In Queue Review – “Moonfall”

“What the hell is that?” [Dude, I feel you.]

Genre: Space Wrecks
Release Date: 2022
Where I Watched: HBOMAX

Gist: There’s the moon, right? And moon has astronauts that visit, ya with me? But what if – hear me out – the moon is hollow, and there’s A ALIEN inside, throwing the orbit off, which could wreck our planet? Why alien do this thing now? Why not? Pass me that popcorn, my friend.

Talky talk: Moonfall feels like Roland Emmerich got wasted on Mad Dog, then immediately produced his “wouldn’t it be hilarious if” moonage fever dream. The screenplay feels like a first year film student’s Wattpad fic that was used, unedited. Tapping into every cheesy dialogue trope and exposition dump extravaganza, Emmerich bath-salts his way through it all, tossing everything possible at the screen, making sure that the run time goes past two hours for maximum crazy. AND IT IS MARVELOUS.

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Baltimore Screening Pass-palooza – “The Woman King”!

Wanna see a film based on the Agojie, aka the REAL LIFE Dora Milaje? Yes, so do I. I knew you were cool. Synopsis!

Set in the 19th century in the African kingdom of Dahomey, The Woman King follows the all-female group of warriors, the Agojie, who protect the kingdom. The group’s general Nanisca trains a new generation of warriors to fight against an enemy who wants to destroy their way of life.

Ready? Let’s go!

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“The Invitation” requests you enjoy its campy fun

“Don’t fuck this up for all of us, dear.”

Story: Evie is a talented pottery ceramics artist, but she’s barely scraping by after her mother’s death several months ago. So when her friend nabs her a free DNA test swag bag from their latest catering gig? Evie figures why not give it a whirl. Bingo – a second cousin, pops up almost immediately. They meet, as he’s in NYC, and before you know it, Evie is headed to an all-expenses paid vacay in the English countryside. Seems there’s an ultra-posh wedding this weekend, and what better time to meet the whole fam? But things start feeling creepy, and it’s not just the super-Gothic décor ’round the place. At least “call me Walt”, the owner of the FREAKING CASTLE the wedding is to be held, is smoking hot, and seems to be really into Evie. So that’s a plus, right? Right?

Genre I’d put it in: 21st Century Spins On Classics
Release Date: 2022
Remake, Sequel, Based-On, or Original: Based on the characters from Dracula, by Bram Stoker. With a little bit of Ready or Not and Rebecca, for good measure.

Gotta say: Don’t listen to the haters. Invitation is an absolute blast, as long as you keep your expectations where they should be. And where they should be is firmly in the “over-the-top horror goodness” camp. Because oh honey, this film is campy, and the whole cast and crew knows it. So buckle up buttercup, and enjoy the fun.

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In Horror – “Allegoria”

“What’s wrong, sweetheart – too much for you? Prefer the Meisner technique?”

Story: An obnoxious drama teacher. A self-satisfied artist. An egocentric author. A sculptor way too into her art. And a band looking for that perfect series of notes. What do they have in common besides being pretentious as hell? Well, the last word in that previous sentence will give you a hint.

Subgenre: Anthology Horror
Release Date: 2022
FX: Fantastic monster makeup, gruesomely fun gore
Some Clichés/Tropes: Obnoxious Instructors, Pretentious Creators Way Into Their Art, Staring Deeply Into Mirrors, The Scare Of Jump
Where I Watched: Shudder

Spooky or Nah?: I absolutely love a good horror anthology. Hell, I’ll even stare transfixed at a half-assed one. Allegoria takes an interesting premise – art in all it’s various forms – and delivers an interesting batch of stories that are loosely connected, but could easily stand on their own as short films. Unsurprising, as this is the first time writer/director Spider One helmed a feature film, having worked on shorts and music videos prior to this outing. While this film has lofty goals and often reaches for greatness? It comes up shy thanks to messy connections within the stories, and smash cuts that feel more WTF than OOH YEAH.

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In Horror – “From the Depths”


“Hallucinations have no logic.”

Story: A year ago, Liz survived a brutal shark attack that claimed the lives of her fiancé Seth and her sister Payton. Liz has been suffering from extreme survivor’s guilt ever since; barely sleeping, seeing visions of huge sharks coming for her, even having visions of Seth and Payton. But will her new love Roberta be able to finally turn Liz’s sleepy frown upside-down?

Subgenre: Sharkey Shark With Ghosts And Stuff
Release Date: 2020
FX: Cheesy CGI, but fun makeup
Some Clichés/Tropes: Ghosts Gonna Haunt’cha Til You Do What You’re Told, Dream Sequences, Sharkey Shark
Where I Watched: Amazon Prime

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TrailerWatch – Hulu’s “Hellraiser” gives us a glimpse of Jamie Clayton’s Pinhead!

