Watch “The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power – SDCC Trailer” on YouTube

“Find the light, and the shadow will not find you.”

It’s San Diego ComicCon time y’all! And the first big drop is a teaser of Amazon’s LOTR prequel. It looks beautiful, with a similar feel to Peter Jackson’s films. The music is lush and gorgeous, drawing me in immediately. I’m hoping this will be more LOTR than The Hobbit, in terms of cohesive, un-padded storytelling. Fingers crossed. Synopsis!

Prime Video’s The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power brings to screens for the very first time the heroic legends of the fabled Second Age of Middle-earth’s history. This epic drama is set thousands of years before the events of J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings, and will take viewers back to an era in which great powers were forged, kingdoms rose to glory and fell to ruin, unlikely heroes were tested, hope hung by the finest of threads, and the greatest villain that ever flowed from Tolkien’s pen threatened to cover all the world in darkness. Beginning in a time of relative peace, the series follows an ensemble cast of characters, both familiar and new, as they confront the long-feared re-emergence of evil to Middle-earth. From the darkest depths of the Misty Mountains, to the majestic forests of the elf-capital of Lindon, to the breathtaking island kingdom of Númenor, to the furthest reaches of the map, these kingdoms and characters will carve out legacies that live on long after they are gone.

The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power hits Amazon Prime Video September 2nd, 2022.

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In Horror – “Mad God”

*silence, punctuated by garbled maybe-words, cries, screams, and wet sounds*

Story: The Assassin travels down, down, down a seemingly never-ending path, map in hand, with little to no empathy for the horrifying goings on happening around them. Elsewhere, a baby cries.

Subgenre: Nihilistic Stop Motion Horrors
Release Date: 2022 (festivals in 2021)
FX: About 90% stop motion. Tons of stop motion gore and violence
Some Clichés/Tropes: We’re Rotting Fleshbags, Man Is The Monster, Time Time Time See What’s Become Of Me
Where I Watched: Shudder

Spooky or Nah?: A jumbly mix of 9, Heavy Metal, Dante’s Inferno, Testuo, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Eraserhead, and acid trip fever dream. (Though I may be a bit repetitive with that last descriptive.) All of which is done in glorious stop-motion animation. I don’t care if you’re not a nilihism aficionado; there’s a pervading sense of off-kilter whimsy that tempers any soul-crushing you’d otherwise expect if this was played 100% straight. If you’re into old-school special effects, and/or off-the-beaten-path films? You need to see this movie. It’s 85 minutes, what kind of commitment is that? Not a big one. Dive in.

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With “Nope”, Jordan Peele pulls off a fantastic horror hat trick (#SpoilerFree)

“You can never go wrong with a fried fish sandwich.” [PREACH]

Story: Think I’m telling you, or even giving you a hint? Nope. You’ll thank me later.

Genre I’d put it in: Jordan Peele mind-blowers
Release Date: 2022
Remake, Sequel, Based-On, or Original: Original. And that’s all I’ve got to say about that.

Gotta say: For those of you whose minds are puréed oatmeal after the craziness that’s been the past several years, Nope is Jordan Peele’s third directors credit. And damn if the man didn’t bring his A-game yet again. Yes there will definitely be times when you are watching this film and things like “What…?” “How…?” “Why…?” “But…?” will pop into your head. And that’s to be expected; this is the Jordan Peele joint, so there’s going to be moments where, like his earlier films, Peele wants you to sit and think about stuff rather than spoon-feeding you. He wants you to roll around those screen moments in your brain parts, and discuss them with folks. And believe me, my screening buddies had lots to chatter about outside the theater. I’m betting you will too.

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TrailerWatch – Laurie Strode goes toe-to-toe with Michael Meyers in “Halloween Ends” trailer

This is what we’ve been waiting for, Halloween fans. The moment where Laurie finally – figuratively and hopefully literally – faces off with her nemesis.

There’s no synopsis on the trailer. Just brief moments from the film flashing on screen. After the sputter that was Kills, I’m hoping things go out with a bang. And lots of blood. [EDIT – they just released the synopsis, so here ya go!]

Four years after the events of last year’s Halloween Kills, Laurie is living with her granddaughter Allyson (Andi Matichak) and is finishing writing her memoir. Michael Myers hasn’t been seen since. Laurie, after allowing the specter of Michael to determine and drive her reality for decades, has decided to liberate herself from fear and rage and embrace life. But when a young man, Corey Cunningham (Rohan Campbell; The Hardy Boys, Virgin River), is accused of killing a boy he was babysitting, it ignites a cascade of violence and terror that will force Laurie to finally confront the evil she can’t control, once and for all.

