Ender’s Game: want free screening passes?

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Award winning sci-fi.  Harrison Ford.  A’yup, Ender’s Game is sounding pretty sweet.

And we’ve got passes to tomorrow’s screeing.  Yes, yes indeed.

Want a pair?  Well then go forth and clicky!  http://l.gofobo.us/TfM1kxHF

Read on for info on the movie, and exact where & when for the screening!  Good luck, everyone!

 

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What was I thinking: The Walking Dead – Isolation

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Photo: AMC

Stupid non-DVR cable. No pauses, no rewind, no nothing? Pah. Next time? AMC.com all the way. Because I could have watched most every scene in this ep about 9 times. Onward!

1: Just gardening. Planting the dead.

2: Fuck yeah Tyrese. I agree 100%. But you’re hurting the folks that will help…. Aaaaaaand see what you did there? Boom goes the Rick.

4: Am I the only one thinking a glorch run would be a good idea? (Definition of glorch: hand sanitizer. Because that’s the sound it makes when you squeeze/pump the bottle.)

9: Ahh, the great debate; ass whuppin vs saving lives.

* “but you know I might need to.” And I really, really want to, dad.

18: NOOOOO! *breathes* NOOOOO! DAMMIT!

21: I like men that work on cars. And use a crossbow. Just saying.

“Little Asskicker”!

24: Carl. Warden. Hershel. Badass.

25: DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE KILL CAROL. That is all. What? I’m already on thin mental ice with Glenn coughing. Don’t mess with me, Kirkman.

28: Carl’s Hat is back onscreen y’all! It’s time to get real up in here!

29: That bear trap has gotta hurt…. Oh wait. Zombie. Okay, carry on. You’re gonna drag that leg anyway.

33: This is the Tyrese Gets Hosed episode. Poor thing.

34: I do have to give props for the prison gang’s use of visitors rooms during quarantine. Smart move.

36: Carol? Aw man. I have a feeling that she’s worried about more than…. No. Nah. Nup. Amirite, people?

37: See Hershel, Maggie gets it from you.

38: Elderberries! Insert Monty Python joke here.

39: I really want to hug Hershel right now. Inspirational speech, FTW!

45: Dragged out alive? DAMMIT.

46: “Shit.” Truer words, Carol!

“Piece of cake.” Aw hell.

48: “Is that a voice?” DAMMIT! OH HOLY DAMMIT!

50: Aaaaaaand welcome to the Badass Olympics y’all. Wait. Where’s Tyrese?

51: Phew. Straight out of the comic, and just as batshit crazy.

56: TYRESE FOR THE GOLD!

57: Oh Doc. Oh Glenn. And WTF THE Hershel? Keep that kerchief…too late.

58: “You can believe somehow.” *niff*

59: Ooooh boy. I hope not, but….

Oh. Damn. Fuuuuu….

And this happens to be the episode that I played with AMC story sync. Fun!

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31 in 31: Survival of the Dead

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Story: Hey, this zombie outbreak sucks. Let’s bail on our robbing survivors blind National Guard protection detail and find ourselves an island and wait this crazy shit out! Speaking of crazy, what’s with these two families? They’re feuding like there’s tons of humans still left on the planet. Can’t they just get along? Oops, guess not.

Scares: A few, but mostly this film is a played out rehash of Romero’s better work.

Splat factor: It’s a Romero zombie flick. What do you think? Yes, that’s correct. Hello, intestines!

Closing scene “shocker”: No. But there’s a poignant, message-heavy final scene. Because, George.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul): Survival is the 6th – and currently last – film in George Romero’s Night of the Living Dead series. Also, the feud back story is a rehash of the good ol’ Hatfield & McCoy feud.

Trick or Treat?: I love George Romero. I love how he ties a message in with each zombie movie he makes. But Survival of the Dead is a stretch, even for the horror genre. “We’ve got to come together before it’s too late”? A’yup. And kumbaya y’all. Hands across America.

I wouldn’t be surprised if this is the final installment, as this film loses steam less than halfway through. It’s as if the film itself is tired of trying to figure out how to twist zombies into a modern parable. Sad, as the movies before SurvivalLand of the Dead and Diary of the Dead – are good stuff. Where’s Big Daddy when you need him?

