31 in 31: Hatchet

Posted on October 14, 2011 by Denise

Story: Kane Hodder lives in the woods with his horribly disfigured son.  Son gets even more disfigured in a fire, goes crazy and kills Robert Englund and a bunch of stupid tourists, while Tony Todd stays safely in town.

Scares: Though there’s lots of humor here, there are a few scares too.

Splat factor: C’mon – the movie is called Hatchet; this ain’t no disco.  Almost silly and over-the-top, gore-wise, but considering they market this as a horror-comedy, that’s to be expected.  From the opening scene you’ve got dismemberment, body organs & blood. Things pick up from there. Enjoy!

Closing scene “shocker”?: Sigh.  Yeah.  There’s a sequel — the creatively titled Hatchet II — with two more sequels in the works.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?:  This is an original.

Trick or Treat?: A bag of mini-pretzels; I should have really liked it, but I wanted something a little bit different.  Probably because like Undead or Alive, this movie keeps the fact that it’s part comedy on the DL.  It has a promising start though.  In fact, it has a pretty good beginning, middle…but the end is the same-old, same-old.  I understand the quest for cashola, but seeing the same ending over and over starts to dull the senses.  But on the plus side, several horror icons get to have a good time in cameo spots, the cute geeky scientist from Avatar (and Bones) is the lead, and fellas, you get to see Harmony from Buffy the Vampire Slayer flash her boobies.  All the actors seem like they’re having a good time. There’s no ac-tor moments, but if you’re looking for serious acting in a movie called Hatchet, I have a bridge to sell you. Perfect for a gore lover that can’t handle the stress of suspense. Or anyone who wants to see a horror movie, but can’t take a full tilt scarefest.

Score:    out of 5 pumpkins. Can’t say I hated it, can’t say I liked it enough for a full pumpkin bump-up.

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31 in 31: South Park Halloween Spook-tacular!

Posted on October 13, 2011 by Denise

Story: Seven of South Park‘s scaaaaariest episodes, including “Pink Eye”, “Korn’s Groovy Pirate Ghost Mystery”, “Something Wall-Mart This Way Comes” and “Night of the Living Homeless”

Scares: This is South Park.  If you really need to know the answer to this question, you’ve been living under a rock for the past 15 years or so.

Splat factor:  Again, it’s South Park.  Kenny dies over and over again, and with Halloween episodes there’s all sorts of cartoon gore.  Happy Tree Friends think it’s a bit over the top.

Closing scene “shocker”?: Nope.  Just good times and a bit of farting.  Okay, quite a bit of farting.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: These episodes were originally aired separately, and are gathered here for a Halloween funny fest.

Trick or Treat?:  A box of Oreo Halloween “Double Stufs”, they’re over the top, and going through all of ’em at once may be too much.  But you can’t stop yourself and you really don’t want to.  And really, you shouldn’t deprive yourself; this is a holiday treat for South Park fans, and anyone who wants a bit of out-there humor with phoney-baloney gore.  Killer fish, Satan in a “Hit Me Baby One More Time” costume, scary redheaded kids…and a life lesson in each episode.  So watching this is a positive thing that could open my mind?  Trey Parker and Matt Stone, you bastards!

Score:  out of 5 pumpkins.

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31 in 31: Undead or Alive

Posted on October 12, 2011 by Denise

Story: Geronimo was more than an amazing leader, he was a kick-ass supernatural powerhouse.  His “White Man’s Curse” causes a town to get all sortsa zombified.  How can two cowboys get out alive?

Scares: This is labeled “A Zombedy”, so not so much.  Well, now the whole Chris Kattan in a starring role thing makes sense.

Splat factor: Hey, zombies!  Splatty splat splat.

Closing scene “shocker”?: More a WTF than a shocker towards the end, but the final scene is a bit of fun.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?:  A zombie comedy western?  Yeah, it’s one of a kind.

Trick or Treat?: It’s a Tootsie Roll; it’s not bad, but I’d rather have something else.  There’s not enough horror for zombie fans, but comedy fans may find the gore a bit too much.  Works as a comedy, but Young Frankenstein has nothing to worry about.  The song over the opening and ending credits are hilarious.  Bonus for folks that make it to the end of the film; blooper reel goodness!

Score:  out of 5 pumpkins. It would have gotten three, but checking my watch at the ten minute point (and every 5 minutes after) knocks it down a pumpkin.

