31 in 31: Paranormal Activity

Posted on October 20, 2011 by Denise

Story: Boyfriend and girlfriend move in together.  The ghost/demon that has been following the girlfriend all her life moves in too.

Scares: Demons-a-poppin!  There’s plenty to be scared of, but in a creepy haunted-house way, not a silly slasher way. Not to hate on Jason and the boys.

Splat factor: Nothing at all on screen.  And you won’t miss it.

Closing scene “shocker”?: Wow yeah.  But not a twist, just a big scare.  Were you expecting a Happily Ever After from a “found footage” horror movie?

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: This is the original, the one that started the franchise.

Trick or Treat?:  Peanut M&M’s!  Mmm, delicious scares, and plenty of ’em.  When the film runs out and all you see are credits, you wish there was one more left for you, but that’s all there is…’til Part 2, anyway.  Paranormal Activity was terrifying in the theaters, but it holds up very well at home too.  As Micah and Katie get increasingly disturbed, you’re pulled along for the ride, helpless.  The fact that this movie takes the time to build a connection with these two characters (and the feeling, like The Blair Witch Project, that what you’re seeing is real) makes it that much more horrifying.  An inexplicable switch in the attitude of one of the characters makes things feel a little off the rails toward the end.  Otherwise, outside of the fact that these folks just won’t leave the house (though there’s a tossed off possibility as to why not), and that they seem to know the worst paranormal professionals ever, it’s a fantastic piece of modern horror.

Score:  out of 5 pumpkins.

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31 in 31: Rockula

Posted on October 19, 2011 by Denise

Story: Vampire meets girl. Vampire loses girl ’cause she dies horribly. Repeat every 22 years. The unlife sucks ’til he can break his Groundhog Day streak of bad romantic luck.

Scares: This is about as scary as Dracula: Dead and Loving It, but with a younger, non-Leslie Nielsen vampiric lead.  It’s also a musical, did I mention that yet?

Splat factor: Not a drop.  Apparently they all drink on the D.L.  Plus, Ralph the vampire — yes, that’s his name, and it must make Bill over in Bon Temps feel a lot better — gets sick at the sight of blood.

Closing scene “shocker”?: None.  Yayz!

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: A vampire comedy musical?  You know of any others?  No seriously; if you do holla.  I’m dying to know.

Trick or Treat?: This is just pure, unadulterated camp.  Think fun, gooshy sicky-sweet gummi brains.  Yummy, but you don’t really want certain people to know you like ’em.  But screw that, just invite your cool friends over and give this a watch.  You love the 80s?  So does this movie!  There’s Toni Basil, Bo Diddly, Thomas Dolby, and Dean Cameron (from one of my favorite 80s no-guilt pleasure, Summer School) as the hapless Ralph/Rockula.  Even though the sound mixing is terrible (they didn’t think to ask Dolby for a hand with this?) and the singing is so-so at best from our hero and heroine, a few of the music numbers are actually half decent.  And you haven’t lived ’til you’ve seen Bo Diddly in black and yellow spandex with bumblebee deelyboppers on his head.  Pop it on for your friends and it’s cool retro camp, and if kiddies stumble onto it there’s nothing you’ll have to explain your way out of.  And you know you wanna see a vampire dressed like Flavor Flav rap his everlovin’ fangs off.

Score:  out of 5 pumpkins.

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I haz commercial!

Posted on October 18, 2011 by Denise

Photo: shamelessly nicked from runforyourlives.com

Okay, so this blog/posting place/thingy is supposed to be a dumping ground for the stuff I’ve written on the interwebs.

But.

I did a commercial.  More precisely, I was a zombie extra in a commercial for Run for your Lives, a 5K zombie race (yes, you read that right, stay with me here) that has now exploded all over the US of A.  And it was outrageously fun.

Commercial goodness:

Yeah, it’s super-fast, but it was on nationwide during the first episode of The Walking Dead, season two.  What do you expect, the full-length Thriller vid?

But wait, there’s more!  The folks did a making-of featurette.  It’s adorable.  Plus, I’m in there in a big way (check out the goober laughing her ass off as everyone walks toward the shoot) and so are a few of my zombie friends (shout out to Zombie Ke$ha & Awesome Zombie Shane!)

Aaaaaand back to hiding behind the written word. Thankskaybye.

