Well, it’s all done for this year. The little gold men have been handed out, and Hollywood is sleeping off it’s Oscar parties hangover. What did we learn this year?
* If you’re a famous actress, it’s pretty much guaranteed that Seth MacFarlane has seen your boobs. Well, we all have. And I for one friggin’ loved that song. Hello folks: the actresses he “singles out” are in on the joke — notice that they’re all wearing other dresses than the ones they were wearing that evening. I want this song on my iPod. Because it’s exactly what I’m thinking each time I see a pair flashed in a film. I’m 5. And I love you, Seth. Speaking of boobs….
* Anne Hathaway needs to hire a different stylist. All I could do was stare at her pointy, dart-enhanced chest each time she was on camera. I just wanted to take her aside and slip her a wrap or something; anything to cover that up ’til she could change. Oh, and that dress didn’t do her glorious Tiffany necklace any favors. In fact, that dress looked like a Project Runway fail. Though I don’t think it’s the worst Oscar dress of all time, someone from Prada is gettin’ fired.
* Oh, and any young starlet who needs fashion tips should hit up Jane Fonda or Barbra Streisand. Because those women know how to bring it, and bring it classy. The fact that they’re older women who still look like they’re in their prime? Hell, everyone can use a tip or three from them. And probably a hook-up with their dermatologists.
* It’s official: Jennifer Lawrence can do anything and I’ll think it’s awesome. Well, maybe not what The Onion did, but then I’ve gotta think she’s better than that. But when JLaw fell up the stairs on her way to grab her Oscar…she was adorable. Even when she was so twitterpated she shrugged off Hugh Jackman (another actor who can always be counted on for the awesome), she pulled it together and gave an acceptance speech that was sweet, honest and brief. Yay Katniss!
* This was the year to die if you were a Hollywood player. Because BARBRA. If you didn’t well up during her heartfelt personal tribute to the late Marvin Hamlisch? You are dead inside. Dead.
* This year’s Oscars was produced by the folks that brought you Chicago. Why else do such a brazen kiss-ass to a movie that’s 10 years old? But Catherine Zeta-Jones? Still got it, chica.
* This was definitely an Oscars for The Gays. And it was AWESOME. Because seriously; Barbra, Chicago, Dreamgirls (Jennifer Hudson may be skinny now, but she’s lost none of her vocal power) and Les Miz all had showstopping numbers. Yes, chuckle at Russell Crowe if you like, but any time I get to peek at my beloved Enjolras is a good time. He didn’t have the scruffy hair I adore this go-round, but he’s still hot and I’ll just stop talking about him right now.
* Ben Affleck is classy as hell. Winning for Best Picture (which nabbed him an Oscar, along with fellow producers including George Clooney), he was humble but grateful. And never once mentioned the Best Director snub. That’s the way to win y’all.
* Kristin Chenoweth needs to pop a lithium every once in a while. I adore Kristin, but as a Red Carpet host she came off as manic and flustered. Broke my heart. At the end of the ceremony she joined Seth in a singing to “the losers” of the evening, a great idea in concept but fell flat. Bless her heart. I hope she got a little something extra in her gift basket for having to sing that borderline rude send-off.
* Seth is best when he’s allowed to be himself. Don’t push him to “be hilarious”, don’t make him do jokes even he finds offensive. (At one point in the show he actually paused and said “I thought this was cut, we’re really gonna do this one?”) As the evening went on he looked more at ease, and I hope he’s not getting too much negative blowback from what was a pretty decent hosting gig. Sexist? Sure, a little. But hello, it wasn’t even Friar’s Club worthy.
I’ma re-watch that Les Miz Oscar footage again, and then see if I can find “We Saw Your Boobs” on iTunes.