FAQ’s (Far-from Asinine Questions):
Why do you do this?
Why don’t you post every day?
What’s “7 Pieces” mean? Why do you do these types of reviews?
What’s a “31 in 31”?
What’s your “31 in 31” rating system?
What’s an Exposition Fairy?
“Boogie Nights Syndrome”? Huh?
Why do you say “they naturally escaped, unharmed!”?
How do you get the skinny on stuff?
Can I go to a screening with you?
I wanna send you something! What’s your address?
Because I have a laptop, a website and time on my hands. I blog, therefore I am.
Well, I do this for fun, not profit. I’m rockin’ several chronic illnesses, so there are days when I’m just not up for it. If I had a dime for every article I wanted to write/post/blab about? We’d be having this conversation on my personal yacht. Here, have a virtual mimosa. They’re lovely.
My “7 Pieces Of” reviews are an easy way for me to jot down thoughts about films that I’ve screened. On days when starting a review of a film may end up with me writing 10 pages about something, or when I just want to make sure I
meet a deadline hit all the notes? This is my way to go. Plus it’s easy to jump around to find the bits you’re looking for. My “Review in a Flash” and “What/Why/How” reviews? Same kinda deal. I tend to use “Flash” when I know what I want to say, and what I’ve gotta say ain’t gonna take too long. “WWH” is for films that are either off the beaten track, or so popular that getting you the bare basics is better than a drawn out critique you either won’t care for, or don’t need.
I love horror movies. Good, bad, even the ones that are actually a comedy. Kiddy films, pointless slasher series # infinity, you name it. So I decided to celebrate Halloween Month with a horror review a day. So I guess it’s a thing now. Even got me a shiny banner. Hopefully eerily shiny.
5 pumpkins: pretty much perfect.
4 pumpkins: loved it, would definitely watch it again.
3 pumpkins: liked it/it was okay, might watch it again, especially if there’s a theme night involved.
2 pumpkins: oof. Time wasted. A re-watch only if a group drinking game was involved, or if I lost a bet.
1 pumpkin: hated it. Would never watch again.
0 pumpkins: give me my time back, you bastards!
And yeah, I give half-pumpkins. Because sometimes a film is just okay, but I’d totally watch it again. Maybe it’s excellent but not quite deserving of a perfect 5. Or, it ruined my last few hours but I’m not quite rocking in the foetal.
That’s someone or something in a film/book/whatever that serves to lay out the world for readers, or to help characters along by giving them all the information they need about fill-in-the-blank. *TING* Instantly, there’s the info you/then need! Deux ex Details!
I’ll often use the term to let readers know that this scene/issue/character is there to fill in knowledge gaps you may have, or to let you know that you’ll need to give an issue/episode some slack (or scorn) if it’s story is just beginning (or running itself into the ground). A great but gamer-centric description can be found over at TV Tropes.
Way back when Boogie Nights came out, everyone and his mom told me that I “need to see it”, “it’s fantastic”, “you’ll be blown away” and “I can’t believe you haven’t seen it yet, it’s amazing!” So when I finally caught it (on HBO) I expected a-MAY-zing. And I got good. So? I was disappointed.
If I hadn’t had so many people climbing up my ass to tell me how stupendous Boogie Nights was before I’d seen it, I would have liked it. As it stands, it still disappoints the crap out of me, as I expected sheer perfection and blown-away-ed-ness. So films that have had a lot of smoke blown before a premiere/I’ve seen it? May suffer from this Syndrome.
And I will try to avoid dumping Boogie Nights Syndrome superlatives onto films you haven’t seen yet. But no promises.
Because I love Fat Albert. And so anytime an action/horror/whateverall hero seems to shake off his or her injuries a bit too easily, I think this:
I’m lucky enough to get to sign up for press info, and get invited to press screenings. I’ve also had the good fortune to meet extremely nice folks that work as convention staff, and are nice enough to grant me press access. So basically it boils down to dumb luck.
Dunno; can you? No seriously, give me a heads-up and we’ll see. You *do* live in my area, right? Otherwise if you’re willing to spring for me to get to you, it’s on like Donkey Kong.
I can’t promise I’ll review/post it, but I do promise to love it and squeeze it and call it George. If you’re an author/artist/studio type/PR angel/person that aspires to any of that, hit me up on firstname.lastname@example.org. I’ll send you my addy.