“The Creator” – meaning in the midst of madness

Posted on September 26, 2023 by Denise


“They’re not people, Maya. It’s just programming.”

Story: Joshua and Maya are in love, and living their life on a remote desert island that seems perfect in every way. Yet, outside their perfect world, a fight for the future of humanity rages. AI has been upgraded to nearly human levels of sentience, and after a nuclear warhead is released in downtown LA? Well, let’s just say America isn’t keen on robotics, and will go anywhere and do anything to eliminate them. Yep, you guessed it; the fight comes to Joshua and Maya’s island, and soon Joshua becomes ensnared in a plot to capture “the ultimate AI weapon” created by the mysterious Nirmata…which means creator in Nepalese. Title drop, y’all!

Genre I’d put it in: Message-y Sci-Fi With Heart
Release Date: 2023
Remake, Sequel, Based-On, or Original: Original, though there are definitely homages to other stories.

Gotta say: Sorry for the on the nose alliteration in this title’s review. But I couldn’t seem to string together more poignant words at that moment, so here I am, running with it. If you got the good-chills watching Rogue One, The Creator is gonna be your favorite thing to watch this year. Creator is a mashup of Blade Runner, The Golden Child, and Dune‘s Butlerian Jihad. It’s incredible, and I loved every second. I’m not blowing things out of proportion. In fact, I’m kinda trying to keep things low-key and cool-like, so as not to scare the newbies here. Hey. What’s up, you. Welcome.

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“Cassandro” won my heart!

Posted on September 14, 2023 by Denise
While I firmly support the members of WGA and SAG/AFTRA, I also respect that they should be given recognition – and back ends – on work already in the can. Get those bags, y’all! So without further ado…


“I wanna flip it! I wanna turn it around!”

Genre I’d put it in: Moving And Magnificent Sports Biopics
Release Date: 2023
Remake, Sequel, Based-On, or Original: Based on the life of Saúl Armendáriz, better known in wrestling as Cassandro.

Story: In the world of Lucha Libre (“freestyle wresting”), there are good guys and bad guys. And Exótico (wrestler in drag) is typically portrayed as a baddie, but when Saúl Armendáriz decides to inhabit the Exótico character of Cassandro? Oh have the turned, tables!

Gotta say: I decided to check out this docudrama based on the poster alone. C’mon- doesn’t Gael García Bernal look amazing in that gorgeous fit? Who wouldn’t want to see more of this “character”? And I’m so glad I did. Cassandro ( henceforth shortened to Cass to both differentiate between the real performer and the film, and to make things easier on my lazy tuchas) is a brilliant film that spotlights a little known (outside Mexico at least) sports legend whose journey to fame was not only fabulous, but important. Cassandro was Lucha Libre’s first “heroic” Exótico, paving the way for more wrestlers like him, and a broader acceptance of homosexuality in Central America. All while rocking an absolutely killer eyeliner. Not too shabby at all.

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Baltimore Screening Pass-palooza: “Paw Patrol: The Mighty Movie”!

Posted on September 14, 2023 by Denise

Ready to head to Adventure City? Synopsis!

When a magical meteor crash lands in Adventure City, it gives the PAW Patrol pups superpowers, transforming them into The MIGHTY PUPS! For Skye, the smallest member of the team, her new powers are a dream come true. But things take a turn for the worse when the pups’ archrival Humdinger breaks out of jail and teams up with Victoria Vance, a meteor-obsessed mad scientist, to steal the superpowers and turn themselves into supervillains. With the fate of Adventure City hanging in the balance, the Mighty Pups have to stop the supervillains before it’s too late, and Skye will need to learn that even the smallest pup can make the biggest difference.

Ready? Let’s go!

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“My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3” – sweet end-of-summer fun

Posted on September 7, 2023 by Denise

“Vacation!!!”

Story: The Portokalos family is struggling; patriarch Gus has passed, mother Maria seems to be suffering from dementia, and the cousins are busy with Real Life™. So Toula decides to head to Greece (with family in tow) and fulfill a promise she made to her dad; give his old coming-to-America journal to his BFF. But finding that old friend won’t be easy, especially as Gus’ familial village ain’t what it used to be…

Genre I’d put it in: Family Comedies That Make You Want To Travel
Release Date: 2023
Remake, Sequel, Based-On, or Original: The third part of the My Big Fat Greek Wedding franchise. Based on Nia Vardalos’ one woman play, which was based on her real life. Got that?

