“No matter how much it sucks, you can’t change fate.”

Story: A group of college-aged friends rent a cool mansion for their friend Elise’s birthday. But when they run out of beer – THE HORROR – it’s time to kill time by checking out the clearly marked “Private Keep Out” basement. Um, honey-lambs? Has nobody watched Evil Dead? Ah well. At least this old, creepy tarot deck seems fun to play with. Not like you’re not supposed to touch/use someone else’s cards, right? Party!

Scares: Darkness = scary, though the various tarot deck monsters aren’t bad.
Splat Factor: PG-13. So, nothing to speak of.

Subgenre: Stupid College Students Supernatural Scares
Year Released: 2024
Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Based on the book Horrorscope, by Nicholas Adams

Trick or Treat?: There’s so much wrong with this film, it’s kind of a fun watch just to pick it apart. Add performances by actors that absolutely know what they’ve signed up for, and some actually fun monsters, and Tarot is the kind of horror movie that’s perfect for Halloween party movie viewing.

Okay okay, so there’s a fun bit of spooky here and there. The unsubtle Sam Adams product placement was a bit horrifying though. So, win? Fine. The settings give good creep, especially the old mansion and a sorority house that looks like it’s definitely seen better days. As you might expect, jump-scares are the rule of the day here, so get comfortable with all sorts of Bughuul-esque pops into frame by the monsters tailor-made for Our Gang’s demise. Honestly, the creativity of the art and FX department is pretty damn impressive here. Both the tarot deck and the monsters it holds are lovingly detailed, and pretty cool. The film suffers from too little lighting at times, with darkness hiding suspenseful moments rather than adding to the tension. Things were fine when I popped my TV on to PC Mode, but I’m sure I’d have been squinting if I’d seen this in theaters.

The cast is Mean Girls’ Avantika and the MCU’s Jacob Batalon the performers you’ll most likely recognize. Gotta love Batalon; he always performs like Dave Grohl in Nirvana. He’s just happy to be here, enjoying the moment, and in Tarot, he’s hamming it up as a guy who’s too stupid to live. Right, that’s not fair. All the characters in this film are too stupid to live. Elise says she’s well versed in spirituality, yet not only touches the creepy tarot deck, but does readings for everyone (including herself.) Each character seems to take pride in staying away from others, or flat-out running away from safety.

Writer/directors Spenser Cohen and Anna Halberg couldn’t seem to see the forest for the trees when doing double-duty here. Tarot would have been better served if it’d had another pair of eyes on the screenplay. Perhaps the unintentionally slapstick stupidity of the characters could have been avoided. Or, if the horror/comedy descriptor on IMDb is an honest one? At least turned the film into more of a Cabin in the Woods riff than yet another mid-range horror destined for the Blu-ray dollar bin.

For folks who are looking for something to laugh at, rather than with, at your next spooky movie fest.

Score: 1.5 out of 5 pumpkins. (An extra .5 for the quality performances)