Atomic Fangirl

“It’s not a sharksploitation movie unless someone screams ‘Get out of the water!'”

Story: The history of shark films, focusing on the fun, gory, and/or amazing world of sharksploitation.

Scares: Zero unless a few brief clips of sharky jump scares count for you.
Splat Factor: Clips from sharky movies.

Subgenre: Comprehensive Horror Movie Subgenre Documentaries
Year Released: 2023
Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Original

Trick or Treat?: I love shark movies. Even the shitty ones. So when Shudder added this doc to their list, I snapped it up immediately. Then I sat with it a while, and re-watched it for Hallo-month. Damn, this is one impeccably researched documentary y’all. And at an hour and forty five minutes, it gets into so much stuff, including films you’re all but guaranteed to have never heard of before. From the initial shark movies of the mid-20th Century to today’s silly SyFy channel mockbusters, this documentary covers it all.

“They can see you now.”

Story: Brother and sis Mike and Abby are doing their best after tragedy upon tragedy hit their family. When their Aunt Jane threatens to take custody of Abby, a desperate Mike takes a job at a derelict restaurant/arcade. Night shift, bad pay, huge creepy-ass puppets, troubling history. Paradise! What’s that sound?

Scares: Jumps scaaaaares, baybeeeee!
Splat Factor: PG-13. So, very little. But it’s effective.

Subgenre: Video Game Adaptation Horrors
Year Released: 2023
Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Based on the video game series (and other assorted connected stuff) of the same name.

Trick or Treat?: I’ve watched a few YouTube videos where folks play FNAF…and that’s all I know about this crazy story. Apparently there’s a ton of lore in FNAF. And I know none of it. If you’re a huge FNAF junkie? Based on the moments where fans of the games were cheering and screaming their approval during the screening? I’m gonna say yes. But what about n00bs like me? I liked it. It’s a creepy location, with creepy animatronic puppets doing creepy things, and a story that’s simple (brother and sis gotta stick together) but works very well within the lore. Would I seek it out? Probably, if only to watch with my nieces and nephew, who know more about this kinda stuff, and would turn me on to things I wouldn’t have noticed otherwise. But as a fun, easy to stomach – it is PG-13 after all – horror during Hallo-month? I dig it.

“…so you better fasten your seatbelts, ’cause it’s time for takeoff! WOO!”

Story: A group of local government employees have finally gotten their project off the ground; the Kolarengen Shopping Center, which will breathe life into that communities’ infrastructure. Probably. But when the group celebrate – er, have “professional development training”, so it can be written off as a business expense – at Kolarsjön Holiday Village, things start to go wrong. Then things start to go weird. And I’m not just talking about their creepy mascot. But that’s part of it. Dammit, where’d everybody go?

Scares: Nah. Unless you’re a soft touch in regards to effective FX.
Splat Factor: The kills are effective, so the blood is loud and proud.

Subgenre: Coworkers In The Woods Slasher
Year Released: 2023
Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Based on the novel of the same name by Mats Strandberg.

Trick or Treat?: Not to be confused with The Conference 2022, this Conference is a coworkers having a “team building exercise” in the woods, as opposed to Nazis in WWII trying to figure out the “final solution”. And honestly? ’22’s film is probably a whole lot scarier. As it stands, Conference is…fine. It’s fine. Mediocre and unremarkable, but otherwise fine.

“OMG mom, you need to stop, okay? This has nothing to do with me. You know, I kinda sorta wish you guys would get over it.”

Story: In 1987, three girls were murdered by the “Sweet Sixteen Killer” – and in present day, high school junior Jamie Hughes is over it already. But then the killer reappears, and murders another of the ol’ class of ’87. When the killer tries to murder Jamie at the school’s science fair? She hides in her friend’s time machine…which picks this time to work. So, what up, 1987?

Scares: Surprisingly effective suspense for a horror comedy that’s heavy on the comedy.
Splat Factor: The killer stabs his victims 16 times. So there’s that.

Subgenre: Cozy Retro Horror Comedies
Year Released: 2023
Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Original, but there are lots of recognizable tropes you’ll enjoy.

Trick or Treat?: I’m a sucker for 80s throwback horror movies. I mean, that’s when I graduated high school, graduated college, got to see all those great classic slashers in theaters…so when Killer doled out it’s teaser awhile back? I was hoping for a good time. I was not disappointed. This new Blumhouse joint is a mashup of Back to the Future, Hot Tub Time Machine, and 80s slashers like Prom Night and Cutting Class. Nahnatchka Khan brings her comedy chops from projects like Fresh Off the Boat and Don’t Trust the B— in Apartment 23, blending it with an 80s aesthetic and just enough blood to keep things, well, slashy. Plus, this film stars one of my favorite young performers, Kiernan Shipka, as Final Girl/Fix-It Girl Jamie. Did y’all mean to make something that included almost everything I adore? Because you did, movie. YOU DID.