Gotta say: The first My Big Fat Greek Wedding is a touchstone between my sisters and I; Nia Vardalos’ story had one of my sisters rocking in the fetal from the spot-on secondhand embarrassment. Wedding 2 was okay, but felt like a re-hash of the first film, with too much harking back to the original story. But 3 is a glow-up in every sense of the word. They don’t bother with the glow-down/glow-up from 2 – can we just all agree that Vardalos looks absolutely freaking incredible, period? The location goes from stock-locale Chi-town to drop-dead gorgeous Athens. Even the wedding that’s the star of the film’s title feels like a natural occurrence that springs from the various subplots crashing together. (In the Portokalos family, things don’t come together. They crash.) 3 is a worthy successor to the OG film, and a lovely way to spend a sticky, icky day. Who doesn’t want to relax in the AC while looking at shots of places you’d rather be? *happy sigh*

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“Slotherhouse”

Posted on August 31, 2023 by Denise

“We’re all gonna die slow, horrible deaths at the hands of an adorable killing machine!”

Story: Emily is a sorority sister who has aspirations to becoming president of her chapter. But her social media stats aren’t great, so obviously that’s what’s holding her back. (Instead of the bullying Grade-A Beeyotch who’s the current prez.) What can a gal do? How about adopt a sweet sloth to boost those sad numbers as voting night approaches? I’m sure they make good pets. [Spoiler, in case you’re new here: DO NOT DO THIS.]

Genre I’d put it in: Brilliantly Batshit Animal Slashers
Release Date: 2023
Remake, Sequel, Based-On, or Original: Oh, this one’s one of a kind, baybeeeee.

Gotta say: If y’all thought I wouldn’t go to the one night only, one show only, multiplex showing of Slotherhouse? Y’all don’t know me. And I am hurt. Slotherhouse is a big ol’ crazy mess, with dropped plotlines, characters we never get to know ’til they die, and a weird shift in sloth characterization (yes I just typed that) that’s absolutely stupid. And? Slotherhouse SLAPS.

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In Queue Review – “You are SO NOT Invited to My Bat Mitzvah”

Posted on August 29, 2023 by Denise

“Stacy Friedman’s crush on Andy Goldfarb has ended. Time of death, 5:23 pm.”

Genre: Coming Of Age Gurrrrl Power Comedies
Release Date: 2023
Where I Watched: Netflix

Gist: upper-middle class tweens Stacy and Lydia are BFFs. They’re also prepping for their Bat Mitzvah, and crushing on boys. Stacy has a misunderstanding that only an overly sensitive almost-teen girl can create – citation: my own tween life, when I was an emotional train WRECK – and her friendship with Lydia is in jeopardy. But so is Stacy’s Bat Mitzvah, as she puts way too much effort in what she thinks she wants, rather than what she knows matters to her. Y’know, middle school y’all.

Gotta say: Based on the YA book of the same name by Fiona Rosenbloom, and turned inhto a Netflix film by Adam Sandler, Mitzvah is an adorable tale of tweens becoming teens, and all the craziness that can go along with that. Plus? It’s a family affair, with Sandler’s wife Jackie as neighbor Gabi Rodriguez Katz, and daughters Summer and Sadie as Stacy and Ronnie Friedman. Yeah, you thought those girls looked a little like Adam. Boom. The story and overall feel of this story is very on brand for girls of a certain age – how many times have I and/or my sisters been on the receiving end of a strawman or ad hominem clapback from an ultra savvy teen? Yeah, we’re so totally not cool, you guys. *sighs sadly*

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“Strays” – dogs rule, this film drools

Posted on August 17, 2023 by Denise

“… I want it to be over… I really just want to be home.”
[film pulls thoughts out of my head and adds them to the film’s dialogue in real time]

Story: Reggie is a Very Good Boi whose human owner Doug is certifiable garbage. So one day when Doug abandons Reggie, Reggie makes new pupper friends…and vows revenge.

Genre I’d put it in: Stupid Films That Think Bodily Function And Anatomy Jokes Are Peak Hilarity
Release Date: 2023
Remake, Sequel, Based-On, or Original: Typical juvenile Pee Pee Poo Poo humor, but otherwise original.

