31 horror movies.  One for each day in October.  How hard can it be….

Story: I know what you did on Halloween at Camp Crystal La…oh you know the story.  Girls gone wild.  Girls inadvertently kill fellow pledge in a dumbass move.  Or DID they?  Well, on graduation day somebody knows what happened, and isn’t exactly down with it.  (Dum da DUMMMMM!)

Scares: A few shockers, but of the sudden appearance kind rather than the highly superior real chills kind.  They do try to deliver though, so this movie gets an extra point for effort.  Plus, I’ll never look at a tire iron in quite the same way.  The next time I get a flat tire, I’m screwed.

Splat factor:  A trickle.  This feels like a movie that tried for a PG-13 rating, failed, then decided to amp the nekkid factor instead of the FX.  Hey, boobies are cheaper than special effects artists!  But as someone who has a pair she can look at anytime, I’d rather they had amped the gore a notch or two.  There are a few cool kills though, including one where you can see the blade go in under the chin, then see it in the mouth, then see it removed.  Applause goes to FX coordinator Steve Riley & his band of awesomeness for that one.

Closing Scene “Shocker”: A’yup.  And it’s a yawner.

Remake, Sequel or OG?: It’s a remake of 1983’s The House on Sorority Row.

Trick or Treat?: Call this one a handful of M&M’s at the bottom of your bag.  It’s a great treat, but the execution is lacking.  The prologue is so inexplicably stupid that I found myself rooting for their deaths almost immediately.  I understand payback, but nobody in her right mind would’ve let that prank go that far.  So after tainting the redshirts bodybags sorority sisters, we’re supposed to care if they die?  Not so much.  The heroine of the bunch is so blindingly Good amidst the rest of the obnoxious dreck she calls sisters that it’s obvious who’ll survive.  The fact that these college educated girls are dumb as rocks (I”ll wade through shoulder-deep foam to shut off the jacuzzi!  I know there’s a killer gunning for us, but what the heck?) shouldn’t be a shock in a slasher pic, but they’re so brain dead and bitchy that I was rooting for Darwinism to take a firm hand posthaste. Still, I’m kinda liking Sorority Row. Scream rules apply: you drink, you die.  You do drugs, you die.  You’re a jerk, you die.  You know the drill.  Carrie Fisher plays the sorority house mother, and she’s fantastic. And any IMDb credits list that has “Bra-Clad Sister” numbero uno automatically gets a thumbs up from me for sheer coolness.

This is a great 80’s flashback of a film, with it’s cast of moronic characters getting their comeuppance old-school style, just don’t expect more than you would any other film and you’ll have a good time.

Score: out of 5 pumpkins.