#31in31 2017 – “It Follows”

“ZZZZZZ” – me, watching this.

Story: So, there’s this It Follows Demon Thing, right? And it follows you (natch) after you have sex with someone it was following. If it catches you, it kills you, and then goes back to following that other person. Worst game of tag ever.

Scares: Some genuinely creepy ones, and the whole “hair on the back of my neck getting jumpy” thing.

Splat factor: After-effects of the It Follows Demon Thing.

Closing scene “shocker”?: Maybe? Could go either way, depending on how you feel about it. Me? I couldn’t care less.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Original. Though it comes from a fine tradition of “sex kills” horror, it spins that trope.

Trick or Treat?: Overall, it’s a decent movie that has a whole lot of plot holes and “Why is this happening now, when it could/should have happened much earlier” scenes. Plot holes and stupid monsters I can typically deal with. But for some reason, I just couldn’t dig in. Oh wait. I know the reason; every character/actor in this movie acts like they’re bored out of their minds. I understand teen hipster ennui, but this is overkill. If everyone is so bummed about making this movie, I’m bummed watching it. Not enough alcohol in the world to get me invested, not even as a MST3K viewing.

Wasn’t a fan of them ripping off John Carpenter’s vibe with the soundtrack either. Or the weird way everyone seems to be living in the 70s (costuming, landlines with cords, wood paneling everywhere), but one girl has a super-tech phone/e-reader/flashlight that looks like a birth control pill compact. WTF? Yeah yeah; throwing the audience off-kilter, yada yada.  To me it was distracting, and with the yawnfest that was the cast sleepwalking through this flick, distractions only added fuel to the trash fire.

This movie was so Eeyore-esque I feel like I’ve had all the energy drained out of me. So I’ll give it an A for effort, a C for mythology (why not just kill these people when they’re sleeping, rather than slooooowly walking to them til they notice you?), a D for using both the Nowhere Parents *and* Adults So Clueless They’re Assholes clichés. And an F for making me sit through so much boring crap that it took me 5 separate viewings to finally get through the whole thing. Rounding down because this film doesn’t earn any sort of reprieve.

I’m off to sugar-binge in the hope that’ll wake me up from this snoozer.

Score: 1 out of 5 pumpkins.

 

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