“What the fuck was THAT?”

Story: In Maybrook, Pennsylvania, an entire classroom of children disappeared one night. Okay fine, so it was 2:17am. And okay fine, there was one child who remained. For their third-grade teacher Justine Gandy, it’s a mystery to be solved. For Archer Graff, he’ll move heaven and earth to find his son. And for many others in the town? It’s…well. It’s something. But nobody seems to know what.

Genre I’d put it in: Slow Burn Wild Ride Horrors
Release Date: 2025
Remake, Sequel, Based-On, or Original: Original, but you’ll notice ideas that echo other films, like Children of the Damned, Rashomon, Longlegs, and The Witch.

Gotta say: The vague marketing campaign of Weapons had me thinking about the similar styles of PR used in films like Longlegs and Nope. So yeah, I was itching to check this one out. I needed to know. And now that I’m home from the multiplex? Well, I’m still kinda stumped. But in a good way.

Zach Cregger, whose Barbarian blew me away in 2022, is writer/director as well as one of the producers and composers. So it’s one hundred percent his vision onscreen. It’s one hell of a look inside his mile-a-minute brain. Trauma, family dynamics, the interpersonal politics of small towns, and so much more, is placed into a just-over two hour story. And yet it’s easy to understand, thanks to a structure that is both complex and straightforward.

How so? Cregger uses a handful of characters to move through the narrative, each one giving their own perception of the events, with each adding a bit more to the overall tale. Once each character – given their own “chapter” with character name title card – is allowed to present their viewpoint, the climax hits hard and fast. Which is refreshing, because LAWD this film is a slow burn. Like, the story had to actually build a time machine, travel back to the titan Prometheus, get some fire from him, travel back, and then get things cooking.

Though there were brief moments when I despaired of ever finding out what was going on, within each chapter is a kernel or three of specific information that draws viewers into the story. Yeah, things may be slow going for about seventy-five percent of the film, but damn the way Weapons slowly doles out tidbits of narrative had me salivating. There’s also a weird kind of comedy throughout the film; I’m not saying this is a horror-comedy, but that the situations and characters involved can often feel off-kilter in a silly way that’s funny and uncomfortable. The climax is absolutely bonkers, and had me questioning whether I should be guffawing as it unfolded. (I was. I am not ashamed.)

The cast has several faces you’ll recognize, like Julia Garner as Justine and Josh Brolin as Archer. But there’s also Benedict Wong as Marcus, the principal of the school Justine works for/the missing children attended. Wong was all but unrecognizable in the trailer, with his face covered in FX. Then there’s Sara Paxton, Justin Long, June Diane Raphael, and more. But my special shout-out goes to Amy Madigan as Alex’s “Aunt” Gladys (his mom’s mom’s sister). Madigan balances camp with creepy, and even with all the horrors in this film, it’s that red wig that I’ll have nightmares about in the coming weeks.

Weapons is a film that is growing on me, much the way The Witch did back in 2015. They both have a similar dark, foreboding vibe that takes a long time to rev up, while still delivering moments of horror throughout the story. But here, we get deeper dives into these characters, possibly due to the complex, messy lives each one leads. We’ve got recovering addicts, a flat-out addict (played with jaw-dropping perfection by Austin Abrams), and many other Maybrook residents that get just enough screen time for viewers to empathize with their actions. Like the previously referenced Rashomon, this is due to the various viewpoints that build up a more holistic picture of each individual onscreen. It’s damn impressive.

BTW, the climax of the film is what’s giving Weapons the sobriquet of “body horror”. The FX is excellent, and very visceral. Blood and violence aren’t just a means to a horrific end here. It’s a major driver of the plot. Couple that with a score that’s truly unsettling, and George Harrison’s “Beware the Darkness” that sets exactly the right tone from the jump. So let Weapons dole out it’s story in tiny little bites. Let yourself settle in and become unsettled. Enjoy brief moments of quirkiness that bleed into literal bloody mayhem. And don’t be surprised if this film sticks with you long after the credits roll.

#Protip: I think Cregger put it best when he said “Your version of the movie is gonna be different than your wife’s version of the movie. And I think that’s, that’s fun.” Perhaps the best part of this film is the time you and your friends spend dissecting it. You could be at it for hours. Plan accordingly.