31 in 31: The Night of the Hunter

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Story: Love on one hand. Hate on the other. A guy trying to find a hidden bank robbery stash. And the two little kids that don’t buy the guy’s holy roller BS.

Scares: Several creepy moments. And the scariest canoe ride ever. Yes, I’ve seen Deliverance.

Splat factor: Not really an issue. This film came out in 1955, so yeah. And also? Black and white. So even with the murder of a character by knife? It’s very low key.

Closing scene “shocker”: Not at all. I won’t say this movie is the feel good film of ’55, but there’s no stupid gotcha either. This atmospheric classic don’t need no stinking twists.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul): A movie version of the book by Davis Grubb. Same title, but now the pictures in your head are now on screen. Magic!

Trick or Treat?: Night of the Hunter is a chilling, atmospheric wonderland of Terror, with camera angles and cinematography that reminds me of the work in early B&W classics like Nosferatu and Cabinet of Dr. Caligari.

What really blows me away in this film isn’t Robert Mitchum’s performance as the creepiest con man preacher ever, though he is riveting. It’s Billy Chapin and Sally Jane Bruce as the young children that figure out that Mitchum’s shady Reverend Harry Powell is up to no good…and who have to go on the run to avoid ending up as another one of his statistics.

Plus, it’s always cool to check out just how Jake and Ellwood Blues got the idea for their tattoos….

Score: 5 out of 5 pumpkins.

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What was I thinking? – Infected

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Photo: Huffington Post/AMC

I’m back from Boston! I’m ready to rumble! Let’s do this thing!

01: What’s that rat doing…. Oh hell no. Someone’s feeding the fence zombies? DAMMIT!

03: Give it up for Tyrese!

05: No! No! No! Not her! She’s awesome! But damn fine tension build.

07: Damn. This isn’t gonna go well. Aaaaaaand that’s what happens when you snore.

10: Now I want stale M&Ms.

12: Worms! Now that’s healthy soil. Or is it?

15: Whoa! Definitely not good! BTW, had no idea there were so many people in the prison. Guess that’s changing though. Get it? Changing? Oh fine.

17: That’s a lot of carnage. And I’m betting it’s not the end in this episode.

20: Another one (Woodbury member/zombie) bites the dust….

“No bites, no wounds….”

24: Lizzy – that’s one badass little tween! Poor sweetie.

27: First the zombies, now Captain Trips? DAMMIT! These folks don’t catch a break, ever.

31: Aaaaaah. I’m betting it’s the zombie compost that created this killer flu. Let’s watch and see if I’m right.

34: Is Judith sick?

35: Fence as zombie dicer!

37: Sin-of-omission Carol! I agree with her on the turn her education is taking though.

38: Beth! Singing! Yay! (It’s Tom Waits’ “I Don’t Want to Grow Up”, for folks who wanna know.)

39: Huh. Show of hands – how many folks think Michonne lost her baby during the start of the zombie apocalypse? Me too.

41: This little piggy went…in a bad way.

45: It’s rarely a good thing when Rick gets all quiet.

47: Sheriff’s back in town y’all.

49: Aw shit.  DAMMIT!

Okay, so that’s the end of pig farming at Rick’s Happy Acres, Tyrese getting cut off in the worst way possible, and a peek into Michonne’s surely battered psyche. Plus, three dammits – will that be a record? I’m betting on no.

Til next time y’all!

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Day of the Doctor – Doctor Who 50th Anniversary will come to theaters! In 3D!

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Woot! I’m drooling over the idea of seeing the 10th and 11th Doctor (Doctors?) together. Now, all of us die hard Whovians can catch this crazy amazing anniversary episode on the big screen. With a ton of fellow fans! I know!

Wanna read the full press release? Of course I have it for you.

Tickets go on sale at 9 am EST today. My only wish? That the Cinemark Egyptian would have a showing – c’mon, Cinemark, you’re a sponsor! – but I’m going, DC or Columbia. So go get your own tix, kiddies!

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Movie Review: 12 Years A Slave

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Slavery was an abomination.  There.  Easy enough to grasp.  But there’s always some idiot with an argument as to why it was okay.  And the next time you hear some idiot spout off?  Don’t say anything; just plop his vacant self into a movie seat and have him watch 12 Years A Slave.  Based on the memoir of the same name written by Solomon Northup, this film doesn’t flinch when portraying slavery in all it’s horror, Even the staunchest cultural relativist will be reduced to tears by the end of this film.  If not?  Check for a pulse, because brosef is dead.