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31 in 31: American Scary

Posted on October 18, 2011 by Denise

Story: Do you remember Creature Feature on Channel 20 on Saturday nights?  Or perhaps you have your another favorite horror host from back in the day (or right this very minute): American Scary is a look at those hosts and how the late-night horror shows started and what makes ’em so beloved.

Scares: Not so much.  This is more info on the loves of horror fan’s Saturday nights than spookytime.

Splat factor: Again, more info, less splat.

Closing scene “shocker”?: In a documentary?  Um, no.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: This documentary takes old snippets of horror hosts doing their thing, but it’s an original.

Trick or Treat?:  OMGOMGOMG — Count Gore De Vol from Channel 20!  I grew up with him!

You’ll always be my favorite creature, Count Gore De Vol.

From Vampira and Roland to Svengoolie and today’s Dr. Gangrene, American Scary checks out the fun fannishness of horror hosting.  Plus, fans of horror hosts tell you why they love ’em.  And you really want to listen, since these fans include Neil Gaiman, Tim Conway, Leonard Maltin and Tom Savini.

All you young whippersnappers, this is the reason the old gits love those creaky Black-N-White craptastic movies.  Because a horror host made you wanna watch even the stinkiest bomb of a Z-grade movie, because you wanted to know what he or she thought of what was going on onscreen.  Y’know, before Turner bought ’em all and cable tv sucked up local programming.  It’s not scary, sure.  But it’s a fun trip down memory lane for fans, and necessary bit of horror genre education for those who want to know what has gone on before.

Score:  out of 5 pumpkins.

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31 in 31: Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon

Posted on October 17, 2011 by Denise

Story: Did you know that Jason, Michael Meyers, Freddy Kreuger and all sortsa rampant killing machines actually exist?  Somebody should make a documentary about how one goes about becoming a serial killer!  Only one problem; you might get a bit too close….

Scares: Just when you think this is all gag and no gotcha, things ramp up nicely.

Splat factor: Even though it’s the story of  how a serial killer gets his start, there’s surprisingly little blood.  But don’t worry, the deaths are effective.  Very.

Closing scene “shocker”?: Not if you’ve been paying attention.  There’s a twist, and even though horror fans will know what that is, it’s a good time.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: This is something I never thought I’d say; it’s a wholly original concept in the slasher genre.

Trick or Treat?: It’s definitely a treat, of the “new stuff you’re not sure you’ll like” variety.  The movie keeps you guessing throughout, with quite a few effective switcharoos in storyline and tone.  Is this guy batshit crazy? Or is he really a killer come back from the dead for vengeance…that happens to like turtles as pets? The documentary filmmakers tag along in the first half of the film, kinda like Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom. Of death.  The real horror is watching the “filmmakers” do nothing. It’s like they don’t believe /are too caught up in their own shoot. Things start gettin’ freaky towards the end, when the mockumentary style switches to straight-up storytelling.  Think something like that would kill the mood?  No way.  This is a great little film that deserves much more notice than it’s currently getting.  Gotta say I’ve had this in my queue for a while now, and only watched it for something to review.  I’m really glad I got around to it.  A smart, well-acted horror movie that is tongue-in-cheek, scary and has cameos by a few beloved masters of the genre is a beautiful thing indeed.

Score:  out of 5 pumpkins.

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31 in 31: Wolfen

Posted on October 16, 2011 by Denise

Story:  People are getting ripped apart in NYC. What’s going on? And what’s that strange howling?  Be careful upsetting the balance of things, kiddies. You never know what you may piss off.

Scares:  It gives good creep, and they wisely keep the Big Bad under wraps ’til the end.  Still, for full effect watch this one with the lights out.

Splat factor:  Lots of blood tossed around in the opening scene. Seriously, it flies through the air. Things tone down a bit after that, but not by much.  “I got a hand in a baggie.”  Yes, yes you do.  And it’s awesome.

Closing scene “shocker”?: Nope.  This one gets ya with the chills, not an end gimmick.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Based on “The Wolfen” by Whitley Strieber (now out of print, sadly).  This movie is it’s first and only time on film.