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31 in 31: Tales of Terror

Posted on October 11, 2011 by Denise

Story:  Three of Edgar Allan Poe’s stories are featured in this horror anthology; “Morella”, “The Black Cat” and “The Facts in the Case of M. Valdemar”.

Scares: Mild by today’s standards, but effective.

Splat factor: It’s old-school, so not much to see by way of gore.  But these stories don’t need it.

Closing scene “shocker”?: There’s a little bit of “The Cask of Amontillado” thrown in, and it works perfectly with the story.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?:  Though there are several Poe anthologies by American International Pictures, Tales of Terror is an original, just like Poe himself.

Trick or Treat?:  An oldie but a goodie; like a small handful of candy corn, it’s just the right amount without overstaying it’s welcome.  It’s always a treat to see Vincent Price and Peter Lorre.  The wine tasting scene in “The Black Cat” is an absolute hoot, and the “drunk cam” shows that you don’t need a ton of money for interesting effects.  But there are scares too; “Morella” is a creepy gothic, and “The Facts in the Case of M. Valdemar” ends things with a scream.

Score:  out of 5 pumpkins.

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From Geek for E: Interview: Luke Evans & James McTeigue from “The Raven

Posted on October 10, 2011 by Denise

Baltimore Poe fans got a real treat on this year’s anniversary of Edgar Allan Poe’s death; actor Luke Evans and director James McTeigue from the film The Raven came to town to honor the scribe by laying a wreath at Poe’s graveside.  They also took the time out of their incredibly busy schedules (Luke Evans is shooting The Hobbit, and James McTeigue is in pre-production on his next film, Message from the King) to sit down and answer a few questions.

So now we all know what Musketeers films James really enjoys, and where to find Luke when he’s not filming (hint: you can get in for a song….)

Read the rest of the article at Geek for E!

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31 in 31: The Fog (1980)

Posted on October 10, 2011 by Denise

Story: “Get inside and lock your doors,  close your windows! There’s something in the fog!”  That’s not just the tagline for this movie, it’s the plot.  Seems over a hundred years ago, the six founding members of the town of Antonio Bay double-crossed a man who wanted to found a leper colony on a patch of land nearby, taking the man’s gold and luring his ship onto the rocks of the bay where he and his shipmates drowned.  Classy, right?  You’re not the only one to think so; the ghosts of those lepers have returned for some payback.

Scares:  Aplenty.  Hey, when there’s fog everywhere who knows what’s coming at’cha?  John Carpenter works that to full, chilling, effect.

Splat factor: Did I mention John Carpenter?  Of course there’s blood. There’s some very pissed off spectres, and it’s clobberin’ time.  As with Halloween though, many of the action shots are cut away at the last moment (something moviemakers today don’t do.  Then again moviemakers today aren’t able to sustain the level of dread you feel in this film.  Winner: The Fog.)  Most of the action takes place in a nighttime fog though, so effects are bathed in a hazy afterglow. Kinda like a Barbara Walters interview.

Closing scene “shocker”?:  Yes, but this is one that’s honestly worthy of respect. Maybe because it’s one of the first in the slasher genre. Maybe because it’s simply well done and not a way to push for a sequel.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: This is the real deal. Don’t be fooled by the so-so 2005 remake.

Trick or Treat?: It’s caramel apple time; this is horror movie candy at it’s most welcoming. A truly spooky ghost story with elements of slasher. There’s a light touch of humor here too, with the characters banter keeping things fun but not too goofy before the real thrills start.  (“Sandy, you’re the only person I know who can make ‘Yes, Ma’am’ sound like ‘screw you'”.  “Yes, Ma’am.”)  Plus, the all-star horror cast.  Janet Leigh and her daughter Jamie Leigh Curtis working together; something that didn’t happen again ’til 1998’s Halloween H20. Carpenter regulars Tom Atkins and Nancy Loomis (now Kyes), as well as well known character actors Hal Holbrook, John Houseman, and a va-va-va-voom Adrienne Barbeau for 80’s fanboys.  The costumes, the music, the scenery, it’s all timeless, and that keeps The Fog just as eerie now as it was then.

Score:  out of 5 pumpkins.

