TrailerWatch – “Renfield” kicks ass. Literally.

“Did I watch you cut a guy with a decorative serving platter?”

There are movie trailers that get me hyped. There are movie trailers that make me think “nah, pass.” But Renfield makes me genuinely angry that I can’t watch the full movie immediately. Synopsis!

In this modern monster tale of Dracula’s loyal servant, Nicholas Hoult (Mad Max: Fury Road, X-Men franchise) stars as Renfield, the tortured aide to history’s most narcissistic boss, Dracula (Oscar® winner Nicolas Cage). Renfield is forced to procure his master’s prey and do his every bidding, no matter how debased. But now, after centuries of servitude, Renfield is ready to see if there’s a life outside the shadow of The Prince of Darkness. If only he can figure out how to end his codependency.

Holt plays up a hilarious Everyman-meets-superhero persona, and Cage is absolutely unhinged. Throw in Awkwafina as a deadpan audience proxy, and what must be the most cathartic group therapy meeting ever? Now this is how you re-introduce your monsters, Universal. I WANT MORE. Right now.

Renfield hits theaters April 14th, 2023.

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“M3GAN”

“Why are we doing this?”

Story: Poor little Cady. She just lost her parents in a horrible car crash, and now she’s got to live with her self-absorbed aunt Gemma. Meanwhile, Gemma, who is Much Too Busy to deal with her new charge – “She’s not my daughter!” – decides to re-commission the android/robot doll she’d been working on at the toy company she works for. The latest in tech…with absolutely zero stopgaps or emergency protocols. Because who’s got time for that? Just throw that electronic babysitter at Cady and get back to real life, right? What’s the worst that can happen? cues up creepy music

Genre I’d put it in: Probaby Intentionally Hilarious Horrors
Release Date: 2023 (limited 2022)
Remake, Sequel, Based-On, or Original: Lots of vibes from earlier films, but original nonetheless

Gotta say: Okay y’all. We’ve all seen that clip. Director Gerard Johnstone knew what he was doing when M3GAN‘s teaser trailer included it. He was setting the scene, letting everyone know that this was gonna be silly fun, rather than balls-out horror. And while I laughed my way through a good deal of this film – enjoying every one of those moments – this film should have really gone for peak hilarity, rather than trying to bob and weave between serious and comedic. A for effort, I guess?

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In Queue Review – “Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery”

“I’ve learned through bitter experience that an anonymous invitation is not to be trifled with.”
“Now, I can handle a Matisse in the bathroom, but is that a fax machine?”
“It’s a dangerous thing, to mistake speaking without thought as speaking the truth. Don’t you think?” [yes, this movie’s dialog is so fun, I couldn’t choose a single quote. So, my top 3.]

Genre I’d put it in: Fun Mystery Sequels
Release Date: 2022
Remake, Sequel, Based-On, or Original: Part of the Knives Out movie universe/series/whatever

Gist: Hey, it’s 2022! Life is great, if you’re into lockdown. But 1%’er Miles Bron decides to host a little party on his private island in Greece, inviting his small “pod” of friends he’s known before any of them made it big. Meanwhile, detective extraordinaire Benoit Blanc is bored out of his gourd, and is hoping for some fun, when a mysterious invitation arrives on his doorstep. Fun, excess, and tons of secrets await… And oh wait, is someone actually dead? Uh oh.

Gotta say: As with most sequels, there’s the inevitable comparison between the two. So lemme make it clear; Onion is much more compelling, and downright fun, than the original. This new cast is just as talented as the first cast, but there’s a subtlety to Onion that wasn’t there in Out, which tried too hard to be…mysterious and twisty. Plus, the usual twists and turns of this genre has a lighter, more interesting, vibe. The motives feel more intrinsic to the lives and world the characters live in, than the “we all hate each other but love money” simplistic motives of Out. It’s a much better, more entertaining, story that Out, and I enjoyed the hell outta that.

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Baltimore Screening Pass-palooza – “M3gan”!

You know you’ve seen THAT CLIP. And if you’re like me, you cannot wait for this one. So let’s do this! Synopsis!

M3GAN is a marvel of artificial intelligence, a life-like doll programmed to be a child’s greatest companion and a parent’s greatest ally. Designed by brilliant toy-company roboticist Gemma (Get Out’s Allison Williams), M3GAN can listen and watch and learn as she becomes friend and teacher, playmate and protector, for the child she is bonded to.

When Gemma suddenly becomes the caretaker of her orphaned 8-year-old niece, Cady (Violet McGraw, The Haunting of Hill House), Gemma’s unsure and unprepared to be a parent. Under intense pressure at work, Gemma decides to pair her M3GAN prototype with Cady in an attempt to resolve both problems—a decision that will have unimaginable consequences.

Ready? Let’s go!

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Blow off “Avatar”. Go see “The Whale” right the now.

“Look at me. Who would want me to be a part of their life?”

Story: Charlie has lived a life filled with ups and downs…but during the past several years, they’ve been downs. His partner Alan passed away awhile back, leaving Charlie with a best friend in Alan’s sister Liz, and an unforgiving frenemy in food. As Charlie’s health declines, Liz worries he’s only got about a week left to live. Meanwhile, a young missionary named Thomas tries to save Charlie’s soul, and Charlie’s estranged daughter Ellie comes back into his life, though she might be just as broken as Charlie. Hell, they’re all broken. Who want’s a hug, y’all?

