In Queue Review – “Red Clover”

Posted on March 17, 2022 by Denise

“What eats gold coins?” [Ooh, I think I know! – Eds]

Genre: Holiday Horrors
Release Date: 2012
Where I Watched: Vudu

Gist: Keening, Massachusetts hasn’t had a Saint Patrick’s Day festival in decades. Sixty, to be exact. Ever since a killer Leprechaun massacred the town…supposedly. But with this year’s fest and local gal Karen O’Hara accidentally unleashing some sort of Leprechaun creature in the woods? She’s got four days before things get redder than that clover she picked in the woods.

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In Queue Review – “Turning Red”!

Posted on March 11, 2022 by Denise

“Red is a lucky color.”

Genre: “Um, guess what?” Coming Of Age Animated Stories
Release Date: 2022
Where I Watched: Disney+

Gist: It’s 2002 y’all – hooray, we survived Y2K! And thirteen-year-old Meilin “Mei Mei” Lee is an eighth-grader on a mission; to be wholly herself. Y’know, unless she’s with her mom Ming, when she does what she’s told. Now, Mei loves being with her mom, but one night when Ming truly embarasses the [RADIO EDIT] out of Mei In The Public, in front of a group of her classmates? Mei wakes up the next day with a few changes. What’s red and white and freaked out all over? Yeah. Changes.

Talky talk: Hoooo boy did Red hit the memories for me. Lines like “Honoring your parents sounds great, but if you take it too far, well, you might forget to honor yourself”? I could have used that back when I was thirteen. [YOU CAN’T HONOR YOUR PARENTS ENOUGH – Editor’s Nisei parents screaming from their urns] But Red isn’t a Kids vs. Grownups story, though that would have been the easy road to go down. Instead, writer/director Domee Shi – you know, that amazing woman who created 2018’s Oscar winning animated short, Bao – digs deeper, to find the connections a newly minted teen might have with her friends, her family, her heritage, and herself. These connections weave together seamlessly into a narrative that’s fun, touching, and funky.

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Freaky Fridays – “Hellbender”!

Posted on March 11, 2022 by Denise
Horror, Cult Movies, Exploitation Cinema, 70s Schlock, and more! Let’s start the weekend off by getting freaky! Or something like that…

“Spring eats Summer, Summer eats Fall, Fall eats Winter, Winter eats Spring.”

Genre: Witchy Horror
Year Released: 2022
411: Written and directed by the family trio of John Adams, Zelda Adams, and Toby Poser.
Where I Watched: Shudder

Synopsis: Izzy is a teenager living the vegan scavenger lifestyle deep in the woods with her mom. Really gorgeous modern house, beautifully styled…so why are they “roughing it” away from humanity? Izzy is dying to know. But as she tries to befriend another teen, the answer becomes pretty clear.

Fabulous or Frustrating?: No, the title of this film isn’t based on the salamander. It’s the name of Izzy and her mom’s band, though they don’t play for anyone but themselves. A mix of Raw and The Witch, if that story was directed by Yorgos Lanthimos, this film is a mind-trip, but in a most excellent way. Like, totally y’all. (Don’t know why I’m writing like that, but let’s roll with it.) Hellbender mixes various types of witchcraft lore and cottagecore to create an interesting take on coming-of-age in the 21st century.

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Baltimore Screening Pass-palooza – “The Lost City”!

Posted on March 10, 2022 by Denise
Note: Paramount has now lifted their covid restricted capacities so this screening may be filled up to 100%. Please bear this in mind when you’re deciding on attending. Be safe out there, lovely people!

I’ve gotta say the teasers for this film have intrigued me. Feels like Romancing the Stone by way of 60s James Bond . Anyway, synopsis!

Brilliant, but reclusive author Loretta Sage (Sandra Bullock) has spent her career writing about exotic places in her popular romance-adventure novels featuring handsome cover model Alan (Channing Tatum), who has dedicated his life to embodying the hero character, “Dash.” While on tour promoting her new book with Alan, Loretta is kidnapped by an eccentric billionaire (Daniel Radcliffe) who hopes that she can lead him to the ancient lost city’s treasure from her latest story. Wanting to prove that he can be a hero in real life and not just on the pages of her books, Alan sets off to rescue her. Thrust into an epic jungle adventure, the unlikely pair will need to work together to survive the elements and find the ancient treasure before it’s lost forever.

Ready? Let’s go!

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In Queue Review – “Stitches”

Posted on March 9, 2022 by Denise

“Just for the record, not every party ends up with a dead clown.”

Genre: Payback Slashers
Release Date: 2013
Where I Watched: Shudder

Gist: Little Tommy is having a birthday party, and his mom hired Stitches the clown. A drunk, cantankerous clown that the kids immediately ridicule. But when the kids pranks end up with a dead clown? I’m sure nothing will happen. It’s not like that clown will come back from the dead and take revenge six years later, when these bratty kids are in high school. Right?

Talky talk: Irish film board! Set in Ireland! Irish actors! Happy St. Pat’s Month, bitches! That’s right – this horror comedy is perfect for when you want to freak out your friends after a day filled with green beer. It’s a gorefest, so maybe don’t serve soda bread when you queue this up.

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Freaky Fridays – “Headgame”!

Posted on March 6, 2022 by Denise
Horror, Cult Movies, Exploitation Cinema, 70s Schlock, and more! Let’s start the weekend off by getting freaky! Or something like that…

“Hey – wanna meet some friends of mine? I bet you’ll fit right in.”

