“We’re not a couple! We barely know each other! So back the fuck off!”

Genre: Horror Comedies That Wink At You In A Good Way
Release Date: 2025
Where I Watched: Netflix

Gist: Ally, a “pitch designer” (read: an in-house marketing maven) for a jewelry company, isn’t doing well. She’s still not over her BF dumping her, and her latest pitch is absolutely awesome going viral in the wrong way. So the CEO brings in a pitch hitter to develop a new campaign… And what do you know it’s Jay, the guy Ally just met-cuted at the coffee shop! Surely this means all will be well, and the Heart Eyes Killer’s yearly slaughterfest won’t be a problem, right? Oh, my sweet summer child. Your first horror-rom-com?

Gotta say: Damn this hit streaming fast. I love that. Mostly because I forgot it was hitting theaters…until it left theaters. But I’ve had this marked as a must watch ever since Netflix allowed me to hit Remind Me on this film. And Eyes was worth the wait. It’s a killer (I’ll be here all week) blend of romcom, slasher, and comedy that’ll please just about* everyone.

Gotta admit though, I almost turned this movie off the moment the eyeroll inducing “Baby I’m Amazed By You” cranked up as the movie began. But I’ll allow it because 1) Eyes is one hundred percent mocking overblown romance tropes, so this garbage song fits, and 2) it’s the diagetic music the characters were using in that opening scene. So, thankfully, I kept with it. And was rewarded with a crazy payoff almost immediately. This is one movie that does not believe in huge gaps between the ol’ ultra-violence.

Cinematic playfulness here isn’t surprising, as director Josh Ruben (Scare Me, Werewolves Within) likes a film trope twist. And writers Phillip Murphy, Christopher Landon, and Michael Kennedy have shoved genres together well in the past. (See: Freaky, Timecut, Blood & Chocolate, and Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard.) While Eyes‘ overall tone is comedic? There were moments where the horror and suspense pulled me in. The high point for me was when Our Couple find themselves at a Valentine’s Day fair/drive in movie marathon. The blend of romance vibes, slapstick comedy, and grossout horror is just fantastic. Plus, there’s a touch of action movie vibes which further amp things up.

The cast has a few recognizable “hey don’t I know that person” faces in supporting roles. Michaela Watkins and Gigi Zumbado are here for comedic support, and they’re excellent in their brief scenes. Plus Devon Sawa and Jordana Brewster as detectives Hobbs and Shaw (yep) are here for some millennial vibes. Though I had a hard time recognize Sawa under that hardened detective scruffiness.

As for Our Couple, Ally and Jay? Olivia Holt and Mason Gooding (yes, Cuba’s son) do romantic banter, comedic timing, and Final Folk beautifully, bobbing and weaving between genre switches as if they were born for this kind of work. Their onscreen chemistry sells a lot of it, but the way they handle the whipsmart dialogue is top tier. As Ally and Jay go from stock Hallmark couple to more fully realized individuals, their connection can’t be denied. Which ain’t great for the two characters in this particular Killer Valentine’s Day story. But is a big win for us.

Oh, that asterisk by “just about” in the first paragraph? Yeah. Folks who are squeamish may not be up for this one. Eyes does not skimp on the bloodletting, and the gory FX are on point. Add to that several shots that’ll have cinematic shot-blocking nerds like me bouncing in my seat (like a POV through the hole in a person’s head)? If you or your sofa companion is touchy about the red stuff, maybe give this one a skip. Or just be prepared for lots of eye-covering. Don’t worry though, there’s typically a comedic moment immediately after – or during – these moments that help lighten things a bit.

Is the reveal a surprise? Nope. Does it lessen the fun? Also nope. It’s a throwback to the campy fun of 90s and early Aughts horror. A perfect double feature with Cherry Falls for a fun-horror twofer, or Valentine’s Day for a holiday-themed jam.

Come for: The fun premise.
Stay for: A surprisingly smart genre bender.