“What TF did I just watch?” [me, as the end credits rolled]

Story: Young Catherine lives with her abusive, drunken father in a run-down ruin of what was once a great house. One night, dad brings home a young boy that Cathy names Heathcliff. Over the years, they do the friends-to-lovers thing, all the while pranking each other and such. But then one day Cathy decides being poor sucks, and heads over to the wealthy neighbors to see what’s up. When Cathy decides to marry the wealthy neighbor, Heathcliff does not take it well. He leaves, then returns, rich as hell. Heathcliff and Cathy decide to do the adultery everywhere, and then one day Cathy dies. Heathcliff is sad. And that’s the classic tale you’ve heard about. Yep. Sure it is.

Genre I’d put it in: Bastardized Classics
Release Date: 2026
Remake, Sequel, Based-On, or Original: Based on the novel of the same name by Emily Brontë. Allegedly. Like, they used the title of the novel, the characters, and the idea that this was supposed to be a story in the Romantic genre.

Gotta say: I’ve never particularly liked Wuthering Heights, the novel. I always thought of myself as one of those readers who just didn’t get it. The characters are assholes, the story is a goddamn mess of who’s with whom and in what family, and while the ending is relatively happy (at least to my horror loving mind)? It’s not a fun read. But after watching this Heights? I think I might have to give the novel another try. After this “imagining”, I think I might actually fall in love with the damn thing.

Director Emerald Fennell is a favorite of mine. I absolutely loved Promising Young Woman, and even though Saltburn was too damn much a lot, I loved the lush overabundance. So it was with extreme trepidation that I walked into the theater to check out Heights. To my mind, it could have been brilliant, or it could have been horrific in the worst way. But this might be the most batshittingly incompetent adaptation I’ve ever seen.
You’ve probably absorbed a bit of this classic tale over the years. Cathy and Heathcliff grow up together, but when Cathy decides to marry another man, Heathcliff goes mad. When Cathy dies in childbirth, Heathcliff truly goes mad, and Cathy’s ghost haunts him until he too dies. Yeah, other stuff goes on, but that’s their story. And anyone who thinks that his is the love story of the ages probably holds Twilight in a similar light. (Not that I’m hating; those movies are fun. But they’re not a blueprint for great love.) If you’re confused because the story section of this review had a different vibe? Well, that was me while watching this film. Fennell focuses solely on C+H, leaving a whole lot of family, marriages, and kids, by the wayside (which is probably for the best, for the most part.)

What’s actually included is, well, carnal. Yep, there’s lots of sexytimes here – along with some rather tame BDSM – while still managing to keep everybody clothed. I mean, you try shimmying out of those layers of petticoats and corsets. I wasn’t expecting or even hoping for lots of nakey-nakey, but this feels rather tame for an R-rated joint. So yeah, this Heights gives us pining, arguing, sex, and death. Pretty gothic if you ask me, yet nowhere near the well-told tale the novel presents.

As a film in and of itself? It’s mixed. Margot Robbie’s Catharine and Jacob Elordi’s Heathcliff have amazing onscreen chemistry that sells the the romantic moments. As young Cathy and Heathcliff, Charlotte Mellington and Owen Cooper are not only perfectly cast, but wonderfully compelling performers in their own right, and deserve a little shout out. The films sepia tone during the characters’ early years is a nice touch, and helps the story along when “modern day” shifts to a 2006 Marie Antoinette vibrancy. During the climax, where Heathcliff rushes to Catherine’s side, the sets are bathed in red, making me hark back to Dario Argento’s Susperia. Yet the costuming looks rushed; hems look like a beginning sewer did them, and fabrics look cheap and overly shiny (except for Heathcliff, because all-black hides a multitude of sins.) And don’t get me started on the body-horror fabric that covers married-Cathy’s walls. I’m guessing Fennell wanted to make some sort of statement with all that, but damn if I can make it out.

The major problem with Heights is in the strange way Fennell edits out what happens after Cathy dies. The novel digs into themes of revenge, ownership, love, obsession, and how decisions we make may quite literally come back to haunt us. This film trots out these ideas, but doesn’t truly dig into them. Instead of how obsession and revenge can destroy you, the film focuses on Cathy and Heathcliff as couple goals. This makes the story feel insipid and undercooked.

Heights won’t burn in your memory long after things finish, as the novel would. In fact, I’d be surprised if I remember finer points after a day or so. I don’t toss around the term cinematic abortion often, but I’m kinda thinking this fan-fiction deserves it. I still love you, Emerald. I’m just disappointed. (I do love the Gone With the Wind vibes the poster gives off. I’m not a complete monster.)

#Protip: Trying to figure out why the title has quotes around it? Emerald Fennell has got you covered. Though I bet you’ve got a pretty good idea already, if you’ve gotten this far in my review.