#31in31 – “Rose Red”

“We say haunted, but what we mean is that the house has gone insane.”

Story: In Seattle, Washington, there’s a house called Rose Red. Owned by the Rimbauer family, it’s said to be haunted. Deaths, disappearances, and other strange occurrences used to happen…until one day, they stopped. Cut to present day, when parapsychology professor Joyce Reardon gathers a team of talented psychics – including a particularly powerful telekinetic named Annie – to “wake up” the house. They succeed. Boy howdy, do they.

Scares: Lots of suspense, ghostly shenanigans, and evil house goings-on.
Splat Factor: it was made for network TV, so? Not so much.

Subgenre: Spooky Stephen King Miniseries
Year Released: 2002
Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Original screenplay, though King did write “The Diary of Ellen Rimbauer: My Life at Rose Red” as a companion piece.

Trick or Treat?: This relatively little-known Stephen King miniseries does not get enough love. Probably because its history on streaming is spotty – it’s currently on Hulu as of the publication date of this review, btw – and the DVD is out-of-print and hard to come by. But even though twenty years later, it’s kinda cheesy? It’s still a whole lot of spooky fun.

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#31in31 – “Five Nights at Freddy’s”

“They can see you now.”

Story: Brother and sis Mike and Abby are doing their best after tragedy upon tragedy hit their family. When their Aunt Jane threatens to take custody of Abby, a desperate Mike takes a job at a derelict restaurant/arcade. Night shift, bad pay, huge creepy-ass puppets, troubling history. Paradise! What’s that sound?

Scares: Jumps scaaaaares, baybeeeee!
Splat Factor: PG-13. So, very little. But it’s effective.

Subgenre: Video Game Adaptation Horrors
Year Released: 2023
Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Based on the video game series (and other assorted connected stuff) of the same name.

Trick or Treat?: I’ve watched a few YouTube videos where folks play FNAF…and that’s all I know about this crazy story. Apparently there’s a ton of lore in FNAF. And I know none of it. If you’re a huge FNAF junkie? Based on the moments where fans of the games were cheering and screaming their approval during the screening? I’m gonna say yes. But what about n00bs like me? I liked it. It’s a creepy location, with creepy animatronic puppets doing creepy things, and a story that’s simple (brother and sis gotta stick together) but works very well within the lore. Would I seek it out? Probably, if only to watch with my nieces and nephew, who know more about this kinda stuff, and would turn me on to things I wouldn’t have noticed otherwise. But as a fun, easy to stomach – it is PG-13 after all – horror during Hallo-month? I dig it.

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#31in31 2023 – “Run Sweetheart, Run”

“Are you ready?”

Story: Cherie is your typical twenty something young mom. Absolutely adorable little girl, absolutely dull-ass paralegal job, absolutely kickass hopes and dreams. But when a client dinner she takes for her lawyer boss turns out to be an absolutely killer evening, can she step up? Absolutely.

Scares: lots of tension
Splat Factor: women getting hunted and killed? There’s red stuff, but believable, not splattery.

Subgenre: Run Your Ass Off Horror With A Twist
Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Original. In fact, a super cool new twist on the Stay Alive Subgenre.
Year Released: 2022 (Prime; 2020 Sundance)

Trick or Treat?: Run is the kind of movie that makes me really angry at myself. Why did I take this long to watch it? Because it’s fantastic.

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#31in31 – “The Lost Boys”

🎶Cry little sister…🎶

Story: Brothers Michael and Sam just moved to “Santa Clara” with their mom. Their grandpa is weird, the beach is awesome, and the nightlife is… Deadly.

Scares: A bit? Kinda? More chills and suspense, but the comedy balances things out.
Splat Factor: Lots of blood, lots of vampire death.

Subgenre:
Year Released: 1987
Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Based – loosely, obviously – on Peter Pan.

Trick or Treat?: I loved this movie back in the day. Had the six sheet sized poster hanging above my bed. Was embarrassingly obsessed with Kiefer Sutherland’s David. And I’ve gotta admit, rewatching it now? I’m still in love with all of it.

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#31in31 – “The Conference” (Konferensen)

“…so you better fasten your seatbelts, ’cause it’s time for takeoff! WOO!”

Story: A group of local government employees have finally gotten their project off the ground; the Kolarengen Shopping Center, which will breathe life into that communities’ infrastructure. Probably. But when the group celebrate – er, have “professional development training”, so it can be written off as a business expense – at Kolarsjön Holiday Village, things start to go wrong. Then things start to go weird. And I’m not just talking about their creepy mascot. But that’s part of it. Dammit, where’d everybody go?

Scares: Nah. Unless you’re a soft touch in regards to effective FX.
Splat Factor: The kills are effective, so the blood is loud and proud.

Subgenre: Coworkers In The Woods Slasher
Year Released: 2023
Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Based on the novel of the same name by Mats Strandberg.

Trick or Treat?: Not to be confused with The Conference 2022, this Conference is a coworkers having a “team building exercise” in the woods, as opposed to Nazis in WWII trying to figure out the “final solution”. And honestly? ’22’s film is probably a whole lot scarier. As it stands, Conference is…fine. It’s fine. Mediocre and unremarkable, but otherwise fine.

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#31in31 – “Hell Night”

“Now the FUN begins!”