Genre: “How did I get here?” Countdown Horror
Year Released: 2018
411: A Gravitas Ventures joint. So adjust your expectations. Or, if you’re like me, get stoked.
Where I Watched: Vudu Free-With-Ads

Synopsis: Jackie has a date with a good-looking rich guy. California jackpot! So when he asked her if she wants to go meet some of his friends, it’s a no-brainer for Jackie. Unfortunately, a whole lot of other folks were tricked into coming to this party by a pretty person. And when the invitees wake up the next morning? They all have cameras surgically attached to their foreheads, and are told only one survivor can escape. Uh, party.

Fabulous or Frustrating?: Throw Saw, Battle Royale, and Squid Game into a blender, hit frappe, and you’ve got Headgame. Yeah, the Final Girl is telegraphed from the jump, and we all know how things will pan out for the group of gamers forced into this “entertainment”. But watching how the characters go from disbelief to bloodthirsty – or how they try to hold on to their humanity – is the draw here. Who’s first to draw blood, and who’s first to drop? And, of course, that ticklish feeling in the back of your brain that’s hinting you’re no better than the characters that are watching everything go down on the game floor. While Headgame isn’t as deep as the other film’s I mentioned above, it is a fun way to pass an hour and a half. Well, ’til the film forgets its own story and flails around til they run out of film. Meh, whattaya gonna do?

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“The Batman” – powerful performances, punch-drunk plot

Posted on March 1, 2022 by Denise
Before hitting the multiplex, please consider the health risks involved with participating in group gatherings at this time. Take very good care of yourselves – I wanna see you on the other side.

“I wish I could say I’m making a difference. But I don’t know.”

Story: After his parents were brutally murdered, young Bruce Wayne became mentally iffy a man with a purpose; to fight crime. But during his second year as a caped crusader, he tangles with a villain who’s sure Batman understands him, and looks for a missing woman with ties to a criminal underworld Bruce only thinks he knows.

Genre I’d put it in: Superhero Noir
Release Date: 2022
Remake, Sequel, Based-On, or Original: Based on the bat-guy from comics, TV, film, and basically everything.

Gotta say: I’ve been a fan of the bat guy for decades now. My favorite graphic? The Long Halloween. No, not The Killing Joke – I don’t like how they fridge Barbara Gordon in that one. And I’ll be taking no questions about that at this time. Or ever. 

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TrailerWatch – “Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore” gets back to basics (she said hopefully)

Posted on March 1, 2022 by Denise

“The world as we know it is coming undone”

Man, that quote hits a bit too close to home right now… But I have to admit that after the lackluster Crimes of Grindelwald? I’m actually stoked to see this film, now that the focus seems to be back on Newt and his gang. Plus, I’m loving the extreme snark of the wonderful Jessica Williams as Eulalie Hicks, and the dark hotness of Mads Mikkelsen as a new and improved Grindelwald. (What? I can’t be the only one who hated Depp’s makeup…) Synopsis!

With Gellert Grindelwald’s power rapidly growing, Albus Dumbledore entrusts Newt Scamander and his friends with a mission leading to a clash with Grindelwald’s army. Dumbledore must also decide how long he will stay on the sidelines in the approaching war.

Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore hits theaters April 15th, 2022.

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Freaky Fridays – “Silent Retreat”

Posted on February 25, 2022 by Denise
Horror, Cult Movies, Exploitation Cinema, 70s Schlock, and more! Let’s start the weekend off by getting freaky! Or something like that…

“Please come back! PLEASE!” [editor: NO.]

Genre: Stepford And Descent Ripoffs
Year Released: 2013
Pedigree: NONE.
Where I Watched: Shudder

Synopsis: Janey has two options before her; go to a silent “Heal Thyself” retreat in the woods, or head directly to jail. What’s the worst that can happen out in a cabin in the woods?

Fabulous or Frustrating?: A story about how misogynistic men try to “cure” young women and turn them into perfect wife material is an intriguing concept. It’s been done before, but the “Stepford but at rehab” concept could be fun. A story about how young women who are trying to rebuild their lives at a silent retreat, but find there’s a monster in the woods could also be a good time. But this mangled mess of plot ideas is definitely not a good time. Even the interwebs didn’t want me to find its IMDb page (there’s a few other films with the same name in this new century of ours.) I should have taken the hint.

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Freaky Fridays – “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” (2022)

Posted on February 18, 2022 by Denise
Horror, Cult Movies, Exploitation Cinema, 70s Schlock, and more! Let’s start the weekend off by getting freaky! Or something like that…

“Did that not feel like a bad omen to you? This place is cursed now.”

Genre: Remakes not worthy of the original
Year Released: 2022
Pedigree: Legendary studios similarly titled sequel to the 1974 classic
Where I Watched: Netflix

Synopsis: Remember Harlow, Texas? Y’know, where those horrible chainsaw murders took place, the perpetrator of which was never found? Well, a bunch of young and hungry twenty-somethings bought the whole damn town, in the hope of turning it into a hipster social media “destination”. But there’s still a handful of people who live in the town; a contractor Our Gang has hired to help fix up the place so potential buyers will buy, a very old woman who seems to believe that her deed is still in effect, and her old but still very imposing looking son. When the old woman has a heart attack from the stress of these whippersnappers bullying her, her son is less than pleased. Hey, is that a chainsaw he’s taking out of the wall? Ah, memories.

Fabulous or Frustrating?: there is nothing worse than a film that starts out promising and then limps, crawls, and hiccups its way to the finish. Behold, this insipid disappointing buttfart of a sequel. It should be a whole lot better than it is– the cinematography is breathtaking and the overall concept is intriguing – but it seems like nobody really knew what to do besides the cinematographer.

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