Gotta say: If you like an hour and a half of poop, pee, and peen jokes (aka The Pre-teen Holy Trinity)? Well honey, this is the movie for you! There. That’s my review. [Editor Me says we haven’t reached a respectable word count] Okay! So, Strays. There are two things that had me rolling my eyes during this screening. One, this whole “kiddy film for stoners” vibe isn’t my jam. Two, this film isn’t very good. Yes, I can recommend films I don’t particularly gel with, if they’re competently made. But, as with the first Borat? I see what they’re trying to do with Strays. They just didn’t do it well.

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“The Last Voyage of the Demeter” – an eerie, effective trip

Posted on August 11, 2023 by Denise

“You would have made a wonderful Captain… Pity we won’t make it to London.”

Story: It’s 1897, and the British ship Demeter gears up to sail for London from Romania. As the crew load up their cargo, people start to get spooked. The deliverymen wish them the best of luck, and leave “before the sun sets”. A crew member sees the crest on one of the boxes and immediately leaves, telling the rest of the crew their cargo, and by extension, the ship and crew, are cursed. But I’m sure everything’s fine, right? There’s a cute kid, adorable doggo, and a seasoned captain who’s planning on making this trip his last. Don’t get attached, y’all…

Genre I’d put it in: Classic Horror With A Twist
Release Date: 2023
Remake, Sequel, Based-On, or Original: Based on the novel Dracula, by Bram Stoker. More specifically, chapter seven of the novel.

Gotta say: Before I get into my thoughts, I need to vent. And you’re here, so hello captive audience! I often take a quick peek at other critic/reviewer takes before I jot mine down, just to see where I land on the love it/hate it spectrum. Not that I care – y’all know a few of my takes are piping hot – but I do get curious. And one critic said of Demeter “[t]he title gives everything away”. WELL NO SHIT SHERLOCK. Tell me you have absolutely no idea what the hell this story is based on, without writing that out longhand. Guess that person didn’t care for Titanic, Pride and Prejudice, Fruitvale Station, or any other film based on either true events or well known literature. Yeesh. Anyway, while that person is probably a better critic than I could ever be, and may just dig deeper into cinema than I ever do? I’m absolutely gobsmacked that there are people out there heading to review a horror movie by Universal Studios, with no knowledge of the material. Hell, we get press kits, y’all. Okay, I’ll breathe into a paper bag and continue on.

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In Queue Review – “Painkiller”

Posted on August 10, 2023 by Denise

Genre: Current History Docudramas
Release Date: 2023
Where I Watched: Netflix

Gist: A look at how the Sackler family (BOO HISS ) conned the world into the opioid epidemic, through dramatic retellings of Purdue Pharmaceuticals higher ups, oxycontin reps, and individuals affected by the “believed” safe drug.

Gotta say: Yeah, I don’t typically review TV series. Mostly because I’m very lazy. But I was moved by Hulu’s Dopesick, so I decided to check out how Netflix would tackle this debacle. And Painkiller weaves together drama, mind-trips, and real life interviews with individuals who have lost loved ones due to this crisis. It’s a strange trip indeed, but delivers lots to think about, and plenty of moments that will hit you like a gut punch.

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“Meg 2: The Trench”

Posted on August 8, 2023 by Denise

“I had to save the dog!”
[The dog is, in fact, saved. Again. You’re welcome. – eds.]

Story: Remember that preggo megalodon from the first film? Me neither, but other than Jason Statham punching a shark, I remember very little else about that whole thing. Anyway, that shark had a baby shark (DOO-DOO), and researcher Jiuming Zhang, decided to keep it For The Research. Naturally, our tiny baby escapes her enclosure and heads out to sea, just in time for Zhang, Jason Statham as himself Jonas Taylor and a bunch of Mana One’s researchers head down to the Mariana Trench. But the megalodons aren’t the only scary things swimming around down there. Hey, what’s that explosion?

Genre I’d put it in: Two Bloated Stories Shoved Into One Film Actioners
Release Date: 2023
Remake, Sequel, Based-On, or Original: Sequel to 2018’s The Meg. Based on the series of novels by Steve Alten, most especially the second in this series, “The Trench”.

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