Story: Alpha Sigma Rho hast four new pledges for their co-ed fraternity/sorority/thing. But on their Hell Night – the final night that new pledges must endure before initiation – Our Gang has to spend the night in a mansion with a tragic history. Could one of the twisted family members still live there, with nobody realizing the danger? I mean, DUH. Obviously.

Scares and/or Splat Factor: wide screen and/or cutaway deaths, but it decent enough jump scare-palooza

Subgenre: Collegiate Survive- The-Night Slashers
Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Original, but with lots of lovely 80s slasher clichés

Trick or Treat?: Frat president that looks 45? Check. Token TV heartthrobs? Check. Tons of clichés that would make Scream‘s Randy proud? Check-y check! Night is probably Linda Blair’s most well known movie outside The Exorcist. And it’s a lesser known slasher that’s a goofy good time. From the jump, there’s that red with black shadowed opening credits font… Yeah baby. That’s the stuff.

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#31in31 – “Totally Killer”

“OMG mom, you need to stop, okay? This has nothing to do with me. You know, I kinda sorta wish you guys would get over it.”

Story: In 1987, three girls were murdered by the “Sweet Sixteen Killer” – and in present day, high school junior Jamie Hughes is over it already. But then the killer reappears, and murders another of the ol’ class of ’87. When the killer tries to murder Jamie at the school’s science fair? She hides in her friend’s time machine…which picks this time to work. So, what up, 1987?

Scares: Surprisingly effective suspense for a horror comedy that’s heavy on the comedy.
Splat Factor: The killer stabs his victims 16 times. So there’s that.

Subgenre: Cozy Retro Horror Comedies
Year Released: 2023
Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Original, but there are lots of recognizable tropes you’ll enjoy.

Trick or Treat?: I’m a sucker for 80s throwback horror movies. I mean, that’s when I graduated high school, graduated college, got to see all those great classic slashers in theaters…so when Killer doled out it’s teaser awhile back? I was hoping for a good time. I was not disappointed. This new Blumhouse joint is a mashup of Back to the Future, Hot Tub Time Machine, and 80s slashers like Prom Night and Cutting Class. Nahnatchka Khan brings her comedy chops from projects like Fresh Off the Boat and Don’t Trust the B— in Apartment 23, blending it with an 80s aesthetic and just enough blood to keep things, well, slashy. Plus, this film stars one of my favorite young performers, Kiernan Shipka, as Final Girl/Fix-It Girl Jamie. Did y’all mean to make something that included almost everything I adore? Because you did, movie. YOU DID.

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#31in31 – “The Loved Ones”

“Bring the hammer, Daddy…. And a nail.”

Story: Lola just wants a date to the prom, y’all. So she asks classmate Brent, but he’s got a girlfriend and has already made plans. So Lola makes plans of her own…and they include violence.

Scares: The main one? That this is something that could actually happen in real life. *shudders*
Splat Factor: Lots. Skin gets carved, cut, stabbed…and eaten.

Subgenre: Revenge Is Sweet But Payback’s A Bitch Horrors
Year Released: 2009
Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Original. But I got Hostel vibes. Yeah, it’s like that.

Trick or Treat?: “Hey, I recognize Brent! Xavier Samuel played Riley Biers in the Twilight films. Go me!” That’s what I was thinking when Ones started. Y’know, before my brain melted. Because damn, this film is a lot. Ones is a revenge movie…but more.

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“Killers of the Flower Moon” – a long but incredible achievement

“You got a better chance of convicting a man of kicking a dog than killing an Indian.”

Story: WWI is over, hooray! Ernest Burkhart heads to live with his Uncle William King Hale, and begins to put down roots. Marries a lovely Osage woman named Molly, makes friends…and finds that the Osage people have a whole lot of money. Money his Uncle decides would better serve other folks. Y’know, white folks. Ick.

Genre I’d put it in: Excellent Epics That Need Intermissions
Release Date: 2023
Remake, Sequel, Based-On, or Original: Based on the book of the same name by David Grann, which itself is a nonfiction account of the Osage Indian murders.

Gotta say: First things first. Yes, this film is over three and a half hours long. Four, if you’re counting the ungodly amount of ads and trailers shown at the multiplex. And yes, Moon is definitely gonna be showered with nominations from all types of film organizations come this year’s Award Season Onslaught. But for me? As much as I think this film could be best enjoyed on a big screen, I love the idea of being able to pause this loooooong film from time to time. That way you can do whatever you need to do, start back up, and not miss a moment. Because honey, you won’t want to miss one second.

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#31in31 – Halloween music fun on The YouTubes!

Did you know that The YouTubes has hours of Halloween music free to stream? Yes – spooky seasonal sounds, and gorgeous art, yours for the price of a remote control clicky. And because I’m headed out to see Killers of the Flower Moon today (yet another no-Baltimore advance screening for press, boo hiss), I’m treating myself to an easy post for this #31in31. I do what I want, y’all.

There are all sorts of musical genres to choose from, like smooth jazz one of my sisters would love, to classic Halloween tunes my other sis would play on repeat, low-fi, electro-swing, “autumn village ambiance”, 80s retro, Disney-themed, and so many more that I’m too lazy to list here.

This year, I’m feeling classic, so I chose this lo-fi mix of music, background effects, and an image with an adorable black cat waiting for me in what looks like the Bestest House Ever-Ever. Bonus? No mid-roll ads!

Happy Friday! Now I’m headed out for four hours of popcorn and Scorsese. That review coming later today. See? Busy, busy me.

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