I’m guessing the pitch meeting went a little something like this:

“Yeah, a film about emojis.  Yes, the things you use on your phone when you text.  It is completely stupid, but think of the merchandising!”  Aaaaand, sold.

Looks like the usual “become who you are” kids film trope, along with practically every cliche you’ve ever seen in a film aimed at the kid/tween set. But with Poo Emoji, because basic scatological humor is so 2016.

Why does this movie exist?  And Jesus Christ, they got quality talent like T.J. Miller, Anna Faris and SIR PATRICK STEWART to lend their voices. Where’s a headdesk emoji when I need one?

The Emoji Movie hits theaters July 28th, 2017*. And probably hits streaming services two weeks later, max.

*I know the poster says August 8th. Apparently this film isn’t top on the studio’s radar; I’m sure they’ll fix things with a new poster soon. Probably.