“I love you.”

Story: Once upon a time, there was a little boy named Jason. He wasn’t a very good swimmer, and his mom got really mad about that. Like emotionally and mentally. Wanna know what happened immediately after Jason’s death (and learn more about how he came to be)? BOOM.

Scares: The usual “when is [character] getting slaughtered” stuff.
Splat Factor: This is a Friday the 13th joint. So, yes. Creatively, and wetly.

Subgenre: Based On The Movie Miniseries
Year Released: 2026
Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Based on the Friday the 13th franchise, but especially the original 1980 film and it’s Part 2 sequel.

Trick or Treat?: This one’s for all my Peacock streaming folks, and my Voorhees fans. Here, have a list of my thoughts. You’re welcome?

• The entire cast is amazing, and put 110% into their performances.
• Linda Cardellini threads the line between crazy, maternal love, and grief. It’s fascinating to watch.
• As Chief Lee and his sister Briana, William Catlett and Devin Kessler have hilariously believable sibling chemistry. But what I really want is a 21st century Night Stalker series that follows Briana as she investigates crimes.
• Whoever styled Hamish Linklater’s fuck-ass wigs should be arrested for assault. And if that’s his actual hair? That stylist should be told that rubber cement is not an acceptable substitute for mousse.
• Costuming obviously had a blast with the late 50s to early 70s fashions. I’m still drooling over a particular red/gold/green gown Pam wears in a flashback.
• The kills are amazing. The details of exactly what just got given some fresh air are disgustingly vivid. Hooray for no ratings board for cable miniseries!
• Having “Crazy Ralph” be a vet suffering from PTSD living in the woods away from everybody is a nice way to show why he’s cracked up, and how Jason keeps his outfits fresh. (Spoiler: wash-line thievery)
• Jason’s origin story feels silly, because it doesn’t seem to know if the vibe is supposed to be Don’t Worry Darling or Rosemary’s Baby.
• I kinda love the hippies subplot; it not only adds to the ultimate kill count, but adds to the whole “how did Pamela not get busted years ago” thing.
• The series ends with the main storyline wrapped up nicely, but it could pave the way for a second season if the producers pushed. They shouldn’t though.
• Chronologically? Think of Crystal Lake as a lead-up to and redo of the original film, then jump to Part 2. That canoe scene from the 1980 film would not work with this new story.

Would I recommend Crystal Lake? If you’re a Friday the 13th dilettante who wouldn’t mind an alternate origin of the main killers, go for it. This is sure to piss off a slew of fans who’ll pick up on all the in-universe “errors”. But as a franchise that has sent our boy to space, and had him battle Freddy? I’m a bit more forgiving. Especially with so much obvious love for Jason and his mom that’s shown in every episode.

Score: 3.5 out of 5 pumpkins.