Story: Hey, I’m back from my science thing in New Guinea! I brought back a strange, huge skeleton! I’m sure it won’t kill anything. Hey, why is it growing skin where I put water on it? Oh well, I’m sure it’ll be a really Good Thing. Wait — it’s the Essence Of Pure Evil? Let me inject my daughter with a serum I made from that icky blood! What could possibly go wrong?

Scares: This movie freaked me the hell out when I was a kid. Sadly, there’s nary a chill to be found nowadays. Chalk it up to a silly plot and unintentionally hilarious FX. (The “creeping flesh” finger really looks like the creeping dildo. And once that got into my head, there was no getting to any kind of scary.) The scariest moment? The start of the film, with it’s acid-trip painting that hints at what’s to come.

See what I mean?

Splat Factor: Just some funky skin “growing” on a skeleton, and a few bits of bright red “blood” that looks like elementary school tempera paint, and a few bits of grue here and there. One cool bit at the big finish, when you see the skeleton in all it’s “creeping flesh” glory? Kinda cool. But by then I’d already giggled myself to death.

Closing scene “shocker”?: Indeed there is. Though if you’ve peeked at the Wiki on this film it’s already spoiled for you. But if not? It’s a great twist that wraps the crazy train ride of this film up pretty well.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: It’s from 1973, so it feels original. And it is.

Trick or Treat?: It’s like a candy you loved as a kid, but then try it as an adult and it’s just not as good.  The Creeping Flesh is one step (and a very small one) away from MST3K territory. Why though? This movie has all the 70s Gothic goin’ on; a freakish skeleton, an insane asylum, a family with a history of madness…. And Peter Cushing & Christopher Lee. But I have to admit that I fell asleep three quarters of the way in. I woke up, drank a Coke, and got back to business. But the story feels slow and strange, and not the good strange. No, it’s not that I’m an MTV Kid that can’t focus on things for long — SQUIRREL! — but it’s the weird, aimless story that seems like a cut-and-paste job from several different edits of the screenplay.

There’s definite Lovecraft-ian moments here, especially with the skeleton/creature and the whole “pure evil” thing. However, with so much going on, there’s little to hold on to. Lee and Cushing definitely class up the joint, expecially with their sibling one-upmanship, but this one’s for Lee/Cushing shippers only. Or anyone into cheesy claymation-lite FX.

Score:  out of 5 pumpkins. It gets an extra pumpkin because of Lee and Cushing.