In Queue Review – “Moonfall”

“What the hell is that?” [Dude, I feel you.]

Genre: Space Wrecks
Release Date: 2022
Where I Watched: HBOMAX

Gist: There’s the moon, right? And moon has astronauts that visit, ya with me? But what if – hear me out – the moon is hollow, and there’s A ALIEN inside, throwing the orbit off, which could wreck our planet? Why alien do this thing now? Why not? Pass me that popcorn, my friend.

Talky talk: Moonfall feels like Roland Emmerich got wasted on Mad Dog, then immediately produced his “wouldn’t it be hilarious if” moonage fever dream. The screenplay feels like a first year film student’s Wattpad fic that was used, unedited. Tapping into every cheesy dialogue trope and exposition dump extravaganza, Emmerich bath-salts his way through it all, tossing everything possible at the screen, making sure that the run time goes past two hours for maximum crazy. AND IT IS MARVELOUS.

This isn’t a film to take seriously. This is one to watch, slack-jawed, as things dial up to eleven, marveling at how all this ever got green-lit. There’s so much tossed into the plot – and onto the screen – the chaos itself can propel you through every bit of crazy shit. Luckily the cast knows exactly what they signed up for, and give it their all, with a slight wink. Shout out to John Bradley as crazypants researcher Houseman, who gives glorious “just happy to be here chewing the scenery” energy.

The science is…a word someone on set heard once. And the subplots are so thinly written, yet drawn out for time, that both Armageddon and Greenland just bowed down to their new master. And the FX is decent, but there’s not nearly enough splashy goodness on screen for a funtime film.

As for the plot? Um. Think of this as more of an interpretive dance that shimmies around various ideas, rather than committing to one. The main “kill the monster, save the world” plot? Check. Family members of Our Gang trying to get to safe ground? Chunk. The inevitable government plot to save officials asses? You betcha. Crazy conspiracy theorists, and crazier survivalists? Woop! And, of course, a kitten. Because duh.

I’d heard this movie was garbage, but I finally had to see for myself. I tend to be a sucker for disaster movies, as typically, even when they’re bad they can be fun. And holy BLIP is Moonfall hilariously fun garbage. It’s so deliciously bad that you have to watch it immediately, and such a fabulous train wreck, you don’t have to be drunk to hoot and holler with glee. Though your favorite indulgence can only help you enjoy the show. (Cheese is not required – there’s more than enough on screen.)

Moonfall is the very definition of “hold my beer”. The number of film “homages” are staggering. Do not try to drinking game your way through this one. You will require medical attention. Seriously, this is a delightfully horrible experience that you need in your life. Grab all your friends – all of them – and be prepared to laugh your asses off. I can’t wait to watch this again and again, with everyone I’ve ever known.

Come for: A look at a train wreck.
Stay for: A gloriously bad train wreck that knows exactly why you’re here. And welcomes you with jazz hands.

About Denise

Professional nerd. Lover of licorice.
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