Story: Beautiful women have gone missing in the city of Turin, Italy. Soon it’s obvious that there’s a serial killer on the loose. But not your usual serial killer…”a trapper”. That doesn’t bode well for the latest woman who’s gone missing.

Scares: Nary a one. A few jumpy shocks maybe, but scares? Nada.

Splat factor: Though most of the torture pr0n occurs off-screen, there’s still a bit of gore here. It IS Dario Argento, after all.

Closing scene “shocker”?: Only when you’ve noticed how much time has gone by and you think about what else you could have been doing.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: OG. If you can call this original.

Trick or Treat?:  Dario. Serial killer. A no-brainer, right?  Uh, well.  Like a predictable boyfriend, this film hits all the spots, but in the usual, expected manner. Giallo feels like a self-important,travelog version of Law & Order: SVU.  But as giallo means “yellow” and is also used to describe the crime fiction genre in Italy, that shouldn’t be too surprising.

There are three things that are simply awesome in this movie though.  Location, location, location!  Italy is simply beautiful, and even though this movie is a wash, the settings aren’t.  Example: the kidnapped sister’s apartment.  Lookit that view! Damn, I’d watch an hour and a half of a camera shooting out that window. Fek me that’s gorgeous.

As the woman who’s looking for her missing sister & the police detective working on the case, Emmanuelle Seigner and Adrian Brody are mismatched, acting wise. It’s like pairing a high school bit player with an Oscar winner. In fact, it’s probably just like that.  Oh, and the weird looking killer is also played by Brody, who looks like he had to spend a few hours in the makeup chair to pull double-duty.  (Don’t worry; that tidbit is something you’d have guessed on your own five minutes into the film.)

Hey, with Adrian Brody at least this is better than the bizarre yawnfest Four Flies on Grey Velvet.  So Giallo has that goin’ for it.  Sadly, Brody had to sue to get paid for this film.  Which is a hint & a half on how well this puppy did at the box office.

Score: out of 5 pumpkins.