“Whitney Houston: I Wanna Dance With Somebody”

“This is what they want. America’s sweetheart.”

Genre I’d put it in: Powerfully Compelling Biopics
Release Date: 2022
Remake, Sequel, Based-On, or Original: Based on the life and career defining moments of Whitney Houston

Story: Whitney Elizabeth “Nippy” Houston grew up in New Jersey, but became a worldwide music sensation thanks to the power of her incredible voice. But who was she really? And how did she deal with the pressures of fame and her demanding father? (Spoiler: as well as any normal person thrust into fame at an early age could)

Gotta say: Dance does exactly what it sets out to do; remind you of exactly how talented Houston was as a singer. Thanks to an electric performance by Naomi Ackie as Houston, the film pulls you get you pulled in to the beauty and power of her performances. To be completely honest, I wasn’t expecting much when I readied myself for this screening. But I was pleasantly surprised by the way the creators put in the time and effort to make a visually beautiful, compelling film.

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Ho or No? – “Christmas Bloody Christmas”

“Why are you so bloody?” 

Genre: Government-created Killer Santas
New Holiday Spirit or Ghost of Christmas Past?: Released 2022
Bonus Content?: Blood and gore!
Where I Watched: Shudder

Synopsis: Tori Tooms has just closed up her record shop for Christmas Eve, and now it’s time to party y’all! Her employee Robbie has talked her into getting Blizen-ed at the local pub, after they visit their friends at the local toy shop. But the animatronic Santa the shop rented for the season has a small glitch. I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about…why is robot santa picking up an axe?

Worth the Eggnog?Christmas feels like Chopping Mall meets Terminator meets Silent Night, Deadly Night. But with lead characters that feel like the leads from Shaun of the Dead, if they were dirty mouthed metalheads. And Christmas is just as bonkers as that sounds. Oh look – this film has RoboSantas that are being recalled because “a few have been reverting to their old Defense Department firmware”. Who could have seen that coming? Well, everybody will settle down on a long winter’s night to watch this. As Robbie says early on in this film, “Mazel Tov – cheers motherfucker!” 

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“Babylon” – messy mesmerizing madness

“Alright! No tits!”

Story: 1920s Hollywood was absolutely crazy. Decadent, hedonistic, and straight-up lewd, those in the cinema system were all-out, every day. Work hard, play hard, amirite? But soon, audiences began to eschew silent films filled with “excess”, and wanted talkies with “morals”. What of the folks behind-the-scenes? Let a few actors, musicians, and other shot-callers walk you through it all.

Genre I’d put it in: Crazypants Debauched-to-Moralistic Film Histories
Release Date: 2022
Remake, Sequel, Based-On, or Original: Based on the history of Hollywood(land), especially how the “anything goes” vibe of the 1920s turned into the “Golden Age of Film” of the 1930s.

Gotta say: Holy cow, Babylon is insane. All the flavors of insane; gloriously insane, strangely insane, horrifyingly insane, and even heartbreakingly insane. You’ll probably either love it or hate it, but director Damien Chazelle left absolutely nothing on the table after making this film. And wow, it’s A Lot. I dig it.

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In Queue Review – “Troll”

“You have to believe in something to see it.”

Genre I’d put it in: Big Mythic Monster Mayhem
Release Date: 2022
Where I Watched: Netflix
Remake, Sequel, Based-On, or Original: Based on Norwegian mythology and folklore.

Story: No, not 2010’s Trollhunter. Nor the animated musical Trolls from 2016. This story deals with people who dug way too deep, in order to mine mithril , and of course found something they weren’t expecting. As the bigass troll wanders through Norway, trying to figure out how his world has changed, humans try to figure out what the heck is going on. Call for the help of Professor Tidemann, a well known…paleontologist? Hey, she’s the closest thing we’ve got to an expert. And someone with more than two brain cells to rub together.

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Baltimore Screening Pass-palooza – “Avatar: The Way of Water”!

Sequels baybeeeee! Who doesn’t immediately get interested, even if it’s looking like a trash fire (sorry not sorry, Halloween Kills…) Synopsis!

Set more than a decade after the events of the first film, “Avatar The Way of Water” begins to tell the story of the Sully family (Jake, Neytiri and their kids), the trouble that follows them, the lengths they go to keep each other safe, the battles they fight to stay alive and the tragedies they endure.

Ready? Let’s go!

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Ho or No? – “Scrooge: A Christmas Carol”

WOOF.”

Genre: Holiday Musicals You Put On In The Background For The Kids
New Holiday Spirit or Ghost of Christmas Past?: Based on the Dickens story, and the usual holiday musical tropes. Hit streaming in 2022.
Bonus Content?: DOGGO
Where I Watched: Netflix

Synopsis: You know the drill; Scrooge is a rich jerk that treats everyone like garbage. But four ghosts (YES FOUR FIGHT ME) aim to change that. Cue the flash backs, forwards, and arounds. This time though, there’s a doggo!

