“Nobody’s gonna get hurt, right?”

Story: In 2008, a group of kidnappers and a two BFFs find themselves on the run from a strange creature, and the guy who makes sure the creature is fed. I’m sure they’ll be okay.

Scares: Only if you’re a light touch with gore.
Splat Factor: Decapitations, blood, and some other gnarly kills.

Subgenre: Wannabe Modern Grindhouse
Year Released: 2011
Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Original-ish. Tries to go for the vibe of 70s exploitation and 80s slashers, but is too boring to accomplish it.

Trick or Treat?: Spring has everything. A kidnapping plot from Abigail. A weird farm cult from Wicker Man. BFFs from The Last House on the Left. And a slasher killer right out of the 80s playbook. Now typically I’m cool with that; clichés can be fun. But not this time.

Why? Because it feels cobbled together. It’s as if the creators – and I don’t care enough about this film to double check IMdB – grabbed a handful of Scrabble tile tropes and dropped them into the script. The story is all but absent, there’s no character arcs to be found, and background myth? Spring doesn’t know her. Yes, not knowing much can work well; see Halloween or the OG Black Christmas. But with a screenplay this messy, there needs to be something that tethers the action to, well, something. That’s not happening here.

The finale rips off Friday the 13th Part 2‘s VW Bug scene I was looking around for Amy Steele. And while the “he’s dead isn’t he” ending is abrupt? I seriously doubt there will be any interest in a sequel.

Spring tries for a 70s grindhouse vibe. Fails, because those films are entertaining. Well, what did I expect from listening to WhatCulture. It’s my fault, really.

Skip this one, or put it on when you’re sleepy and may fall asleep. No matter when you doze off, you won’t miss anything.

Score: 2 out of 5 pumpkins.