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31 in 31: Burnt Offerings

Posted on October 9, 2011 by Denise

Story: The Curse of the Werewolf guy, the Zuni Fetish Doll gal & their son rent a rundown but huge house in the country for the summer.  Wanna know why it’s so cheap? Not the mold level, that’s for sure.

Scares: Creepy chills come up slowly, but surely.

Splat factor: This is an old-fashioned haunted house yarn that has more boogeymen than blood.  This film was a network “4 o’clock Movie” staple back in the day, so except for one bloody bit at the end, you can expect to see harmless (for us) cut-away shots that kids coming home from school can tolerate.

Closing scene “shocker”?: Yup.  But it’s a good one.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: It’s based on the 1973 book of the same name, but the film is strictly an original.

Trick or Treat?: Lik-M-Aid; it’s a classic you can’t help but enjoy if you take your time with it.  As the family slowly unravels as the house does it’s thing, Karen Black and Oliver Reed put in marvelous performances.  And do I need to say anything about the amazing, incredible Bette Davis?  Oh yeah folks, it’s gonna be a bumpy night.  As things fall apart in the family, their strain is highlighted by slight makeup effects on Ms. Davis and Karen Black’s costuming.  If you love haunted house movies, Burnt Offerings is a classic of the genre, and you can see parallels in films like The Shining, The Amityville Horror, The Sentinel, The Legacy, Rose Red…and even Dream House. Why mess with a good thing?  The only things off about this picture is the strange, inexplicable shift one of the characters takes toward the end of the film, and the grainy quality of the film itself.

Score: out of 5 pumpkins.

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31 in 31: The Awakening

Posted on October 8, 2011 by Denise

Story: A group of adults head out to a rave in the middle of the desert.  The same desert where an archeologist just found an artifact linked to some horrible, hideous demon.  What could go wrong?

Scares: Only the most predictable things happen here, so the only real scares come when you think of the time you’ve wasted watching this dreck.

Splat Factor: There’s plenty of splat, but since this production is so very low budget it’s more funny than fear-inducing.  Cheesy homemade blood, ravers eating “body organs”, flashes of “gory things” shot in negative. Wow, awesome! Except that it’s not.

Closing Scene “Shocker”?:  In a movie this crappy, of course there is.  And it’s just as stupid and pointless as the movie.  Wow, that wasn’t as harsh in my head.  It’s still true, but wow.

Remake, Sequel or “OG” (Original Ghoul)?: It’s an OG, and let’s hope nobody wants to make a sequel.

Trick or Treat?:  It’s rip-off candy.  Y’know, the “crisped rice covered in chocolate flavoring!” that someone tries to pass off as a Nestle Crunch.  But in this case The Awakening was better when it was called Fallen, and even then it wasn’t that great.  I get trying to figure out how to get a group of folks out to an isolated location so you can pick ’em off.  It’s gotta be tough for screenwriters to come up with a new twist.  But the folks that worked on this movie didn’t even bother to try to be original.  When twentysomethings head out to the middle of nowhere to some burning man lite type rave? It’s silly but understandable; typical genre stuff.  But when its thirtysomethings (and in the case of the instagator, someone who looks like he’s over 40)? It’s just sad.  The ending credits’ montage is this film’s only high point. Pity nobody in this film is worth remembering for this piece of dreck. Director Vince Rotonda should never quit his reality tv day job.  Not ever.  Supposed to be a thinking man’s horror film, with a focus on characters instead of gore?  Go on, pull the other one.  The lack of any decent FX, set design or, well anything really, only serves to focus on the horrifyingly bad acting and the obvious use of scene padding to turn The Awakening into more than a short film.  So now it feels like a film student’s feature film submission.  That earned someone an F.

Score:  out of 5 pumpkins.  Yep, zero.  Anything more would be an insult to pumpkins.

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31 in 31: His Name Was Jason: 30 Years of Friday the 13th

Posted on October 7, 2011 by Denise

Story: Are you a big Jason fan?  Wanna know how they made all those Friday the 13th movies (and pulled off all those special effects)?  Look no further.

Scares: There’s every single death Jason ever did in all their gory glory.  Still, it’s more for illustration than for shock value.  Hey, it’s a documentary after all.

Splat factor: Again, every single one of Jason & Mrs. Voorhees’ kills are shown.  Ch-ch-ch-ah-ah-ah!