Worth the Eggnog?: A Netflix animated version of this ol’ chestnut? Do we need another one? If this is any indication, the answer is absolutely not. This lifeless version has great voices, but gives them nothing interesting or substantial to do beyond go through the motions. In this adaptation, Scrooge nurses all the heartbreaks he had growing up, “I’m not happy, why should they be?” It’s different from the hard shell fans of the tale have come to expect. This guy is one hiccup away from a full emotional breakdown, so treats the world like something that’s broken his heart again and again, rather than something that’s simply pre-occupied with pointless jolliness during the last month of the year. It’s jarring, but just one of the many WTF things this Carol switches up in order try to seem fresh. It does not succeed.

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“Spoiler Alert” – a bittersweet love story that’s…fine. It’s fine.

“Hi honey – I’m cancer!”

Story: Michael Ausiello has things together y’all. He’s a writer at TVGuide, has a nice pad in Jersey, and figures The Guy is just something that’s not in the cards for him. But they Kit Cowan appears…and for fourteen years, they’re the Happy Couple Goals we all aspire to. But then one day Kit feels a bit off. And then things get bad. Really bad. Uh, cue title; it’s super bad.

Genre I’d put it in: Bittersweet Love Stories That Could Use More Heart
Release Date: 2022
Remake, Sequel, Based-On, or Original: Based on the book “Spoiler Alert: The Hero Dies” by Michael Ausiello

Gotta say: Alert is very much like those large chocolate Easter Bunnies or Santas (let’s get seasonal y’all.) Promising, fun to anticipate getting into, but ultimately hollow. It’s not to say that the film is bad – far from it I thought many a parts of it were quite good. But when you release a movie about an individual in a love story where one half happens to be dying of cancer during December’s award season onslaught? Let’s just say that at this time of year, I’m expecting a little bit more than good. With this story and cast, I was expecting great. Ah well.

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Baltimore Screening Pass-palooza – “Empire of Light”!

Ooh, movies about the movies? Sign me up! Synopsis!

From Academy Award®-winning director and writer Sam Mendes, EMPIRE OF LIGHT is a moving drama about the power of human connection during turbulent times. Set in and around a faded old cinema in an English coastal town in the early 1980s, it follows Hilary (Olivia Colman) a cinema manager struggling with her mental health, and Stephen (Micheal Ward), a new employee who longs to escape this provincial town in which he faces daily adversity. Both Hilary and Stephen find a sense of belonging through their unlikely and tender relationship and come to experience the healing power of music, cinema, and community.

Ready? Let’s go!

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Ho or No? – “The Noelle Diary”

Excuse me, are you two together?”

Genre: Family Secrets, Holiday Edition
New Holiday Spirit or Ghost of Christmas Past?: Released 2022. Based on the book of the same name by Richard Paul Evans.
Bonus Content?: A sweet border collie!
Where I Watched: Netflix

Synopsis: Jacob Turner is a famous writer with a complicated childhood. Rachel Campbell is a woman searching for her birth mom. When Jacob returns to his childhood home, Rachel finds he might have the information she’s looking for; her birth mom was his nanny. Is it going to be that easy? Will they figure out the hiccups in their pasts? Are they gonna kiiiiiiiss? No, yes, and DUH!

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“Violent Night”

“Santa’s getting mad.”

Story: It’s been a rough couple of centuries for ol’ Santa. So maybe this is his last year delivering presents “…to kids who really need me.” Meanwhile, the uber-rich Lightstone family gathers together for their annual uncomfortable holiday shindig. Everybody’s garbage, except for adorable Cindy Lou Who Trudy, who still holds fast to her belief in the jolly dude. When extremely naughty bad guys decide to do a burgle at the Lightstone family compound when Santa’s delivering presents? Ho ho ho, it’s on like icing on gingerbread.

Genre I’d put it in: Merry Mayhem
Release Date: 2022
Remake, Sequel, Based-On, or Original: Based on various myths of Santa Claus, but otherwise original

Gotta say: Please, please, please. Go into Night as blind as possible. That official final trailer you’re about to watch? Skip it. The clip that’s tempting you? Pass. Don’t spoil a moment of this gloriously gory, hilariously inappropriate, yet surprisingly heartfelt story. Halfway through this screening, I figured this would end up in my Must Watch During December playlist. After the credits rolled, I was completely certain that Night is a holiday tradition in the making. So I urge any Christmas-y folks to join in on the fun. You won’t be sorry.

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