There are movies that you know are gonna be fantastic. Then there are movies that you hope will be fantastic, but you have a sneaking suspicion Hollywood could really screw the pooch on this movie with little to no effort. I was definitely in the latter camp with Ted, but fortunately it’s a good-time film that will make Seth MacFarlane fans very happy and leave everyone else in the theater with a ton of off-color laughs. Does it kinda feel like a two hour live version of tv’s Family Guy? Well, yeah. But we’re talking about the story of a living, toking (no, I didn’t mean talking, though he does that too) teddy bear here, so that’s not a bad thing.
Picture this: a beautiful Christmas Day in Boston. Snow on the ground, kids bundled up tight against the cold, Patrick Stewart’s soothing Shakespearean voice narrating the festivities. And a little boy wishing on a Christmas star that his beloved teddy bear could be his living, breathing best friend forever. Ahh, Currier & Ives, right? Uh, back it up a sec. This is, after all, Seth MacFarlane’s Boston, so you know something’s coming. Sure enough, before you can say “isn’t that sweet?”, there’s a flurry of crude, made all the funnier by Stewart’s deadpan delivery. The crude, unapologetic humor only snowballs — taking a winter motif and running with it y’all — from there. As the years go by, little John Bennett and his pal Ted go from sweet playtime buddies to beer-n-bong bros. Cut to present day, and John’s girlfriend of 4 years wants John to grow up and not spend so much time (getting stoned) with Ted. Let’s see how far that gets her.
Bairns, bodhrans and brogues…. Doesn’t everyone want to be in Scotland? Disney/Pixar is really hoping you do, with the release of their newest animated feature, Brave. I liked it. But I really, really wanted to love it. So that’s where the empty little hole in my soul is coming from. Though it is good to see that archery is the new black this season, with Brave taking up the bow & quiver alongside Katniss from The Hunger Games and Hannah’s…Hannah. Why before you know it, we’ll even get the vote!
Princess Merida is an adorable little thing. She’s the apple of her father the King’s eye, but she doesn’t exactly do what her mother the Queen would like. And by that I mean Merida does the opposite, railing against the inhumanity of it all. So when Merida is “of marrying age” (as always with Disney, it’s somewhere between the first blush of puberty and 18), she’s not too happy about being fixed up with some
kid guy she doesn’t know. So she decides to take matters into her own hands, and as you’d expect this lands her in situations that she never expected.