Atomic Fangirl

“Oh my God, I’m too stoned for this.”

Story: In 1973, a group of twenty somethings are on the way to a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, when they picked up a suicidal hitchhiker. Things go from bad to really, really bad when they try to call the Sheriff. Was that a chainsaw I heard just now?

Scares: Well crafted and plentiful.
Splat Factor: This remake definitely makes up for the lack of onscreen stuff in the original. Not for the faint of heart.

Subgenre: Shockingly Good Horror Remakes
Year Released: 2003
Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Remake of Tobe Hooper’s OG film of the same name.

Trick or Treat?: I have to admit that I skipped this film when it hit theaters. I figured it would be a trash fire. But as this is the 20th anniversary of this film? I decided to give it a chance, and I’m glad I did. This is a damn good film on its own, and an even better remake of a classic. The story is the same as the OG film, but the scares are amplified. Instead of the weirdness of the original, there’s a realism that makes the story more visceral, and definitely more terrifying.

“He’s an addict. He’s not a criminal, he’s a victim. He’s addicted to blood.”

Story: Dr. Hess Green is an anthropologist studying the ancient Myrthian tribe of Africa. But when he’s stabbed with a ceremonial dagger by his unhinged assistant? Let’s just say Hess gets a firsthand look at the tribes blood drinking practices. And right now, he’s thirsty.

Scares: Not many. This is more of an art piece than spooky-time.
Splat Factor: Red paint-esqe blood. What’s up, 1970s?

Subgenre: Blaxsploitation As Classic Horror
Year Released: 1973
Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: OG. Though Spike Lee’s remake, Da Sweet Blood of Jesus, may be more familiar to some.

Trick or Treat?: The whole “vampirism as addiction” cinematic trope isn’t a metaphor in Hess, it’s stated outright, and might be the first full length film to do so. This fever dream is a fascinating look at vampire life through the eyes of recently turned vamps, and a time capsule of black cinema at the height of “Blaxsploitation”.

“Hey Alan! Need to a ride?”

Story: It’s 1969, the Summer Of Love, and art major Alan Parker is obsessed with death. But when his mom is hospitalized and Alan decides to hitchhike to see her? Let’s just say he’ll get an awful lot closer to the real deal…or will he?

Scares and/or Splat Factor: suggested creepiness and the main character’s freak outs. Some blood, but quickly shown and taken away.

Subgenre: Acid Trip Nostalgia Meditations
Year Released: 2004
Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Based on the 2000 novella by Stephen King. Not to be confused with King’s Silver Bullet, which was a book-to-film joint as well.

Trick or Treat?: King’s meditation on life, death, good and evil, ends up a muddled mess, probably because writer/director Mick Garris paid too much homage to the novella, without allowing himself the ability to change things for the medium at hand. It’s difficult to distinguish between reality in the story, hallucinations, visions, and memories. Remember kids; there’s a difference between the art form of the novel, and of film. Bending a narrative to the will of the celluloid gods ain’t necessarily a bad thing.

The story and plot are hallucinatory, to the point of confusion. Alan has a sarcastic voice that pops up as a snarky vision of himself, whispering comments only he can hear. King plays this out well on the printed page, but it loses something in this visual media. The acid trippy Jacob’s Ladder does this much better, perhaps due to the firm delimitation between the real world and the mind trips. Which is a shame, because Garris is typically on point with King adaptations; his The Stand is a particular favorite adaptation of mine.

Still, I’m a sucker for Uncle Stevie, and add Greg Nicotero’s wonderful FX? I don’t think I’d watch this one again on my own, but as Bullet is set in October? It makes an acceptable addition to a theme night for the season. I’d sit myself down if someone else wanted to watch with me. What can I say – I’m cool like that.

Score: 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

“Holy shit – what happened to your shoulder? Do you have rabies or what?”

Story: Teenager Thale has just moved to a new town with her mom, sis, and step-dad. Things are starting to get good, with Thale being invited to her first beach party… But when that party turns into a strange, vicious attack on Thale and two other teens, leaving one girl dead? Things are gonna get weird. *howl*

Scares: Creepy hallucinations, horrific attacks.
Splat Factor: Lots of attacks equal lots of blood, people-shredding, and wrecked bodies.

Subgenre: Norse Teen Wolf Mythology
Year Released: 2022
Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Original, but with Norwegian lore you may recognize.

Trick or Treat?: A blend of An American Werewolf in London and Ginger Snaps, this Norwegian howler hits all the same notes as others in the genre. But the sorrowful vibe and Norse mythology bits make it worth a watch.

“Man I won’t say it twice – this side of town is kinda weird.”

Story: Juan is a total slacker. He’s solidly in his 40s, yet he and his BFF Lazaro do nothing but the bare minimum to get by, hoping one day to hit it big. So when the zombie apocalypse hits Cuba, there’s only one thing for them to do; gather up a few of their friends and start a zombie-killing business. For pay, naturally. What could go wrong? Hey, put that harpoon down, you could…too late.

Scares: None. This zombie apocalyptic plays out like a bloody hoot, with zombie action more than zombie spooky stuff.
Splat Factor: Zombie movie. Yes there is splat. No out-and-out organs, but body parts and blood-palooza.

Subgenre: ZomCom
Year Released: 2011
Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: A loving homage to Romero and Wright. Otherwise, wholly original.

Trick or Treat?: I’d been hearing really good things about Juan for quite some time now. But trying to find it on streaming had been a real [RADIO EDIT], at least ’til Amazon Prime put it back into rotation last month. So here I am to tell you…the hype is real. Juan is a love letter to Romero and Wright, mixing comedy, political commentary, and zombie mayhem into a delightful monster mash. There may be folks who could be disappointed in how the film paces itself, and/or the lack of outright horror, but for my money? It’s a solid addition to the zombie oeuvre.