Story: Read the title. Got it?

Scares: I was so busy marveling at the complete budgetless-ness of this movie that I had no time to be scared.

Splat Factor: Zombie movies usually means gore.  But all the Hershey’s Syrup in the world doesn’t make a film seem splatty.

“Shock” Ending?: Nope.  Or one that was so dull it didn’t even register.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Though the title — and the movie itself — is a shameless way to jump on the big-budget Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter bandwagon, this particular film stands alone. Nobody else would want to get close to it.

Trick or Treat?: Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies is tantamount to knocking on a door on Halloween and getting a cheap toothbrush.  You have to marvel at the balls it takes to make that decision, but that doesn’t mean you gotta like it.

The director doesn’t even bother to take out things like gas meters and circuit boxes out in post. Which probably means they didn’t have the know-how or the software. Probably both.I think the only cinematographer this film had was Picasa’s auto contrast.

Even though this is a film that’s so obviously made with a budget of about $150, Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies moves along on the steam of it’s own sheer audacity. It’s got horrible acting, non-existent set design and bad makeup (Honest Abe’s mole looks like it’s first film gig was as the wart in  Uncle Buck, when it’s not disappearing entirely.  And don’t get me started on the spirit-gum-glued beards.)  To add insult to injury the whole film IS PLAYED STRAIGHT. But it’s so sure of itself it’s like a train wreck; it’s impossible to look away from the awful.  You could just kick back and see if you can add to the Goofs section of this film’s IMDb page.  I’m sure there are tons more that folks have missed.

Score: out of 5 pumpkins.