Festive Flicks – “Hot Frosty”

Posted on November 18, 2024 by Denise

“This is very…um… It’s just… It’s very weird.” [I mean…fair.]

Genre: Netflix Holiday Cheeseballs
Release Date: 2024
New Holiday Spirit or Ghost of Christmas Past?: New!
Where I Watched: Netflix. Obviously.

Synopsis: Kathy has been distancing herself from everyone and everything since she lost her husband. But the residents of Hope Springs have decided that this widow needs to jump back into life again. So when Kathy decides to drape her new red scarf around a snowman that looks like Michelangelo’s David? Christmas magic gets to work. *sings Frosty the Snowman*

Worth the Eggnog?: Oh c’mon. You know you wanna watch this. It’s premise is absolute balderdash, the lead actor looks like his cheekbones could cut icicles, and Holiday Queen Lacey Chabert is in the house! Frosty knows exactly what it is, and revels in it’s silly, cheesy goodness. Even Chabert said she had to fight to keep a straight face. Though how “snowman” Dustin Milligan was able to keep a straight face is the real question here. 

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“Red One” is ho-ho-h-okay

Posted on November 14, 2024 by Denise

“Spread cheer, asshole.”

Story: Jack O’Malley has never believed in Santa Claus. But as he’s grown up, he’s believed in cold hard cash, and gambling. He hasn’t been lucky with either of those. So when he takes a “job” to hack a computer that stores arctic coordinates, he’s shocked to find out that he’s just helped the bad guys kidnap Santa, and he’s got 24 hours to get Santa back or Christmas ain’t happening. And let’s just say his E.L.F (Enforcement Logistics and Fortification) commander ain’t nobody’s Keebler.

Genre I’d put it in: Christmas Movies For Action Fans
Release Date: 2024
Remake, Sequel, Based-On, or Original: Based on the mythology (?) of Santa Claus

Gotta say: I love holiday movies. Even the really bad ones can be fun. It’s gotta be a real flaming dumpster for me to hate something in this genre, but luckily? One is a blast that had me ho-ho-ho-ing in the aisles.

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Baltimore Screening Pass-palooza – “Red One”!

Posted on November 7, 2024 by Denise

When a screening happens on my birthday, I have to give out passes. It’s the law… Synopsis!

After Santa Claus – Code Name: RED ONE – is kidnapped, the North Pole’s Head of Security (Dwayne Johnson) must team up with the world’s most infamous bounty hunter (Chris Evans) in a globe-trotting, action-packed mission to save Christmas.

Ready? Let’s go!

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Election 2024: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)

Posted on November 4, 2024 by Denise

Exhausted with all the election stuff? ME TOO. But I’m also terrified. This is truly an extremely important Presidential election. It’ll chart the course for not only the next few years, but for years to come. (Eyes the SCOTUS nervously.)

I typically keep most of my leftist opinions to myself, but I need to share this with you. Especially those who are undecided, or planning on voting 3rd party. Take a minute to check out what John has to say, then make your decision.

Please vote.

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#31in31 – “Thanksgiving”

Posted on October 31, 2024 by Denise

“We let the police handle it, we’ll all gonna end up end up 50% off.”

Story: Thanksgiving in Plymouth, Massachusetts. How freakin’ American can you get? Well, this year, more than turkey is gonna get carved, thanks to a crazed killer stalking folks in the town. Is there any relation to the horrible Black Friday stampede that killed two people last year? Well, if you’re up on your 80s slasher history, the answer is YES DUH.

Scares: Lots of suspense
Splat Factor: All of it. Did I mention it’s written and directed by Eli Roth?

Subgenre: Gory Holiday Slashers
Year Released: 2023
Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Based on the “teaser trailer” in 2007’s Grindhouse.

Trick or Treat?: Ready for our next holiday, y’all? I figured I’d gear up by using this last 31in31 for jumping into November craziness. I was lucky enough to see 2007’s Grindhouse in a historic theater. Yep, it had a balcony and everything, and yes I sat in the front row of the balcony with my feet propped up on the wall/railing. (I miss you, Uptown. You were the best.) Grindhouse‘s mix of tongue-in-cheek harkbacks to old grindhouse films, drive-in double features, and of course the crazypants trailers in-between features is still one of my all-time favorite movie experiences. So when Eli Roth decided he’d take the trailer he’d made for Grindhouse and make it into a feature film? I was on board. And boy howdy does this film deliver the goods. Thanksgiving is everything you think it’ll be, and more. I say that as high praise.