Hey, the poster is pretty damn cool though.

Score: 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

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31 in 31: Dracula – The Blood is the Life

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Story: Hey, it’s a party! Hosted by a guy nobody knows! Wait – here he is, and he’s got groovy Tesla-meets-Edison technology! Why is he staring at Mina like that? Oh well, I’m sure that’s nothing. Wonder if he wants some wine?

Scares: Hey, what do you expect from a TV series? Though the scariest part Jonathan Rhys Meyers’ American accent (easily explained by the fact that Drac’d put on a hyper version of the State’s blandness to keep his nouveau riche facade believable to the Brits), there are a few gotcha moments.

Splat factor: Some blood, but nothing too too. Let’s just say NBC ain’t gonna try to blow The Walking Dead out of the water. Still, blood does indeed run.

Sequel, Remake or OG (Original Ghoul): One of the many, many, MANY remakes of Bram Stoker’s original masterpiece. And as with all the others, it’s not a faithful adaptation.

Trick or Treat?: What the hell? Why a TV show? I know. But I’ve been curious about this show ever since I’d heard about it. I figured I wasn’t the only one. And I’m surprised that I like the strange twists this show puts on the usual Dracula mythology. Alan Grayson (aka Big D) has come to England to destroy the group that killed his beloved wife years ago. What’s new? Grayson has magnetic energy at his disposal, and this time it’s literal as well as figurative. His idea is to bankrupt the Order of the Dragon by usurping their monopoly on energy. Nicely done.

Plus, Renfield is less the crazy, slavish toady and more a voice of reason. And you’ll never guess what Van Helsing is up to….

Is this quality television? Um, Ima say no, at least at this point. But damn if it’s not a fun ride. Any Dracula reboot that keeps me invested for more than ten minutes is a win in my book. And this Dracula is winning. I’ll be queuing up my Hulu for this bad, bad boy.

Score: 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

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31 in 31: The Night of the Hunter

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Story: Love on one hand. Hate on the other. A guy trying to find a hidden bank robbery stash. And the two little kids that don’t buy the guy’s holy roller BS.

Scares: Several creepy moments. And the scariest canoe ride ever. Yes, I’ve seen Deliverance.

Splat factor: Not really an issue. This film came out in 1955, so yeah. And also? Black and white. So even with the murder of a character by knife? It’s very low key.

Closing scene “shocker”: Not at all. I won’t say this movie is the feel good film of ’55, but there’s no stupid gotcha either. This atmospheric classic don’t need no stinking twists.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul): A movie version of the book by Davis Grubb. Same title, but now the pictures in your head are now on screen. Magic!

Trick or Treat?: Night of the Hunter is a chilling, atmospheric wonderland of Terror, with camera angles and cinematography that reminds me of the work in early B&W classics like Nosferatu and Cabinet of Dr. Caligari.

What really blows me away in this film isn’t Robert Mitchum’s performance as the creepiest con man preacher ever, though he is riveting. It’s Billy Chapin and Sally Jane Bruce as the young children that figure out that Mitchum’s shady Reverend Harry Powell is up to no good…and who have to go on the run to avoid ending up as another one of his statistics.

Plus, it’s always cool to check out just how Jake and Ellwood Blues got the idea for their tattoos….

Score: 5 out of 5 pumpkins.

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What was I thinking? – Infected

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Photo: Huffington Post/AMC

I’m back from Boston! I’m ready to rumble! Let’s do this thing!

01: What’s that rat doing…. Oh hell no. Someone’s feeding the fence zombies? DAMMIT!

03: Give it up for Tyrese!

05: No! No! No! Not her! She’s awesome! But damn fine tension build.

07: Damn. This isn’t gonna go well. Aaaaaaand that’s what happens when you snore.

10: Now I want stale M&Ms.

12: Worms! Now that’s healthy soil. Or is it?

15: Whoa! Definitely not good! BTW, had no idea there were so many people in the prison. Guess that’s changing though. Get it? Changing? Oh fine.

17: That’s a lot of carnage. And I’m betting it’s not the end in this episode.

