Atomic Fangirl

“You don’t see shit like this every day.”

Story: Have friends across the pond that don’t get the American obsession with Halloween? Show em this documentary about three families in Fairhaven, Massachusetts, who really, REALLY love the holiday.

Scares: It’s a documentary, so even with walk through’s of the haunted decorations? More awesome than eerie. But be warned; there are clowns. CLOWNS. *shudder*

Splat factor: Fun FX, and tons of how it’s made. But nothing that will freak you out, because you’re seeing it from construction/creation to finish.

Closing scene “shocker”: Nup. Again with the documentary.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Original.

Trick or Treat?: Happy Halloween y’all! This year I decided to go with the penultimate Halloween thang, the decorations that we love to drag out. And here, those decorations are cranked up to levels that make my fairy lights and window clings look puny.

I often say that Halloween is The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year, and I mean that. But with these families and their love and dedication? Wow, I feel like a poseur. I so have to step up my game! I bow to these people, for they are the masters. And they’re cool, normal folks, not weird obsessives (see: Room 237.) Bonus! Director Michael Stephenson doesn’t shy away from showing all sides of these families, including what they give up. With a little girl saying that her dad forgets about what she’d like, it broke my heart a little. It’s like he’s so focused on the kids in the neighborhood that he forgot his own.

Did you know there are Haunt Conventions, like HauntCon?  Sweet, right? That’s just one of the many things you learn watching this film. Note to self, try to get there next year, and cover it for y’all. Because I care.

The only thing I hate about The American Scream? The fact that I was in Boston – north of Fairhaven – last week and didn’t know these places existed. I could have visited! Dammit!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Score: 5 out of 5 pumpkins.

Story: Heidi has a perfect slack-tastic life. Nighttime DJ, cute dog, nice landlady. Then she gets a creepy record sent to her. Then creepy gets all over her life. Is hell breaking loose, or is she using again?

Scares: More surreal than scary.

Splat factor: Tons of death and ooky stuff – this is a Rob Zombie joint after all – but it feels removed, distant.

Closing scene “shocker”: Not really, unless you count seeing a weird, flailing parsnip baby as shocking. Then again I’d mentally tuned out long before then. There’s end credits stuff to be had though.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul): An original Zombie story.

Trick or Treat?: Um. The Lords of Salem has great ideas, and mucho atmospheric mayhem. Unfortunately, it doesn’t come together very well. Not that Zombie doesn’t try. This film glows with genre star power; Dee” The Howling” Wallace, Bruce “X Men” Davidson, Sid Haig,

Here’s the good stuff. DJs dancing to Give It To Me Baby. Great getting to know you scene, with believable banter between the DJs. Zombie has a way with characters, almost as if they’re unfolding in their own time. Sherri Moon Zombie is the only white chick that can not only rock the dreads, but look good doing it.

Kind of a Rosemary’s Baby Meets The Wicker Man (the original, not the Cage version, ick) vibe, with Heidi the unknowing innocent. But I couldn’t get into it wholeheartedly. The moments of acid tripping craziness ripped me right out of the story, and before I knew it, I was checking Candy Crush. Damn that game is crack.

I know this movie could have been a modern classic. But it’s a beautiful mess that is sure to please Rob Zombie fans, but few others. I’ve heard that the companion novelization of this film explains a lot, but for me, if you need to explain your story of you’ve hiccuped somewhere down the line.

Score: 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

Story: More found-footage hijinks from the folks that gave you the original creepfest! I do not think “watch these tapes” means what they think it means….

Scares: A’plenty. And the great thing? With anthology films, the stories have to be quick & dirty. Tons of Oh Shit moments, along with the usual Don’t Do THAT bits.

Splat factor: Entrails, barfing blood, dead folks walking around. It’s not a gorefest, but it’s close.

Closing scene “shocker”: This is a horror anthology. You really think there won’t be a last minute bit of oogie-boogie?

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul): A sequel to V/H/S.

Trick or Treat?: Yay horror anthology films! This one is a nasty little surprise that jumps out at you from the get go and doesn’t let up. Here you’ll find a guy that sees things after his corneal implant surgery, a guy that shouldn’t have taken that morning bicycle ride, aliens, and lots of bloody mayhem.

The best of the bunch is the creepy, bloody Safe Haven, directed by Gareth Evans (The Raid). A film crew interviews a cult leader at his compound. His turf? That’s a good idea. Especially when the time they’ve been waiting for has finally arrived.

The down side? Final tale, Alien Abduction, starts off promising, but ends with a whimper. That’s literal, y’all. But it’s also the only story that had me checking the time. Thankfully the other stories make up for that lapse.

Score: 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

Story: Hey, this zombie outbreak sucks. Let’s bail on our robbing survivors blind National Guard protection detail and find ourselves an island and wait this crazy shit out! Speaking of crazy, what’s with these two families? They’re feuding like there’s tons of humans still left on the planet. Can’t they just get along? Oops, guess not.

Scares: A few, but mostly this film is a played out rehash of Romero’s better work.

Splat factor: It’s a Romero zombie flick. What do you think? Yes, that’s correct. Hello, intestines!

Closing scene “shocker”: No. But there’s a poignant, message-heavy final scene. Because, George.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul): Survival is the 6th – and currently last – film in George Romero’s Night of the Living Dead series. Also, the feud back story is a rehash of the good ol’ Hatfield & McCoy feud.

Trick or Treat?: I love George Romero. I love how he ties a message in with each zombie movie he makes. But Survival of the Dead is a stretch, even for the horror genre. “We’ve got to come together before it’s too late”? A’yup. And kumbaya y’all. Hands across America.

I wouldn’t be surprised if this is the final installment, as this film loses steam less than halfway through. It’s as if the film itself is tired of trying to figure out how to twist zombies into a modern parable. Sad, as the movies before Survival – Land of the Dead and Diary of the Dead – are good stuff. Where’s Big Daddy when you need him?

Hey, the poster is pretty damn cool though.

Score: 3 out of 5 pumpkins.