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#31in31 – “Daddy’s Head”

Posted on October 30, 2024 by Denise

“Iiiiiiiisaccccc… Iiiiiiiisaaaaaac… Come to the forest.” 

Story: Soon after James remarries, he’s struck down. His new bride Laura and son (from his first marriage) Isaac struggling to pick up the pieces, even though they barely like, let alone understand, each other. But when something appears in the woods, Isaac thinks it’s his dad, come back. Laura is definitely not sure about that. But there definitely is something there…

Scares: Lots of dread. A jumpy, action-packed climax.
Splat Factor: A good doggo gets slashed up. Flashes of James after his accident; it looks like his face…is no longer there.

Subgenre: Grief Is A Metaphor Horror
Year Released: 2024
Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Original

Trick or Treat?: People seem to either love this, or hate it. Gotta admit that the first few minutes of slow nothing had me about to switch off. But I decided to keep going, and while Head isn’t exactly riveting fare for the first three quarters, that last act is both scary and sweet.

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#31in31 – This year’s Halloween jam on Spotify!

Posted on October 29, 2024 by Denise

I tell you, it’s getting harder and harder to come up with new tracks for the year… But luckily there are some songs that either got released this year, or just recently got into my earholes. Did you know Kesha made a song about Godzilla? Or that PURVIS did a wickedly good collab with Tommy Genesis and Alice Longyu Go? No? Yes? Either way, it’s gonna be a jamming good Halloween. Or something like that. Roll with me, my segues aren’t firing on all cylinders today…

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#31in31 – “How to Make a Monster”

Posted on October 28, 2024 by Denise

“For 25 years, he’s been the master! He’s created ’em all!”

Story: Yep. Fire a guy who’s worked at your studio for 25 years, just so corporate shills can make more money after a takeover. That’d most likely do it. And if said guy is a makeup FX genius with a few “innovations” up his sleeve? Guess y’all better watch out.

Scares: Zero. It’s a 1950s monster fest.
Splat Factor: See above.

Subgenre: 50s Monster Mashes
Year Released: 1958
Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Original, though you’ll recognize creatures from earlier films.

Trick or Treat?: At first, I thought Monster would be a blast. Makeup from I Was a Teenage Werewolf and I Was a Teenage Frankenstein? Sign my ass up. But instead? I was bummed. This is a condemnation of capitalism hobbled by Hays Code restrictions, and boy howdy do I want a modern day remake.

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#31in31 – “It’s What’s Inside’

Posted on October 27, 2024 by Denise

“What the fuck is going on?”

Story: A group of friends get together the weekend before one of them is going to get married. They haven’t seen each other in eight years, but things seem to start up exactly where they left off…including a bunch of resentment, crushes, and the like. But when an estranged friend shows up with a high-tech game that feels like a much deeper form of Werewolf, things really start to crumble. Literally and figuratively.

Scares: None.
Splat Factor: Dead bodies impaled on iron fence spikes.

Subgenre:
Year Released: 2024
Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Original. And pointless.

Trick or Treat?: What if The Big Chill was filled with characters that are unlikeable jerks? Or, how about if Bodies Bodies Bodies was full of characters you didn’t care about? Welcome to Inside, where you get both. I’m gonna say what I say about Borat: I understand what they tried to do here. I get it, really I do. I just don’t think it’s any good.

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#31in31 – “Tell Me How I Die”

Posted on October 26, 2024 by Denise

“Summer camp with drugs!”

Story: A bunch of young adults decide to make 2k of easy money by being prescription drug test subjects. But the drug has strange side effects, the company is rushing to put it out, and someone doesn’t want this drug to succeed. Sound good? SUCKER.

Scares: A few at the start, until the plot gets so convoluted nothing makes sense.
Splat Factor: Some blood on walls, people dying

Subgenre: Drug Trial Nightmares
Year Released: 2016
Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Original, but stupid.

Trick or Treat?: This movie had me at William Mapother. That dude is a character actor I’ll watch in the any genre film. But his emotionless researcher Dr. Jerrems in Die can’t save this artless clunker.

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