I’m a kid that grew up watching Roots.  It was a landmark series, and everyone I knew was glued to the TV when it first aired.  However, due to the usual Standards & Practices of television, much of the disgusting truth of slavery in the United States was glossed over because, to quote the Nickelodeon show, You Can’t Do That On Television.  With 12 Years A Slave, it’s all right in front of you; degradation, beatings, treatment of human beings as things, and the worst part, a region’s acceptance of the system.  This story is particularly effective due to the stellar performances across the board, but especially by Chiwetel Ejiofor (Serenity) as Solomon and Adepero Oduye as Eliza, and Michael K. Williams (Omar from The Wire) as Robert. Alfre Woodard plays Mistress Shaw, an African American woman who became her master’s spouse (though it’s not stated whether that was legally done or common law); her take on slavery and the Southern Antebellum way of life is like a cool drink of water among the horrors of this film. Oh, and keep an eye out for the always adorable Quvenzhané Wallis as Solomon’s young daughter Margaret.

The breakthrough performance is from Lupita Nyong’o as Patsey, a young slave woman who deals with both the unwanted attention of her master (Michael Fassbender) and the jealousy of her master’s wife (American Horror Story’s Sarah Paulson).  Expect to see her receiving many, many nominations come the yearly awards onslaught, because her performance is raw, touching and puts a real face on the worst, most despicable crimes of slavery.  Lupita radiates charisma and her performance is nothing short of spectacular.

Director Steve McQueen (Shame) knows exactly how hard to push, and takes his film to the point of horror, but never crosses the line into grindhouse.  He also takes the time to flesh out characters on the other side of slavery, giving them more than a Snidley Whiplash coating, which could have been an easy way to go about things here.  The brief flashes of humanity in these characters serves to make what they do all the more appalling.  Fassbender, as raging alcoholic/religious zealot Edwin Epps is a slave to his own obsession with Patsey.  Paulson’s Mistress Epps, with her inability to move her husband without attacking others, has a haunted, broken look.  Benedict Cumberbatch (Sherlock) as Solomon’s first “owner”, Ford, seems to hate that he owns slaves, but doesn’t do anything at all to upset the system.

Are there unrepentant slavers?  Most definitely.  And kudos to the actors that portray them; it couldn’t have been a picnic getting into those roles.  Paul Giamatti and Paul Dano (Ruby Sparks) particularly stand out as a callous slave seller Freeman and a lumber forman Tibeats.  Giamatti is blandly businesslike, going about his work as though his “wares” were nothing more than horses or bundles of cloth.  Tibeats, a foreman who is showed up by Solomon and never forgets it, is so unapologetically racist and vindictive that it’s often difficult to watch.

Brad Pitt, who serves as a producer on the film, plays Bass, a Canadian that Solomon meets at the Epps plantation, and who helps Solomon get back to New York.  As with Woodard’s Mistress Shaw, he’s a voice of reason amid chaos.

What was most shocking to me — thanks, US public school system — was the fact that my hometown of D.C. was a hotbed of kidnapping and slavery.  I knew that free African Americans were sometimes kidnapped from the North and sold into slavery in the South, but D.C. was apparently an epicenter.  Made me shudder.

12 Years A Slave also shows how difficult it would have been to escape if you were a slave, and how defeat was passed off as acceptance.  This film is also eloquent in it’s simplicity; with a subject so appalling, McQueen lets minimalism be the word of the day with much of the film.  Time passes by watching a gazebo get built, and then painted, as Solomon’s years of slavery drag on.  Patsey’s beating shows her face as she’s tied to a post, and the blood is a fine mist as the whip hits.  (The aftermath of that beating on her body is sickening; the makeup FX in this film are disturbingly perfect.)  12 Years A Slave is riveting stuff, and if you can handle the subject matter, I highly recommend this film.

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31 in 31 intermission: Salem, Massachusetts!

Okay, so I’ve been slack for the past few days. But I have a half-ass good reason; I’ve been to Salem! In October! I know!

And because I feel terrible about skipping the past few days (don’t worry, there will still be 31 horror movie reviews this month), have a look at what I saw!
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31 in 31: The Devil’s Carnival

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“I’m not in the business of murdering innocent children. That’s God’s jurisdiction.” – The Devil

Story: Three people head to bloody ends, but then suddenly find themselves in a strange carnival where they’re forced to relive what they did wrong in their lives. All the while, the carnies sing and dance.

