In A Nutshell – “Jurassic Park Dominion” is exactly the stupid-fun ride you think it is

“Do you wanna ask questions, or do you want a ride?”

Story: Really? Okay. Dinosaurs. All over the world. The OG Park crew and the World-ies get together to gank prehistoric locusts. Trust me, go with it.

Genre I’d put it in: Stupid fun with Dino-sawers!
Release Date: 2022
Remake, Sequel, Based-On, or Original: Really, part 2? Okay. Part of all the Jurassic thangs.

What’s Up?: Should I have tapped this out the moment I saw it opening morning? Yep. Yep I should have. But since I’d forgotten to RSVP for this press screening, you’re thinking you’re gonna get a timely peek into my brainparts about this film? You know me better than that. But in case you’re the three or four individuals that read this mommyblog and haven’t seen Dominion yet? Go see it. Because Dominion is absolutely brainless entertainment that’s perfect for warm weather “give me some fun while I enjoy this theater’s air conditioning” days.

You think you know what’s gonna happen as the plot unfolds? Yes, you’re absolutely right. 100% of the time, you’ll guess exactly what’s gonna happen next. Like callbacks to the OG films? Oh baby, you’re gonna love each and every one that’s shoved right into your face. Are any of the main cast even in the least bit of real danger? Well, kinda. But like Brown Hornet, they all naturally escape, unharmed! What did you think was gonna happen, director Colin Trevorrow was gonna mess with success? Absolutely not, my friends. I was expecting someone to rescue a cute kitten, because that kitten would not only survive along with this cast, but most likely take out a Spinosaurus or something. Y’know, in the cutest way possible.

So, this sounds like bland pablum to you? You’re crazy. Dominion absolutely freakin ROCKS. The action is well paced, the dinosaurs are entertaining as heck, the weird prehistoric locusts are gross (apologies to everyone I worked with when I volunteered at the Invert House of the National Zoo; these buggy buggers are creepy), the Big Business Is Bad CEO is eeeee-vil, without being too mustache-twirly, and it’s Michael Giacchino’s score uses bits and pieces of John Williams’ Jurassic beats to perfection, blending everything into a sumptuous whole. Plus, Big Momma/Rexy is loud and proud, ready to throw down and protect her place in the world. Yes, even she survives. What? Like that’s a spoiler? Are you new to this series?

Go forth and enjoy. DBox/shakey-seats are recommended but not totally necessary. You will want to see this on the biggest, most hugest screen you can manage though. Grab popcorn. Grab candy. Grab a medium-ish soda – at 2 1/2 hours + what seems like forever’s worth of pre-film commercials and trailers, you don’t want to miss some cool FX/a fun callback while making a wee run – and enjoy. Want depth? Hit up A24 or something. A24 is incredible, but sometimes you need a bit of awesomeness. Dominion is awesomeness.

Grade: 4 out of 5 Squirrels – though the critic in me feels like it should be 3 out of 5, I can’t help myself. Four baybeeeee! (get it? Nutshell? Squirrels? GET IT? I’ll stop now.)

About Denise

Professional nerd. Lover of licorice.
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