“…so you better fasten your seatbelts, ’cause it’s time for takeoff! WOO!”

Story: A group of local government employees have finally gotten their project off the ground; the Kolarengen Shopping Center, which will breathe life into that communities’ infrastructure. Probably. But when the group celebrate – er, have “professional development training”, so it can be written off as a business expense – at Kolarsjön Holiday Village, things start to go wrong. Then things start to go weird. And I’m not just talking about their creepy mascot. But that’s part of it. Dammit, where’d everybody go?

Scares: Nah. Unless you’re a soft touch in regards to effective FX.
Splat Factor: The kills are effective, so the blood is loud and proud.

Subgenre: Coworkers In The Woods Slasher
Year Released: 2023
Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Based on the novel of the same name by Mats Strandberg.

Trick or Treat?: Not to be confused with The Conference 2022, this Conference is a coworkers having a “team building exercise” in the woods, as opposed to Nazis in WWII trying to figure out the “final solution”. And honestly? ’22’s film is probably a whole lot scarier. As it stands, Conference is…fine. It’s fine. Mediocre and unremarkable, but otherwise fine.

There are echoes of other workplace horrors, like Severance, Final Destination 5, Office, and Mayhem. There are lots of “office workers snap” films, and tons of slasher films, so it’s natural the two ideas would come together a time or three. But this Swedish horror film isn’t anything you’ve seen before, and it’s done in a way that makes it completely forgettable. The characters are uninteresting and barely fleshed out, as is the story, and at an hour and forty minutes? It’s way too long for what could have been a tight 90 minutes, or less. This is a one-by-one slasher, with very little beyond it’s Big Bad slicing and dicing.

The interesting bit about Conference is that it seems as if the real danger isn’t from the killer hoping to shut down their office with extreme prejudice. It’s the way greed, and clashing personality types, threaten to destroy the team from within. They’ve got nothing to do in the woods but be together, and their bonds are not strong enough to withstand traveling together. So naturally, as things start to go south? They snipe at each other even harder than they’d done before, and split up more out of disgust with other members than any intelligent purpose. That’s an interesting spin on the basic premise, but with the wan, shallow characters, I just sat and watched as folks got offed, and simply shrugged. Okay fine, I felt bad when a few of the hotel employees bite it, as they were collateral damage. But otherwise? Meh.

However, as a slasher movie, it’s not bad. The killer – who uses the creepy mascot’s mask to do their dirty work – is cool in that Happy Death Day kinda way. However, this killer is simply plopped into the mix, with little introduction. That works in films like Friday the 13th, as the story allows some breathing room to feel for the characters. Here with these vapid, bored, and/or vain employees, the slasher is definitely earned, but even with the idea that the town isn’t stoked about Our Gang’s mall? It’s a plot point that feels tacked on. It’s as if the creators figured a slasher story would draw the crowds, so they added one to an interpersonal relationship horror film, watering down both ideas. The darkly humorous vibe is sure to please anyone who’s into a little schadenfreude, though. Who doesn’t love it when a douche canoe gets what’s coming to him? And the FX are excellent, with realistic wounds and after-effects that don’t need a ton of blood to be convincing. That said, there are moments where things can get rather icky, so if flashes of Hostel-esque deaths aren’t your scene? You may want to give this one a pass. (Example: someone gets scalped. Let that be your litmus test.)

FYI, Netflix lets you watch this film with English subtitles, or dubbed. Which is something I didn’t know, as when I hit play, it immediately went dubbed. I’d have probably gone with English subtitles and the OG Swedish, but? I’m not gonna watch this one again, at least not for quite a while. I’d rather re-watch one of the other films I mentioned earlier. Conference isn’t bad, it isn’t good, it just is. And that’s fine sometimes. But for Hallo-month, I’m looking for something more.

Score: 2.5 out of 5 pumpkins.