Blu-ray Giveaway: “Get Out”!

No, the title of this post isn’t me telling you to take a hike.  It’s in reference to that super-eerie horror film that is quite literally sweeping the nation right now.  I’ve seen it, and it’s fantastic.  You have too, and you want to see it again?  Or maybe you haven’t, but need to see what all the fuss is about?  Well never fear; I’ve got copies of Get Out on Blu-ray, and I’m dying to give ’em to you.  Synopsis!

In Universal Pictures’ Get Out, a speculative thriller from Blumhouse (producers of The Visit, Insidious series and The Gift) and the mind of Jordan Peele, when a young African-American man visits his white girlfriend’s family estate, he becomes ensnared in a more sinister real reason for the invitation. Now that Chris (Daniel Kaluuya, Sicario) and his girlfriend, Rose (Allison Williams, Girls), have reached the meet-the- parents milestone of dating, she invites him for a weekend getaway upstate with Missy (Catherine Keener, Captain Phillips) and Dean (Bradley Whitford, The Cabin in the Woods). At first, Chris reads the family’s overly accommodating behavior as nervous attempts to deal with their daughter’s interracial relationship, but as the weekend progresses, a series of increasingly disturbing discoveries lead him to a truth that he could have never imagined.

Keanu was hilarious, as well as a well-crafted comedy.  But what Jordan Peele does with horror? Well now.  You’ll have to see, won’t you?  C’mon then! Continue reading

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Review-in-a-Flash: “Alien: Covenant”

Sometimes I’m too lazy for a full-out piece. Sometimes everything I’ve got to say about a film can be summarized in a sentence or two. Sometimes it’s both. So herewith, a quick-n-dirty on Alien: Covenant!

Nutshell: While Covenant abuses the Stupid People Doing Stupid Things trope, meditations on life, humanity, and creation give the story just enough heft to keep things interesting. Covenant answers a few questions left hanging from Prometheus, while giving us more to wonder about for the inevitable next film.  Grade: B

“You hear that?  Nothing.  No birds.  No animals.  Nothing.” Continue reading

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“The Wedding Plan” – an open-hearted story about finding Orthodox love in a non-Orthodox way

Nutshell: With hints of Pride and Prejudice and Muriel’s Wedding, The Wedding Plan is a sweet, quirky, and heartfelt look at women, men, marriage, and faith. Faith in yourself, faith in your family and friends, and faith that everything will turn out okay.  That this has an Orthodox spin on things only adds depth and honesty to a lovely story. An honest, beautifully crafted look at life, love and longing.  Grade: A

“How long can I date?”

Story: Michal, an Orthodox Jewish woman living in Jerusalem, is getting married!  One small problem; her fiance ended things, and so there’s no groom.  But Michal has faith that a groom will appear by her wedding date.  Full steam ahead! Continue reading

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TrailerWatch: “47 Meters Down” great whites makes it hard to catch your breath

“I can’t even see what’s below me…”

Just the premise of this film has me gasping; what if you were trapped underwater in a shark cage, as great white sharks circled above you?  Yeah.  Feel it?  Uh huh.  That’s 47 Meters Down, and it sounds like a (great) white-knuckle of a time.  Synopsis!

On the rebound after a devastating break-up, Lisa (Mandy Moore) is ready for adventure while on vacation in Mexico. Even still, she needs a little extra persuasion when her daring sister Kate (Claire Holt) suggests they go shark diving with some locals. Once underwater in a protective cage, Lisa and Kate catch a once in a lifetime, face-to-face look at majestic Great Whites. But when their worst fears are realized and the cage breaks away from their boat, they find themselves plummeting to the bottom of the seabed, too deep to radio for help without making themselves vulnerable to the savage sharks, their oxygen supplies rapidly dwindling. 47 METERS DOWN is a terrifying tale of survival set in the domain of the ocean’s fiercest creatures.

All I can say is that they better not do anything to Rebecca Pearson, dammit! Hear me now!

47 Meters Down da-dummms into theaters June 16th, 2017.

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Baltimore Screening Pass-palooza: “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales”!

Two can keep a secret if one of them is dead, amirite?  Well, that certainly sounds like the golden rule in the fifth film of the Pirates of the Caribbean series – and with Javier Bardem as the Big Bad in this one, he’s sure to give some good creep… Synopsis!

Johnny Depp returns to the big screen as the iconic, swashbuckling anti-hero Jack Sparrow in the all-new “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales.” The rip-roaring adventure finds down-on-his-luck Captain Jack feeling the winds of ill-fortune blowing strongly his way when deadly ghost sailors, led by the terrifying Captain Salazar (Javier Bardem), escape from the Devil’s Triangle bent on killing every pirate at sea—notably Jack. Jack’s only hope of survival lies in the legendary Trident of Poseidon, but to find it he must forge an uneasy alliance with Carina Smyth (Kaya Scodelario), a brilliant and beautiful astronomer, and Henry (Brenton Thwaites), a headstrong young sailor in the Royal Navy. At the helm of the Dying Gull, his pitifully small and shabby ship, Captain Jack seeks not only to reverse his recent spate of ill fortune, but to save his very life from the most formidable and malicious foe he has ever faced.

Ready to walk the plank, me hearties?

Continue reading

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TrailerWatch: “The Emoji Movie”, because the Hollywood Idea Factory is dead.

I’m guessing the pitch meeting went a little something like this:

“Yeah, a film about emojis.  Yes, the things you use on your phone when you text.  It is completely stupid, but think of the merchandising!”  Aaaaand, sold.

Looks like the usual “become who you are” kids film trope, along with practically every cliche you’ve ever seen in a film aimed at the kid/tween set. But with Poo Emoji, because basic scatological humor is so 2016.

Why does this movie exist?  And Jesus Christ, they got quality talent like T.J. Miller, Anna Faris and SIR PATRICK STEWART to lend their voices. Where’s a headdesk emoji when I need one?

The Emoji Movie hits theaters July 28th, 2017*. And probably hits streaming services two weeks later, max.

*I know the poster says August 8th. Apparently this film isn’t top on the studio’s radar; I’m sure they’ll fix things with a new poster soon. Probably.

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TrailerWatch: “Transformers: The Last Knight” International Trailer

“You want to know, don’t you?  Why they keep coming here?”

Yes.  Yes I do.  Okay I’ll admit it; as much as I adore Michael Bay Go Boom, I’ve been wondering if the Transformers franchise was overreaching with the newest film in the franchise.   But it looks like another fun romp through the wilds of CGI, and hello – ROBOT DINOSAURS.  So what do I think?  I think I’ll be checking it out. Synopsis!

The Last Knight shatters the core myths of the Transformers franchise, and redefines what it means to be a hero. Humans and Transformers are at war, Optimus Prime is gone. The key to saving our future lies buried in the secrets of the past, in the hidden history of Transformers on Earth.  Saving our world falls upon the shoulders of an unlikely alliance: Cade Yeager (Mark Wahlberg); Bumblebee; an English Lord (Sir Anthony Hopkins); and an Oxford Professor (Laura Haddock).

There comes a moment in everyone’s life when we are called upon to make a difference.  In Transformers: The Last Knight, the hunted will become heroes.  Heroes will become villains.  Only one world will survive: theirs, or ours.

 

Transformers: The Last Knight hits theaters June 23rd, 2017.

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