“Oh my God, I’m too stoned for this.”

Story: In 1973, a group of twenty somethings are on the way to a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, when they picked up a suicidal hitchhiker. Things go from bad to really, really bad when they try to call the Sheriff. Was that a chainsaw I heard just now?

Scares: Well crafted and plentiful.
Splat Factor: This remake definitely makes up for the lack of onscreen stuff in the original. Not for the faint of heart.

Subgenre: Shockingly Good Horror Remakes
Year Released: 2003
Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Remake of Tobe Hooper’s OG film of the same name.

Trick or Treat?: I have to admit that I skipped this film when it hit theaters. I figured it would be a trash fire. But as this is the 20th anniversary of this film? I decided to give it a chance, and I’m glad I did. This is a damn good film on its own, and an even better remake of a classic. The story is the same as the OG film, but the scares are amplified. Instead of the weirdness of the original, there’s a realism that makes the story more visceral, and definitely more terrifying.

I was surprisingly affected by the story, in a way I hadn’t been with the acid trip original. Hell, I even got mad at the characters when they did stupid shit. After several weird occurrences? I’d have split. But ultimate survivor Erin demands they do the right thing, and while that’s typically commendable? In this instance it’s not. So basically I spent the entire time thinking “GODDAMMIT ERIN”, rather than rooting for her. Worst final girl ever. Though DAMN, Jessica Biel gives an absolutely amazing performance as Erin. With this, and her equally powerful performance in The Tall Man and The Sinner season 1? This lady should be doing more dramtic roles. Just a free tip from me, casting people.

As with the original, John Larroquette narrates the opening “news footage” sequence. A nice homage to the OG. The FX is incredibly gruesome, and as we get to see Leatherface’s actual “skin disease” face? Startlingly effective. And though I knew the story, director Marcus Nispel manages to keep the tension high, even though we all know how things will play out.

As the credits rolled, I had to admit that this is the way to do a remake. With so many aughts remakes being nothing more than pointless cash grabs? This one’s worth your time. You’re welcome, y’all.

Score: 4.5 out of 5 pumpkins.