Trick or Treat?:  A little bit of everything, like a Halloween party goodie bag of goodness.  Albert Finney rockin a hep sweatband!  Gregory Hines rockin’ a cool dangle earring! Edward James Olmos rockin’…nothing!  (Hey, if you’ve always wanted to see Adama in the buff look no further.)  Groovy WOV (wolf-of-view) shots with a color negative filter!  And did I mention body parts a-flyin’?  Toss in positive messages about American Indians, and a word or three about how we’re fucking up the world with all this development (a rare message in the Greed Is Good 80s), and you’ve got a fun time.  Are the minority characters stereotypes? Yeah sorta, but the post-70s kind, when they were played as cooler-than-thou. I had a moment of silence when I saw the Twin Towers on screen — I’m still affected, I won’t lie — but outside of that jarring moment, it’s pure wolfy goodness.  I keep thinking about Cat People when I see this movie; that’s another one that keeps monsters down low while keeping the chills up high.  Think of Wolfen anytime you want a monster movie that is less about the were and more about the wolf.

Score: out of 5 pumpkins.

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From GeekForE: Movie Review — The Thing (2011)

Posted on October 15, 2011 by Denise

Prequels can be awesome (Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom) or a childhood-raping nightmare (Star Wars Episodes I-III).  Usually all you can hope for is something that makes you love the source material even more (X-Men: First Class, Mallrats), or lets you forget about that last crappy sequel (Fast Five).  The Thing, a prequel to John Carpenter’s 1982 remake of 1951’s The Thing From Another World (all of which are based on the excellent short story “Who Goes There?” by John W. Campbell, Jr.) seems to have all the cards stacked against it.  But it rises above the slings and arrows of outrageous Hollywood overreaching and is instead a pleasant surprise; a movie that blends well with, and may even better, the one that came before.

Continue reading →

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From GeekForE: Movie Review — Footloose (2011)

Posted on October 15, 2011 by Denise

Okay, let’s get this straight right now; I liked this movie.  No seriously, I did.  Had a great time, laughed out loud, bounced in my seat.  And I’m not ashamed.  In a world where someone can come along, remake a movie that never needed to be remade…and actually do it justice?  Well then, there’s enough room for both films in that happy, shiny world.  Anybody thinking the director of Hustle and Flow would grab the wheel of this remake and cock it up has another thing coming.  A fun, bouncy, dance-y thing.

Read the rest at Geekfore.com!

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From GeekForE: Movie Review — The Big Year

Posted on October 15, 2011 by Denise

No, they didn’t make this up; The Big Year is based on the novel “The Big Year: A Tale of Man, Nature, and Fowl Obsession”, by Mark Obmascik.  Birders really do have something called The Big Year.  Or rather, there are several types of Big Year events throughout the world.  It’s one of the many, many things you get to learn about birding in this movie.  How there’s often a difference between birding and birdwatching is one.  That birders are probably cooler than you is another.  (They’ve probably been to more places and seen more things in one year than the average Joe Blow Couchsitter, that’s for sure.)  And btw, Attu Island, Alaska?  Kind of a big deal.  The Big Year pulls you into the world of birding, makes it look crazy, cool and amazing.  With this movie, it’s easy to see why people are drawn to it.

Read the rest at Geekfore.com!

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31 in 31: Jason X

Posted on October 15, 2011 by Denise

Story: Jason gets cryogenically frozen because nobody can kill him (dismemberment wasn’t an option I guess?)  Centuries later, “scientists” find him.  He thaws out, and hilarity ensues.  Nothing’s gonna slow our boy down.

Scares: Not a one, unless you’ve got a really, really, really low tolerance.  This is like watching someone playing a video game; see the killer, watch him pick everyone off.

Splat factor: Jason and…anything alive?  Yeah, you’ll get splatter.

Closing scene “shocker”?: Not really.  Because anyone who has ever seen a Friday the 13th film knows there’ll be some sorta “hey, guess what?” moment at the end.  Meh.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: It’s #10 in the Friday the 13th franchise.  And it feels like it.  Shark?  Consider yourself jumped.

Trick or Treat?:  It’s a treat for folks who like that sort of stuff, like black licorice.  (Hey, that stuff is delicious.  No, you stop it.)  It’s a Kane Hodder Jason, so it’s not a total loss, and David Cronenberg makes a cameo at the start of the film as a douchebag doc.  With the space-ness, there’s fun nanotech FX along with the usual splatty goodness. Still, it’s not the smartest film of the series, and that’s saying a lot.  It’s a sad commentary on the world when silly white boys still rock the dreads in the 25th century.  Oh come ON. nanotech can fix Jason, but not the other dead? I call bullshit.  But then you pretty much know that going into these movies.  If you love Jason, you know what you’re gonna get.

Score:  out of 5 pumpkins.

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