Scares: More a cautionary tale than horror show.

Splat factor: Some gore here and there, but nothing major.

Closing scene “shocker”: There’s a head – scratcher of an ending, and a end credits scene (with the most beautiful song of the bunch), but no big “surprise!” moment.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul): The first of a possible series. (There’s a part two in the works.)

Trick or Treat?: Remind you of Repo – The Genetic Opera? Well give the little lady a kewpie doll, you’re hot! The Devil’s Carnival is directed by Darren Lynn Bouseman, of Repo and Saw II, III and IV fame. The art direction echoes Repo, with it’s dystopian, graffiti filled world.

The songs are spot on for these morality plays. I only wish the sound editing was better done, because I had to strain to catch some of the lyrics with all the competing sounds in the film. But for a film that covers little known the Aesop Fables “The Scorpion and the Frog”, “The Dog and It’s Reflection” and “Grief and His Due”, I’m happy to watch this again. Plus, it’s only 56 minutes? Easy-peasy.

Speaking of easy, the songs here are crazy addictive, with some as narrative and others as dialog. It’s fun to look at too, with beautiful costuming and actors that are obviously having a ball. (Including Sons of Anarchy‘s Dayton Callie as the wise, cautionary Ticket Taker.) I’m betting on an earworm or two for the next few weeks. Prick, prick, prick goes the scorpion’s tail….

Score: wpid-pumpkin9.jpg wpid-pumpkin9.jpg wpid-pumpkin9.jpg wpid-pumpkin9.jpg  out of 5 pumpkins.

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31 in 31: Attack of the Crab Monsters

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Story: Fallout from nuclear bomb testing = too much radiation on a tiny island. Too much radiation on a tiny island = giant mutant crabs hungry for human brains!

Scares: Only when you see the cheesy crab monster, complete with eyelids. And the sexism; “stay there, Martie!”

Splat factor: Even though the crab monster eats brains, there’s not so much as a drop of blood anywhere. Well, unless you count some chocolate sauce on a guy’s leg after he’s “hurt” by said crab monster.

Closing scene “shocker”: No dice. This film cranks out the fun, then wraps it all up with a bow so the 50s audience could go home without a care in the world.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul): Um. Yes. Original.

Trick or Treat?: Shakey cam as earthquake FX! A young Professor from Gilligan’s Island (that’d be Russell Johnson y’all)! A femme fatale with the obligatory pointy 50s boobs! (And why was that ever a thing?) This Rodger Corman schlock classic is an absolute hoot. Makes me long for a drive-in and a big ol’ bucket of popcorn. Well done, Mr. Corman. Well done.

I do love the underwater scuba scene, with all those fishies and rays. Just lovely. But Corman does have a soft spot for water. See: his current oveure, including Sharktopus and Dino-shark.

But one thing; it’s Crab Monsters, but there’s only one. Bummer. Other than that? For one hour, kick back and enjoy the silly. You know your grandparents did.

Score: wpid-pumpkin9.jpg wpid-pumpkin9.jpg wpid-pumpkin9.jpg wpid-pumpkin9.jpg out of 5 pumpkins.

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31 in 31: The Frighteners

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Story: You know the one about the guy who can actually see ghosts, but uses them to scam folks? But then gets in over his head when a really sinister force – maybe the Grim Reaper itself – threatens his town? Well, now you do.

Scares: Even though this is touted as a horror comedy, there are some seriously creepy moments. Case in point; the opening scene.

Splat factor: Ghosts = not much blood.

Closing scene “shocker”: Kinda? But that’d spoil the fun. Oh, and there’s a great twist. No really, see for yourself.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul): Sadly, this is one of a kind.

Trick or Treat?: Mmmm, tasty tasty! This is one of my all-time favorite movies, horror or otherwise. So I decided to treat myself and re-watch it for this year’s 31. Hello, it stars Michael J. Fox, and he’s hilarious! It’s written and directed by Peter “The Man” Jackson! Music by Danny Elfman! And if that’s not enough for you, Jeffrey “Reanimator” Combs as a freaky FBI agent (and the funniest thing in the whole film)!

I could wax poetic about this film for hours. But I’ll keep it to this: The Frighteners is the film for folks too grossed out by Jackson’s Dead Alive (another bit of horror awesomeness from PJ), but love his delightfully twisted humor. He also pulls off a pathos – his ability to see ghosts comes from a tragic accident – and he tugs the heartstrings without getting schmaltzy.