20: Another one (Woodbury member/zombie) bites the dust….

“No bites, no wounds….”

24: Lizzy – that’s one badass little tween! Poor sweetie.

27: First the zombies, now Captain Trips? DAMMIT! These folks don’t catch a break, ever.

31: Aaaaaah. I’m betting it’s the zombie compost that created this killer flu. Let’s watch and see if I’m right.

34: Is Judith sick?

35: Fence as zombie dicer!

37: Sin-of-omission Carol! I agree with her on the turn her education is taking though.

38: Beth! Singing! Yay! (It’s Tom Waits’ “I Don’t Want to Grow Up”, for folks who wanna know.)

39: Huh. Show of hands – how many folks think Michonne lost her baby during the start of the zombie apocalypse? Me too.

41: This little piggy went…in a bad way.

45: It’s rarely a good thing when Rick gets all quiet.

47: Sheriff’s back in town y’all.

49: Aw shit.  DAMMIT!

Okay, so that’s the end of pig farming at Rick’s Happy Acres, Tyrese getting cut off in the worst way possible, and a peek into Michonne’s surely battered psyche. Plus, three dammits – will that be a record? I’m betting on no.

Til next time y’all!

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Day of the Doctor – Doctor Who 50th Anniversary will come to theaters! In 3D!

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Woot! I’m drooling over the idea of seeing the 10th and 11th Doctor (Doctors?) together. Now, all of us die hard Whovians can catch this crazy amazing anniversary episode on the big screen. With a ton of fellow fans! I know!

Wanna read the full press release? Of course I have it for you.

Tickets go on sale at 9 am EST today. My only wish? That the Cinemark Egyptian would have a showing – c’mon, Cinemark, you’re a sponsor! – but I’m going, DC or Columbia. So go get your own tix, kiddies!

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Movie Review: 12 Years A Slave

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Slavery was an abomination.  There.  Easy enough to grasp.  But there’s always some idiot with an argument as to why it was okay.  And the next time you hear some idiot spout off?  Don’t say anything; just plop his vacant self into a movie seat and have him watch 12 Years A Slave.  Based on the memoir of the same name written by Solomon Northup, this film doesn’t flinch when portraying slavery in all it’s horror, Even the staunchest cultural relativist will be reduced to tears by the end of this film.  If not?  Check for a pulse, because brosef is dead.

I’m a kid that grew up watching Roots.  It was a landmark series, and everyone I knew was glued to the TV when it first aired.  However, due to the usual Standards & Practices of television, much of the disgusting truth of slavery in the United States was glossed over because, to quote the Nickelodeon show, You Can’t Do That On Television.  With 12 Years A Slave, it’s all right in front of you; degradation, beatings, treatment of human beings as things, and the worst part, a region’s acceptance of the system.  This story is particularly effective due to the stellar performances across the board, but especially by Chiwetel Ejiofor (Serenity) as Solomon and Adepero Oduye as Eliza, and Michael K. Williams (Omar from The Wire) as Robert. Alfre Woodard plays Mistress Shaw, an African American woman who became her master’s spouse (though it’s not stated whether that was legally done or common law); her take on slavery and the Southern Antebellum way of life is like a cool drink of water among the horrors of this film. Oh, and keep an eye out for the always adorable Quvenzhané Wallis as Solomon’s young daughter Margaret.

The breakthrough performance is from Lupita Nyong’o as Patsey, a young slave woman who deals with both the unwanted attention of her master (Michael Fassbender) and the jealousy of her master’s wife (American Horror Story’s Sarah Paulson).  Expect to see her receiving many, many nominations come the yearly awards onslaught, because her performance is raw, touching and puts a real face on the worst, most despicable crimes of slavery.  Lupita radiates charisma and her performance is nothing short of spectacular.

Director Steve McQueen (Shame) knows exactly how hard to push, and takes his film to the point of horror, but never crosses the line into grindhouse.  He also takes the time to flesh out characters on the other side of slavery, giving them more than a Snidley Whiplash coating, which could have been an easy way to go about things here.  The brief flashes of humanity in these characters serves to make what they do all the more appalling.  Fassbender, as raging alcoholic/religious zealot Edwin Epps is a slave to his own obsession with Patsey.  Paulson’s Mistress Epps, with her inability to move her husband without attacking others, has a haunted, broken look.  Benedict Cumberbatch (Sherlock) as Solomon’s first “owner”, Ford, seems to hate that he owns slaves, but doesn’t do anything at all to upset the system.