Closing scene “shocker”?: It’s a documentary, so no horrible twists.  Unless you figured Jason was a real live monster.  Then you’re in for a shock when you get to meet all the guys that played him over the years….

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Half & half: Jason has been in a ginormous amount of movies, and you get to see alot of clips from these films.  But this documentary is original.

Trick or Treat?: It’s a Halloween staple, a mini Baby Ruth or snack-size bag of Skittles.  You see it, and you can’t wait to tear in.  Along with interviews with actors and actresses (aka victims and survivors) of Jason, there’s also every actor playing Jason, directors, special effects gods and horror genre professionals.  Everyone dishes on how Jason affected them, how it was to film the movies, and how the movie franchise has affected the genre and movies in general.  Director Daniel Farrands has made other documentaries that look at popular horror movie franchises, and he’s got a great way with piecing together clips and interviews that keeps the ball rolling.  The last 20 minutes or so are dedicated to the re-imagining of Friday the 13th that hit theaters in 2009, and it feels like a promo reel.  Other than that stumble, His Name Was Jason is the perfect movie to put on as the first movie of a Halloween movie fest; as folks get their munchies and get settled, everyone can watch and get stoked for the movies to come.  Better have a few Friday the 13ths though, or you’ll have a bunch of unhappy campers.  And nobody wants that.

Score:   out of 5 pumpkins.

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31 in 31: Hellraiser: Hellworld

Posted on October 6, 2011 by Denise


Story: The Cenobites, creatures from a hell dimension that thrive on the line between pleasure and pain, decide to see how far they can push this franchise until moviegoers scream for mercy.  Just kidding (not really.)  The mythology of the Cenobites and the Lament Configuration (aka: the cool box puzzle thingy) has become an online role playing game called Hellworld that is highly addictive.  Are there any other kind?  After one kid offs himself as a result of getting too carried away with the game, a group of friends are driven apart from feelings of guilt and Gen Y ennui.  But they come together for an invitation-only Hellworld party thrown at some creepy mansion in the middle of nowhere.  I’m sure nothing will go wrong with that decision.

Scares: A few, though fans of the original Hellraiser movie and the first few sequels will wonder why it’s so tame.

Splat factor:  See above.  The level of FX is somewhere between the original Hellraiser ripping & tearing, and a slasher film’s chopping.  There’s a medium level of the red stuff, and a few squicky moments that will give serious gorehounds a taste for more.

Closing scene “shocker”?: Not really.  The final scene ends the film with a slam-bang, but it’s nothing that rewrites the basic story, thank goodness.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?:  This is the eighth entry in the Hellraiser series.  Yes you read that correctly: eighth.  And it’s the last movie with Pinhead.  Guess even an easygoing guy like Doug Bradley has a breaking point.

Trick or Treat?: It’s chocolate-covered licorice.  You’re expecting one thing, but get something else, and just when you think you don’t like it, it ends up growing on you.  The movie starts off with the inevitable horror movie prologue, then hops to two years later.  Unfortunately, there’s very little exposition, so viewers who aren’t well versed in the entire series may think they’ve missed something from an earlier film that was carried over to this one (I had to double-check Wikipedia for a basic plot outline for that very reason.)  Things start off slow, then take a turn into boilerplate slasher, which is a real disappointment for anyone hoping for Cenobite action.  Patience will be rewarded though.  A twist near the end clears things up and makes the movie worth seeing all the way through, though you can watch the rest of the film while checking e-mail and miss nothing.

Most of the reason to watch is exactly the reason you’d expect: the fabulousness that is character actor Lance Henriksen.  It sure ain’t for the twenty-something slaughter-fodder, that’s for sure, but I did enjoy watching a then little-known Henry Cavill (The Tudors and our new Superman in the upcoming Man of Steel) play a total tool. I’d love to write more about Hellworld, but honestly?  It’s fun, it’s perfect for a horror movie drinking game (Maniacs of Horror, you rock for posting that), and the reveal at the end is smarter than the rest of the film and comes as a happy surprise.  But if there will be more Hellraiser films in this franchise (a possibility that may come to naught now that the Hellraiser remake is toast), a bit of advice: Cenobites.  Plenty of ’em, and plenty of screen time for ’em.  You’re welcome, Hollywood.

Score: out of 5 pumpkins, and all three of them for the game-changer of an ending that pulled this movie out of the dreck.

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