Welcome to #31in31!  My yearly horror hound collection of horror movies for October, aka The Most Wonderful Time of the Year.  Let’s get started, yeah?

“Wait. You really liked it? Well now I feel terrible.”

Story: The last remaining Harkers – brothers and sister Paige – are the town joke. But the joke’s on the town when a real vampire shows up.

Scares: Zero.

Splat factor: Lots of red literally thrown around. And some fun body parts.

Closing scene “shocker”?: Nope, but the last line is a hoot.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Cheesy comedic Dracula ripoff. Otherwise? Original.

Trick or Treat?: If you’re thinking that Harker is nothing more than a low-budget that’s stupid and looks like it was shot in someone’s backyard? Well, you’d be right. But…it looks like these folks are having a good time?

“Twists” are hinted at so often that I found myself wondering when they’d get to ’em. But get to them they do. But first you’ve got to sit through a whole bunch of scenes that take comedy and stretch it out til it screams. Not meant as a compliment here, y’all.

There’s a mid-credit scene that starts out funny but much like many of the scenes in the film, goes on longer than it should. But the post credits scene is the best part of the whole thing.

The end credits look fantastic though. So does the poster art. Oh, and there’s lots of fake blood thrown around; so much so everyone’s dyed red by the end of the film. See? I liked a few things.

If you do decide to give it a try? In the words of Pappa Harker, “Don’t overthink it. Just watch.” Maybe while you’re doing something else, or are straight up plastered. Or both.

Score: 1.5 out of 5 pumpkins, mostly for that end credits scene, and a teeny subplot about a Stephanie Meyer-esque character.