Genre I’d put it in: The Really Really Good A24 Stuff
Release Date: 2022
Remake, Sequel, Based-On, or Original: Based on the play of the same name by Samuel D. Hunter (who happened to write the screenplay for this film adaptation)

Gotta say: Oh. You’re still here after reading this title of this review? Well then, let me just say this; yeah go ahead get your avatar on if you want to. I know I’ll end up seeing it sooner or later. But go see The Whale first. Or, if you’ve already seen Avatar, go see the well right now. Believe me, all the hype that’s been spinning around about this movie? Absolutely 100% correct. This movie is breathtaking, heartbreaking, emotionally uplifting, and will destroy you. And damn if you won’t feel all the things. It’s moving and amazing and I will die on this hill. And I will not apologize for my love. This movie is just that good; I’m sending you pure stream of consciousness right now, and I am not ashamed.

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Baltimore Screening Pass-palooza – “Women Talking”!

Ready for the new year? Me neither – but hey, we’ve got our first screening for 2023, so that’s good, right? Right. And this film has been getting big buzz! Synopsis!

Do nothing. Stay and fight. Or leave. In 2010, the women of an isolated religious community grapple with reconciling a brutal reality with their faith.

Sounds very interesting – ready? Let’s go!

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“Whitney Houston: I Wanna Dance With Somebody”

“This is what they want. America’s sweetheart.”

Genre I’d put it in: Powerfully Compelling Biopics
Release Date: 2022
Remake, Sequel, Based-On, or Original: Based on the life and career defining moments of Whitney Houston

Story: Whitney Elizabeth “Nippy” Houston grew up in New Jersey, but became a worldwide music sensation thanks to the power of her incredible voice. But who was she really? And how did she deal with the pressures of fame and her demanding father? (Spoiler: as well as any normal person thrust into fame at an early age could)

Gotta say: Dance does exactly what it sets out to do; remind you of exactly how talented Houston was as a singer. Thanks to an electric performance by Naomi Ackie as Houston, the film pulls you get you pulled in to the beauty and power of her performances. To be completely honest, I wasn’t expecting much when I readied myself for this screening. But I was pleasantly surprised by the way the creators put in the time and effort to make a visually beautiful, compelling film.

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Ho or No? – “Christmas Bloody Christmas”

“Why are you so bloody?” 

Genre: Government-created Killer Santas
New Holiday Spirit or Ghost of Christmas Past?: Released 2022
Bonus Content?: Blood and gore!
Where I Watched: Shudder

Synopsis: Tori Tooms has just closed up her record shop for Christmas Eve, and now it’s time to party y’all! Her employee Robbie has talked her into getting Blizen-ed at the local pub, after they visit their friends at the local toy shop. But the animatronic Santa the shop rented for the season has a small glitch. I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about…why is robot santa picking up an axe?

Worth the Eggnog?Christmas feels like Chopping Mall meets Terminator meets Silent Night, Deadly Night. But with lead characters that feel like the leads from Shaun of the Dead, if they were dirty mouthed metalheads. And Christmas is just as bonkers as that sounds. Oh look – this film has RoboSantas that are being recalled because “a few have been reverting to their old Defense Department firmware”. Who could have seen that coming? Well, everybody will settle down on a long winter’s night to watch this. As Robbie says early on in this film, “Mazel Tov – cheers motherfucker!” 

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“Babylon” – messy mesmerizing madness

“Alright! No tits!”

Story: 1920s Hollywood was absolutely crazy. Decadent, hedonistic, and straight-up lewd, those in the cinema system were all-out, every day. Work hard, play hard, amirite? But soon, audiences began to eschew silent films filled with “excess”, and wanted talkies with “morals”. What of the folks behind-the-scenes? Let a few actors, musicians, and other shot-callers walk you through it all.

Genre I’d put it in: Crazypants Debauched-to-Moralistic Film Histories
Release Date: 2022
Remake, Sequel, Based-On, or Original: Based on the history of Hollywood(land), especially how the “anything goes” vibe of the 1920s turned into the “Golden Age of Film” of the 1930s.

Gotta say: Holy cow, Babylon is insane. All the flavors of insane; gloriously insane, strangely insane, horrifyingly insane, and even heartbreakingly insane. You’ll probably either love it or hate it, but director Damien Chazelle left absolutely nothing on the table after making this film. And wow, it’s A Lot. I dig it.

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In Queue Review – “Troll”

“You have to believe in something to see it.”

Genre I’d put it in: Big Mythic Monster Mayhem
Release Date: 2022
Where I Watched: Netflix
Remake, Sequel, Based-On, or Original: Based on Norwegian mythology and folklore.

Story: No, not 2010’s Trollhunter. Nor the animated musical Trolls from 2016. This story deals with people who dug way too deep, in order to mine mithril , and of course found something they weren’t expecting. As the bigass troll wanders through Norway, trying to figure out how his world has changed, humans try to figure out what the heck is going on. Call for the help of Professor Tidemann, a well known…paleontologist? Hey, she’s the closest thing we’ve got to an expert. And someone with more than two brain cells to rub together.

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