And from what I can see in-between the title text? I’m loving it! For people who are grumbling about “pInHeAd iS mAn thO”? Pumpkin, tell me you haven’t read Clive Barker’s original story without saying it flat out. Jesus wept, indeed. (Plus, Barker is directly involved with with this adaptation, so sit all the way down.) Synopsis!

In “Hellraiser,” a young woman struggling with addiction comes into possession of an ancient puzzle box, unaware that its purpose is to summon the Cenobites, a group of sadistic supernatural beings from another dimension. The ensemble cast includes Odessa A’zion (“Fam,” “Grand Army”), Jamie Clayton (“The L Word: Generation Q,” “Sense8”), Adam Faison (“Everything’s Gonna Be Okay,” “Yes Day”), Drew Starkey (“Outer Banks,” “The Devil All the Time”), Brandon Flynn (“Ratched,” “13 Reasons Why”), Aoife Hinds (“The Long Call,” “Normal People”), Jason Liles (“Stereoscope,” “Rampage”), Yinka Olorunnife (“The Transporter”), Selina Lo (“Boss Level,” “Q8 Unleashed”), Zachary Hing (“Halo”), Kit Clarke (“Leonardo”), with Goran Visnjic (“The Boys,” “Timeless”) and Hiam Abbass (“Succession,” “Blade Runner 2049”).

Hellraiser comes to Hulu October 7th, 2022. Just in time for the most wonderful time of the year!

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Baltimore Screening Pass-palooza – “HONK FOR JESUS. SAVE YOUR SOUL.”!

Ready for some satire? Me too! And this screening asks you to come in your church clothes y’all – because photo ops are gonna happen… Synopsis!

HONK FOR JESUS. SAVE YOUR SOUL. is a satirical comedy starring Regina Hall as Trinitie Childs – the proud first lady of a Southern Baptist megachurch who together with her husband Pastor Lee-Curtis Childs (Sterling K. Brown), once served a congregation in the tens of thousands. But after a scandal forces their church to temporarily close, Trinitie must get creative if they’re to regain access to the lavish blessings that keep them in the extravagant lifestyle to which they’ve become accustomed.

Ready? Let’s go!

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In Queue Review – “Wedding Season” (2022)

“¡Yo quiero Taco Bell!” [According to Ravi, “Indians love Taco Bell!”]

Genre: Adorable Accidental Romance
Release Date: 2022
Where I Watched: Netflix

Gist: Asha has it all; great job, fabulous apartment, and the best hair ever. She’s also got a mom who wants to see her married Right Now. So mom creates an online profile for Asha, and to stop the inevitable craziness? Asha makes a deal to fake a relationship with Ravi, a guy who also wants to be left alone by his dad and all those prying Aunties. I mean, it’s not like they’re gonna fall in love with each other in three months. Right?

Talky talk: I’m a sucker for all things related to Indian weddings. Reality shows that focus on getting those lavish nuptials off the ground? Yes, please. Matchmakers that gather wannabe grooms and brides (and their families)? I’ve got my popcorn. Caste and generational fireworks? *grabby hands* So when Season popped up on Netflix this weekend, I had to check it out. And it was exactly what I wanted on a chill Sunday afternoon; a light and airy confection that spins together enemies-to-lovers, familial pressures, and intriguing subplots that don’t overstay their welcome. Season is the rom-com you’ll want to check out whenever you’re feeling like a love story that doesn’t focus on sap, but has plenty of sweetness. Think of it as the perfect rice pudding; not too sweet, a touch of spice to liven things up, and a softness that lets you sink into it like a cloud. Oh great, now I want rice pudding. DAGNABIT.

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Baltimore Screening Pass-palooza – “Beast”!

Ready to get your Idris on? Yeah baybeeeee! Synopsis!

Recently widowed Dr. Nate Daniels and his two teenage daughters travel to a South African game reserve managed by Martin Battles, an old family friend and wildlife biologist. However, what begins as a journey of healing soon turns into a fearsome fight for survival when a lion, a survivor of bloodthirsty poachers, begins stalking them.

Ready? Let’s go!

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In Horror – “What Josiah Saw”

“God’s got something he wants done, boy.”

Subgenre: Southern Gothic Gone To Rot
Release Date: 2022 (Fantasia Fest in 2021)
FX: Very little blood and such
Some Clichés/Tropes: Crazy “Christianity”, Ghosts of Youth, Freaky Families
Where I Watched: Shudder

Story: Tommy is a grown man living with his alcoholic pa Josiah in the house he grew up in. So when Josiah sees a vision of a “way to make peace with our sins”, they get to work on that. Meanwhile, Tommy’s older brother and sister receive an offer from an oil company to sell the ol’ farm. But everyone in the family needs to sign off. Family reunion time! I’m sure nothing bad will happen.

Spooky or Nah?: Josiah starts off feeling like a cool blend of Southern Gothic and modern-day A24 horror. But sadly, though the cast delivers stellar performances, the plot feels sketched together rather than fully formed. It’s an interesting, chilling idea that never really takes off.

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