Plus the the best ghost sidekicks evah! Especially Chi McBride (Pushing Daisies), as a 70s ghost who is constantly disgruntled. Mad props to R. Lee Ermey as ghost Sgt. Hiles, and John Astin as borderline senile ghost sidekick The Judge. I miss you guys.

And let’s not forget Michael J. Fox at his prime. Comedic timing and the ability to pull off believable horror? Two treats in one y’all.

Score: wpid-pumpkin9.jpg wpid-pumpkin9.jpg wpid-pumpkin9.jpg wpid-pumpkin9.jpg wpid-pumpkin9.jpg out of 5 pumpkins.

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31 in 31: Monsters Inside Me

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Story: You just live your life, doing your thing. Suddenly, you’re attacked! By things you can’t see. Because they’re inside you. BRAIIIIIINS!

Scares: Aplenty. You may never want to eat, drink or go anywhere ever again.

Splat factor: Tons, but it’s all CGI. But it’s based on real life occurrences, so eek! And let’s not forget real life “stool samples”, lung fluid, spinal taps…. Blergh.

Closing scene “shocker”: Thankfully, no. Things are nicely tied up at the end of each episode. Bonus: there are tips and information on how to avoid infestation. *shudder*

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul): This is an Animal Planet series, so it’s…repeating?

Trick or Treat?: Oh man. I saw this on Netflix, and watched…and got hooked…and have spent the last few days freaking out.

Rat lungworm. Maggots. Anisakis worms. Scabies. Roundworm. Leeches. Just typing these out gives me the itchies. But the show itself is a freak out of epic proportions. Scientists and doctors come on to explain what, how and why, but the scary feeling just hangs on. Like a hookworm.

Wanna put everyone off their Halloween candy? Here you go. Just make sure that you can justify everything you serve your guests. Because after this? There’s gonna be questions. Now if you’ll excuse me, I feel a little queasy….

Score: wpid-pumpkin9.jpg wpid-pumpkin9.jpg wpid-pumpkin9.jpg wpid-pumpkin9.jpg out of 5 pumpkins.

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31 in 31: Stake Land

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Story: A plague has broken out. People turn into vampires, and they’re hungry. A young boy is saved by a mysterious stranger called Mister, and together with a few other survivors, they look for “New Eden”. Unfortunately, vamps aren’t the only dangerous thing roaming around….

Scares: Low key, but effective, and scattered throughout.

Splat factor: Lots of icky black blood, and gory-tastic makeup FX! No overkill, which makes the splat even more effective.

Closing scene “shocker”: No.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul): 100% original.

Trick or Treat?: Stake Land is a slow burn horror movie. The kind that feels like it’s what could happen if something like a vampire plague really did happen. It’s not fun, it’s not exciting. It’s rough, painful, dirty and exhausting. And it’s good. Think of an episode of The Walking Dead if it was vamps instead of zombies, and if everyone was exhausted. Yeah.

I hesitated on this film because as far as I knew, it was a straight to video wonder. However, it got great buzz at TIFF, and positive reviews during it’s brief theatrical run. But it’s almost a four star rating at the ‘Flix, so I figured I’d give it a try. Stake Land has a Near Dark vibe to it, but where Near Dark was a western underneath, Stake Land is more a traveling, post-apocalyptic buddy pic. Y’know, without the jokes.

There’s a few actors you may recognize here; Kelly McGillis (Top Gun), Michael Cerveris (Fringe) and Danielle Harris (Annie from Rob Zombie’s Halloween series) and they bring it like this movie is an Oscar contender. That kind of talent helps this film avoid turning into a boring shamble from one place to another. So does the subplot of a crazy bunch of survivors called The Brotherhood, religious fanatics that believe they know why this is happening, and woe unto anyone who doesn’t fall in line.

With it’s low key vibe, Stake Land may not fit in with the usual hyper horror films in an all night marathon. But pair it with Near Dark, Identity, and maybe the campy but fun John Carpenter’s Vampires? You’ve got yourself a mellow little existential horror-a-thon.

Psst: check out the prequel webisodes on YouTube – they’re very cool.

Score: wpid-pumpkin9.jpg wpid-pumpkin9.jpg wpid-pumpkin9.jpg wpid-pumpkin9.jpg  out of 5 pumpkins.

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