Are there unrepentant slavers?  Most definitely.  And kudos to the actors that portray them; it couldn’t have been a picnic getting into those roles.  Paul Giamatti and Paul Dano (Ruby Sparks) particularly stand out as a callous slave seller Freeman and a lumber forman Tibeats.  Giamatti is blandly businesslike, going about his work as though his “wares” were nothing more than horses or bundles of cloth.  Tibeats, a foreman who is showed up by Solomon and never forgets it, is so unapologetically racist and vindictive that it’s often difficult to watch.

Brad Pitt, who serves as a producer on the film, plays Bass, a Canadian that Solomon meets at the Epps plantation, and who helps Solomon get back to New York.  As with Woodard’s Mistress Shaw, he’s a voice of reason amid chaos.

What was most shocking to me — thanks, US public school system — was the fact that my hometown of D.C. was a hotbed of kidnapping and slavery.  I knew that free African Americans were sometimes kidnapped from the North and sold into slavery in the South, but D.C. was apparently an epicenter.  Made me shudder.

12 Years A Slave also shows how difficult it would have been to escape if you were a slave, and how defeat was passed off as acceptance.  This film is also eloquent in it’s simplicity; with a subject so appalling, McQueen lets minimalism be the word of the day with much of the film.  Time passes by watching a gazebo get built, and then painted, as Solomon’s years of slavery drag on.  Patsey’s beating shows her face as she’s tied to a post, and the blood is a fine mist as the whip hits.  (The aftermath of that beating on her body is sickening; the makeup FX in this film are disturbingly perfect.)  12 Years A Slave is riveting stuff, and if you can handle the subject matter, I highly recommend this film.

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31 in 31 intermission: Salem, Massachusetts!

Okay, so I’ve been slack for the past few days. But I have a half-ass good reason; I’ve been to Salem! In October! I know!

And because I feel terrible about skipping the past few days (don’t worry, there will still be 31 horror movie reviews this month), have a look at what I saw!
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31 in 31: The Devil’s Carnival

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“I’m not in the business of murdering innocent children. That’s God’s jurisdiction.” – The Devil

Story: Three people head to bloody ends, but then suddenly find themselves in a strange carnival where they’re forced to relive what they did wrong in their lives. All the while, the carnies sing and dance.

Scares: More a cautionary tale than horror show.

Splat factor: Some gore here and there, but nothing major.

Closing scene “shocker”: There’s a head – scratcher of an ending, and a end credits scene (with the most beautiful song of the bunch), but no big “surprise!” moment.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul): The first of a possible series. (There’s a part two in the works.)

Trick or Treat?: Remind you of Repo – The Genetic Opera? Well give the little lady a kewpie doll, you’re hot! The Devil’s Carnival is directed by Darren Lynn Bouseman, of Repo and Saw II, III and IV fame. The art direction echoes Repo, with it’s dystopian, graffiti filled world.

The songs are spot on for these morality plays. I only wish the sound editing was better done, because I had to strain to catch some of the lyrics with all the competing sounds in the film. But for a film that covers little known the Aesop Fables “The Scorpion and the Frog”, “The Dog and It’s Reflection” and “Grief and His Due”, I’m happy to watch this again. Plus, it’s only 56 minutes? Easy-peasy.

Speaking of easy, the songs here are crazy addictive, with some as narrative and others as dialog. It’s fun to look at too, with beautiful costuming and actors that are obviously having a ball. (Including Sons of Anarchy‘s Dayton Callie as the wise, cautionary Ticket Taker.) I’m betting on an earworm or two for the next few weeks. Prick, prick, prick goes the scorpion’s tail….

Score: wpid-pumpkin9.jpg wpid-pumpkin9.jpg wpid-pumpkin9.jpg wpid-pumpkin9.jpg  out of 5 pumpkins.

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