“There once was a time when there was honor in Rome. That Rome no longer exists.”

Story: 16 years after the death of Marcus Aurelius (and the events of Gladiator), the Roman Empire is led by twin emperors Caracalla and Geta are living lives of excess. Meanwhile, a large number of those in Rome are starving in the streets. In Numidia, young married couple Hanno and Arishat gear up for battle against the Roman army’s lust for conquest. At Arishat’s death, Hanno swears revenge on the general who killed her…but first? Hanno must survive the gladiatorial arena. Is there more to Hanno than meets the eye? I mean, duh.

Genre I’d put it in: Fanfic Historical-ish Sequels
Release Date: 2024
Remake, Sequel, Based-On, or Original: Sequel to 2000’s Gladiator. Extremely loosely based on Roman history in and around the hear 200 AD. Like, there are a few characters that actually existed in real life, and Rome is a thing.

Gotta say: For men, the Roman Empire has become a kind of jokey way to talk about something that everyone seems to be fascinated by. I’m more of a medievalist myself, but I do love a good toga. When Ridley Scott decided to re-visit his smash hit Gladiator, I wasn’t too sure it’d be worth my hard-earned; of late, he’s been more miss than hit when it comes to Glorious Epics. But hey, I don’t pay to see these things! So I decided to check this out. And if you’re looking for more of everything the first film had to offer? Baby, you’ve come to the right place.

There’s just enough gloss of historical…things to make this film feel like it’s stuffed with historicalness. There’s also a slew of inaccuracies that may make historians blanch, but definitely amp up the entertainment value. We’ve got rhinos, American accents, sharks, and paper newspapers in cafes. But who cares? We’re here for a modern day bread and circus, and in that, II delivers. Scream II‘s Randy Meeks could have easily transposed his thoughts about horror sequels to this II; the body count is indeed bigger, the death scenes are more elaborate, with more blood and gore. “Carnage candy”, babyeeeee!

Screenwriter David Scarpa wrote typed out the screenplay for Napoleon, and the same sort of mismanaged narrative chaos is here in II. Scarpa’s method seems to be a simple one; when you’re not sure what story to go with? Select “All”. Then have Scott add sharks and Denzel to the mix, so folks are focused on the shiny, rather than silly things like theme and plot progression. In the original film, the story focused on Maximus and his revenge against Emperor Commodus. Here, we’ve got Honno’s revenge, Honno’s backstory, Senatorial intrigue, the General’s ennui, the relationship between the twin emperors, the machinations of Honno’s handler/owner Macrinus …. Yeah, it’s a lot. Between Scott’s rapid-fire editing and Scarpa’s extremely light touch with storytelling – where getting to a point or conclusion is more a suggestion than a rule – there’s only one thing holding this film together, and it’s the battles.

And hoo boy, are they glorious. Yes, II is gorier than the original film. We get deep wounds sewn up Rambo-style. There are entrails, throats mauled, blood seeping into the sand, hands and heads hacked off, and various weapons thrust through various bodies. But the real star of this show is the fight choreography, the enormous practical effects coupled with finely detailed CGI, and the sound editing that makes everything sound like you’re in the Colosseum. II is not only a worthy successor to the first film in this regard, but surpasses it in sheer scale and creativity. See: sharks and rhinos.

The cast seems to enjoy the hell out of digging into this swords-and-sandals story, especially Denzel Washington as the delightfully Machiavellian Macrinus. He knows this is high budget camp, and plays to the cheap seats accordingly. Paul Mescal’s Hanno is a doe-eyed warrior looking for justice against Pedro Pascal’s General, and while that would have been the big climax in the first film – and was – it’s just the end of act two here, leaving Mescal in search of meaning in the second half. Meanwhile, the story wants Pascal’s General to be sympathetic, yet still wants us to root for Honno’s bloodlust. It makes for a tepid, one-sided rivalry, no matter how intensely the performers throw themselves into their roles.

It’s nice to see Connie Nielsen reprise her role as Lucilla, though as with the first film, she’s given little to do other than look concerned, heartbroken, and/or winsomely determined. Hey, it’s better than poor Yuval Gonen’s Arishat, who simply gets fridged so her hubby has a storyline to pursue. Special shout-out to Matt Lucas as the Colesseum’s Master of Ceremonies. His delightfully ostentatious character typifies the excesses of the current regime, and Lucas looks like he’s having a ball every second he’s on screen.

If you squint, you can see the briefest glint of a message amongst the action.  Ideas of humanity, duty, and what it means to be an honorable country rise to the surface here and there, only to sink back down so the film can focus on it’s visual glories. Prolly inadvertent, but they do exist; Scott knows full well that his days of thematic storytelling died with Commodus. And that’s okay. We all need a little spectacle sometimes. Especially if the cast gets to chew things all the way up in-between moments of shiny distraction. This is peak turn-your-brain-off cinema, glorious excess for the award season crowd. Are you not entertained?

#Protip: Something that feels so absolutely bombastic that it had to be a Scott exclusive, but really happened in ancient Rome? Naval battle reenactments. Though there are debates as to whether or not these reenactments occurred in the Colosseum, they did indeed happen.