“You know, the God, he works in very mysterious ways.”

Story: It’s 1987. Pope John Paul II is sitting in the big chair, And Father Gabriele Amorth is his #1 guy. And by that I mean his official exorcist. But Amorth believes most possessions are the work of mental and/or physical issues, not spiritual ones. So wanna guess what happens when he’s sent to Castile, Spain, to check out a little boy who’s been acting strangely ever since his family moved from America to an old abbey they’d inherited? Yep. Yep.

Scares: Possibly for noobs. But otherwise, seasoned viewers will just delight in the fun.
Splat factor: Possessed – and maybe not possessed – people literally looking bloody horrible, and lots of the red stuff at the bombastic climax.
Closing scene “shocker”?: only if you think the hint of sequels is terrifying
Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: though Father Gabriele Amorth is a real person this story is original… But the possession tropes are familiar.
Year Released: 2023

Trick or Treat?: I’ve seen a whole lot of bashing on this film, so I figured I’d give myself permission to check it out for Hallo-month. Hey, can’t be worse than Pot Zombies, amirite? And while there’s a lot going on here and yet very little plot, I enjoyed the ride for what it is. Silly, overblown horror that almost takes itself too seriously.

I say almost, because damn if Crowe doesn’t all but wink at the camera as Amorth. He’s serving up the hammiest ham, and his ability to tread the line between serious and self-aware is *chef’s kiss*. Exorcist plays up the fact that Amorth is the Bad Boy of the Vatican, always pushing the limits, eye-rolling at those in charge, and going his own way because he and His Popeness are BFFs. Crowe still treats the character like the real human being he is, but seems to understand that this “inspired by” film took every single solitary liberty known to man during this film’s creation. So we got a film that’s absolutely crackerjacked, yet solidly watchable if you’re into that sort of absolute bonkers, messy garbage. And honey, I am.

I loved the abbey the family-in-plight inherited; it’s got a solid mix of creepy-spooky and “but it’s got potential” HGTV vibes. But wow there are a lot of subplots…no. They’re not fleshed out enough to be subplots. They’re more intriguing window dressing that interrupts action sequences. So there’s a lot of that going on here, and while I understood shoehorning them in? (We’ve gotta have some things the demon/s use to mess with Amorth and his requisite plucky young priest-helper, y’know.) This hour and forty-five minute film seems to misuse its time, so they’re messy rather than meaningful. But whoa – did that character just fly through the air? Yeah baby, gimme that right there.

Exorcist is a perfect Halloween watch. It’s just interesting enough to let yourself get sucked in if that’s what you’re in the mood for, and the “Catholicism did an oopsie” twist to the genre had me intrigued. But it’s so over-the-top that only the most lily-livered types will find anything truly spooky, especially if they’re watching with friends. This film seems to know what it wants to do, and that’s give you a helluva fun ride. And the succeed for the majority of the runtime. I can’t be mad at you, movie. You’re too much of a hoot.

Plus, who doesn’t love The Cult? “She Sells Sanctuary” kicks off the post-opening credits, and while this song’s way too on the nose for this film? As the story is set in 1987, I’ll allow it. In fact, the diegetic soundtrack we hear thanks to Henry and Amy and their Walkmans is a lovely handful of retro goodness at the start of the film.  

Score: 3.5 out of 5 pumpkins.