“Are you eating random pocket candy?” [WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME? Oh wait. This is movie dialogue, not an attack. Sorry.]

Genre: Not-So-Secret Exes Holidayness
Release Date: 2024
New Holiday Spirit or Ghost of Christmas Past?: Hey girl – new Lindsay movie!
Where I Watched: Netflix

Synopsis: Avery and Logan grew up together. Childhood friends, teen sweethearts, and then Avery takes a job in London, and moves away after an awkward goodbye between the two. Cut to ten years later, and Avery is back in country, spending the holidays with new boyfriend Cameron. Logan is heading to his girlfriend Cassie’s house…and guess what? You’ll never guess who Logan’s girlfriend’s brother’s girlfriend is. Never. Ever. Wait. You guessed? Dammit.

Worth the Eggnog?: Honey, check out this cast list. Miss Lindsay. Kristin Chenoweth. Tim Meadows. Ian Harding. Judy Reyes. And a pop-in by Chris Parnell. Of course this movie is self-aware, and works this silly boilerplate comedy of manners for all it’s worth. And while yeah, this movie’s plot beats shout at you at least twenty minutes in advance every time? This cast is worth giving this a stream.

The whole “exes end up dating siblings and did not know…OOPS” storyline can get old really fast, so screenwriter Hailey DeDominicis peppers the plot with lots of side-quests. There’s Avery having to deal with Cameron and Cassie’s overbearing mom Erica, played with menacing perfection by Chenoweth. Meanwhile, Logan is trying to write up an architectural proposal for Erica’s neighbor Stan, a delightfully deadpan Meadows. And, of course, there’s the black sheep of Erica’s family, her baby boy Callum, whose over-indulgent activities are hidden well from nobody except his parents. The cast play well off of each other, and the onscreen chemistry between Lohan and Harding is excellent. They have a believable connection and their shared history is played out well. This is show, don’t tell done right.

Secret obviously has a slew of misunderstandings, secrets, familial blackmail, and other shenanigans that keep the pace lively. Could hit have been whittled down a touch? Sure; a Christmas movie clocking in at an hour forty can be lively, but does feel like it’s trying to hang out with us a bit longer than necessary. Still, when the climax ultimately reveals all to everyone? It’s a hoot. The usual “cut to months later” ending is expected, but again, with a cast like this? I was all-in. Secret is one that I’d re-watch if friends or family wanted to check it out, and I’m sure I’ll catch it again next year. It’s not great – ‘cmon, it’s by-the-numbers holiday streaming, with zero Christmas Prince Extended Universe tie-ins – but it’s FUN.

Pour yourself a glass of wine or whatever, grab some cookies and gummy bears, and hit play. Now, if I could only get Erica’s super-special cookie recipe…

Score: 3.5 out of 5 Hos.