“Who the hell deadbolts their front door? This is a good neighborhood!”

Story: Mickey talks his girlfriend Jules into “one more score”, but forgets to fill the gas tank of their getaway car. But they found a gorgeous house; the owners have to have a car, right? Well, they’ve got a more than that. And the owners want to keep exactly what they’ve got a secret. From everybody.

Scares: None.
Splat Factor:  People get shot. A tongue ring gets removed the hard way, but all you see is the blood.

Subgenre: Break-in Predicament Horror Comedies
Year Released: 2019
Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Boringly original.

Trick or Treat?: Looking at the poster for this film, I figured it’d be a cool subversive horror, or a throwaway one. Sadly, it’s the latter. Villains is the worst thing a horror movie can be; uninteresting.

Villains has the bones of a great movie. But every chance this movie has, it wastes. Pacing is slow, scenes are shot seemingly without thought, and cinematography is basic at best.

Writer/director team Dan Berk and Robert Olsen keep this film in a strange no-man’s land where things aren’t fun, but aren’t bad. I kept watching, hoping things would get better, but the hollowness keeps going. Andrew going. It’s like a Energizer Bunny of boredom. Which is weird because this cast is stacked.

Bill Skarsgård, Maika Monroe, Kyra Sedgwick, and Jeffrey Donovan are all extremely good at what they do. And here they try their best to turn this uninteresting pile of scenes into something good. It’s not their fault they failed. It’s the lackluster script that shows no promise, has no highs or lows, even manages to be spooky. These characters are just empty vessels moving from scene to scene.

I can’t recommend this one to anyone but the most expert level masochist. It’s the kind of story that had my hands itching for my phone throughout it’s run time. Instead of this one, just rewatch something you know you enjoy.

Score: 2 out of 5 pumpkins. One for the cast, one for the cool indie ‘zine animation of the end credits.