#HistoryCrushHumpDay: Alexander Hamilton


Image via wikicommons. Look at this fox. What other country has Howard Stark on their money?

I know. I knooooooooow. Done to death. Just so over it. Got it. I totally understand! When I turn on my car and my phone’s plugged in, this song automatically comes on. EVERY SINGLE TIME. FOR LITERALLY A YEAR NOW. It’s infuriating. But! First of all: I have crushed on this man since they came out with the new ten dollar bill (2006, apparently). I got Ron Chernow’s book for Christmas back in like 2004 and gave up somewhere around the Congressional Convention. (Like I have tried to get through this tome so many times.) Honestly, I’ve been obsessed with Alexander Hamilton since the milk commercial aired back in 1993 (I still can’t say “Aaron Burr” without making it sound like my mouth is full of peanut butter, and all my dreams have been crushed). Mostly this is because I erroneously believed he was mixed (not sure where I read that, but it’s weird/cool how slander from the 18th century can find its way to a random kid in the 20th) and was all about mixed people back then (I am mixed, and the only person I knew or saw like me back then, other than my little brother, was a little girl from this very random German movie).

And then they come out with this ten dollar bill and I’m like um excuse me who dis. Straight up ask anyone who went to college with me, if I called them Alexes. Because I did. Still do.We tight like that. I am, I repeat, a very cool person, and I have crushes on currency. But then again, this is not a controversial opinion. (I could have just linked to like, fanfic or fan art but I am at work and I’m not going down for sharing porn thank you very much.) By the way take this quiz and see which Founding Father is your soul mate? Mine is apparently George Washington, which: nah I’m good. No slave owners need apply.

Yes, dude is famous for inventing, like, the way American moneys, and cheating on his wife. Not cool. (Eliza might as well have been a saint, even though I’m not feeling any of her songs in the musical – closest one is Burn, and only the part where she’s like, “you’ll sleep in your office instead…I hope that you burn” because FINALLY Eliza I hope you are saying that because you set said office on fire.) I’m not even going to tell you about him because I am sure you know. But! Come on. Look at that choice jawline. Those thin ass lips. That one eyebrow that kind of looks like he’s thinking either “I could hit it” or “oh shit he didn’t throw away his shot”. (Too soon?) Look at the way he is rocking that cravatty ribbon thing around his neck. Just…look at that mug.


If you do want to know more about him…yo like, walk outside. But I would like to point you to this fun podcast, hosted by Travon Free and Mike Drucker, where they are literally discussing every song in the show with a different person – folks they’ve already interviewed include John Hodgman, Adam Savage, Ron Chernow himself, Kristen Chenoweth, and even actors from the Broadway show – I know Jonathan Coulton and I believe Gregory Maguire will be on, and they’re trying to get the Obamas to come talk about “One Last Time” (god I hope that happens). I’m learning all sorts of stuff I didn’t notice the first time I saw the show, or heard when I listened to the soundtrack 8,0364,093 times. So I highly recommend that. (They started dreamcasting the movie version of the musical, so I threw my 2 cents in with my janky ass photoshopping of Yuna as Eliza – y’all. Her album. So good.)

Not much else to say. The dude on the $10 bill is hot, basically.


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