“I’m sleepwalking, I must wake up. I’m sleepwalking, I must…”

Story: Out in the wilds of “The Swiss Transylvania” (not a real thing), young Jennifer begins life at a boarding school. But the area has had a spate of missing girls. Girls just like Jennifer. Though nobody is quite like our young protagonist. What do you mean, she’s talking to that bumblebee?

Scares: I hope you’re cool with maggots. Like, super cool.
Splat Factor:  Dario. Argento. Of course it’s bloody. And bloody surreal.

Subgenre: 80s Argento Goodness
Year Released: 1985
Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Original. Seriously, only Argento could come up with this.

Trick or Treat?: Phenomena (a shortened version is known as Creepers in the USA), has been called “bonkers” by a whole lot of reviewer-types. And boy howdy, that’s accurate. It’s also a complete blast if you’re into Giallo, and just a crazy good time if you’re into surreal 80s horror. Emphasis on crazy. If you haven’t seen an Argento film before, Phenomena is probably the most accessible of his films. And since I’m gonna talk about a film that’s about a girl with psychic powers that can “talk” to insects, and that has a monkey nurse as a major character? I hope you get exactly how beautifully gonzo Argento’s ourvre is.

Don’t try to make sense of the story. It’s Argento. FEEL the story, or at least let the gonzo story take you where it wants you to go. Phenomena is crammed full of, well, everything, and that’s what makes Argento so much fun to watch. Like Forrest’s momma used to say, you never know what you’re gonna get. So I won’t go too far into the story, not simply because it’s kinda hard to really explain. But because getting these WTF moments without preamble is the best way to enjoy this film.

15 year old Jennifer Connelly, and her glorious hair, plays Jennifer. This is her first big role, and she makes the most of it. I can’t really dissect her performance here, as Argento is more about mood and setting than his performers. Yet you can see the star quality shining out at you from the screen. Pleasence’s Professor John McGregor, the entomologist that helps Jennifer investigate the missing girls, looks like a mashup of Loomis and Blofeld, though with a kindness that’s touching. John knows Jennifer is all alone, and takes it upon himself to become her Swiss Dad. It’s really quite sweet. (He also has some narration in the film, which doesn’t stick around. Narration? We don’t know her.)

But sweetness only lasts so long. There’s lots of maggots – did I mention that? I’m mentioning it again because that’s big here. There’s also a firefly that Studio Ghibli’s Jennifer to evidence of a murder. A chimpanzee nurse that was apparently a bugger to work with on-set. And, of course, wild-ass jump-scare kills that make Giallo a favorite subgenre for slasher fans. Phenomena is crammed full of crazy ideas, and damn if they don’t make sense after you’ve turned your brain off and decided to take a ride. As for the gore? The blood is dialed down here, but this film more than makes up for that with maggots. I cannot stress enough how maggot-y this gets. The climax of the film is not for the faint of buggy heart. Even my hard to shock self had to put down my caramel apple for a moment or two.

Giallo is known for it’s crazy-cool musical scores, and Phenomena doesn’t disappoint. The great Italian electronic pop/metal soundtrack led by Argento’s frequent collaborator Goblin amps things up nicely, but they’re not the only stars here. There’s also Iron Maiden, Bill Wyman, Motörhead, and probably one of the best band names ever, Sex Gang Children. And honey, the costumes? Armani. That’s right – Giorgio Armani was the costume designer. Damn. So when you’re drooling over the amazing linen shirts the girls wear, or a sweater vest that’s so perfect it looks like it was shaped by God? That’s why. (My favorite is John’s assistant’s coat she borrows one night. Love the coat, love the rhinestone pin, love everything about it.)

Phenomena isn’t well known outside horror fan circles. That’s a shame. It’s not Argento’s best – for me that’s Suspiria, with Tenenbrae a close second – but it is a completely enjoyable film firmly in his campy 80s era. Follow it up with Demons if you want a truly bonkers night.

Score: 3.5 out of 5 pumpkins.