as the new poster. Look at baby Groot! Look at how 21 Jump Street they styled this thing! Look at Gamora’s boots – why are they still making the females in this thing wear heels? Because that’s ridiculous!


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#31in31 2016: The Secrets of Emily Blair

the-secrets-of-emily-blair“You wanna do good in this world? You gotta get your hands dirty.”

Story: A nurse got kissed by some possessed dude.  Gotta hate when that happens.  Meanwhile, her fiance notices things aren’t quite right with his lady.  The trail of blood in her wake should be a hint and a half.  Call the priest!

Scares: None.  This film is just disappointment mixed with holy water and regret.

Splat factor: A bit. Think low-budget blood FX; minimal gore to keep FX costs down.

Closing scene “shocker”?: A stupid, pointless post-end credits scene.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Yet another possession film.  But it’s based on nothing. Continue reading

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#HistoryCrushHumpDay: Alexander Hamilton


Image via wikicommons. Look at this fox. What other country has Howard Stark on their money?

I know. I knooooooooow. Done to death. Just so over it. Got it. I totally understand! When I turn on my car and my phone’s plugged in, this song automatically comes on. EVERY SINGLE TIME. FOR LITERALLY A YEAR NOW. It’s infuriating. But! First of all: I have crushed on this man since they came out with the new ten dollar bill (2006, apparently). I got Ron Chernow’s book for Christmas back in like 2004 and gave up somewhere around the Congressional Convention. (Like I have tried to get through this tome so many times.) Honestly, I’ve been obsessed with Alexander Hamilton since the milk commercial aired back in 1993 (I still can’t say “Aaron Burr” without making it sound like my mouth is full of peanut butter, and all my dreams have been crushed). Mostly this is because I erroneously believed he was mixed (not sure where I read that, but it’s weird/cool how slander from the 18th century can find its way to a random kid in the 20th) and was all about mixed people back then (I am mixed, and the only person I knew or saw like me back then, other than my little brother, was a little girl from this very random German movie). Continue reading

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