Halloween Ends on October 14th, 2022. Fingers crossed for a treat.

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Baltimore Screening Pass-palooza – “Vengeance”!

Before hitting the multiplex, please consider the health risks involved with participating in group gatherings at this time. Take very good care of yourselves – I wanna see you on the other side.

Ready for some payback? Synopsis!

VENGEANCE, the directorial debut from writer and star B.J. Novak (“The Office”), is a darkly comic thriller about Ben Manalowitz, a journalist and podcaster who travels from New York City to West Texas to investigate the death of a girl he was hooking up with. With an ensemble cast that includes Issa Rae, Ashton Kutcher, Boyd Holbrook, J. Smith-Cameron, and Dove Cameron.

Ready? Let’s go!

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Baltimore Screening Pass-palooza – “Nope”!

… Though I’m sure everyone will be saying YUP to this giveaway! Synopsis!

Oscar® winner Jordan Peele disrupted and redefined modern horror with Get Out and then Us. Now, he reimagines the summer movie with a new pop nightmare: the expansive horror epic, Nope.

The film reunites Peele with Oscar® winner Daniel Kaluuya (Get Out, Judas and the Black Messiah), who is joined by Keke Palmer (Hustlers, Alice) and Oscar® nominee Steven Yeun (Minari, Okja) as residents in a lonely gulch of inland California who bear witness to an uncanny and chilling discovery.

Ready? Let’s go!

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Virtual Screening Pass-palooza – “Don’t Make Me Go”!

A movie title – and screening option – that speaks to the introverted hermit in me… Synopsis!

When single father Max (John Cho) discovers he has a terminal disease, he decides to try and cram all the years of love and support he will miss with his teenage daughter Wally (Mia Isaac) into the time he has left with her. With the promise of long-awaited driving lessons, he convinces Wally to accompany him on a road trip from California to New Orleans for his 20th college reunion, where he secretly hopes to reunite her with her mother who left them long ago.

Shut up, YOU’RE crying! Ready? Let’s go!

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Baltimore Screening Pass-palooza – “Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris”!

Ready for some retro fun and frolic? Synopsis!

In 1950s London, a widowed cleaning lady falls madly in love with a couture Dior dress, deciding she must have one of her own. After working to raise the funds to pursue her dream, she embarks on an adventure to Paris that will change not only her own outlook — but the very future of the House of Dior.

Ready? Let’s go!

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“Thor: Love and Thunder” – goats, dolphins, GOATSIES, and a whole lot of crazy fun

“What a classic Thor adventure! Hurrah!”

Story: When we last left Thor, he had joined up with the Guardians of the Galaxy. And there he is, part of the team…but separate. Seems he’s still coming to terms with what’s happened in the last few MCU phases, and needs to find himself. Meanwhile, his ex, Jane Foster, is having a similar kind of moment. Can these two crazy kids work out their issues before a God-killer mows through the universe? Because there’s a God-killer. And he’s mowing through the universe y’all.

Genre I’d put it in: Taika Waititi Shenanigans Part Deux
Release Date: 2022
Remake, Sequel, Based-On, or Original: Based on the Marvel comics characters. Part of the Marvel Cinematic Multiverse. Sequel to Thor: Ragnarok.

Gotta say: Thunder plays out like The Wizard of Oz, The Phantom Tollbooth, and D’Aulaires Norse Myths were stuck into a blender by Nora Ephron and Peter Max. And it’s glorious mayhem, with a soft, sweet center. While its fluff does dissipate quickly from the ol’ brainpan after you leave the multiplex, it’s a film that not only fits in well as a sequel to Ragnarok, it continues the “long strange trip” vibe of Marvel’s Phase 4. Not too shabby for a candy-colored action-film/love-story combo that turns everything to 11 then rips the knob off.

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“The Black Phone” – chilling, thrilling, and a damn good time

“Are those black balloons in there?” [OMG RUN KID]

Story: It’s 1978 y’all! Pinball machines, stripe-y ski vests, and a serial killer? Yeah, that last one isn’t the best thing to happen to the Denver suburbs. (Not the worst either, but moving on…) But “The Grabber” has been making kids disappear for a while, so when junior high student Finney meets a magician who seems to need help with a bag of groceries? Oh Finney. Don’t help. Whups, too late.

Subgenre: Scary Clowns Are Bad Crime Chillers
Release Date: 2022
FX: Brief, but well done and not overused.
Clichés: Psychic Kid Is Psychic, Vans Are Bad Y’all, Parents Suck, School Sucks, Friends ‘Til The End

Spooky or Nah?: I’d heard this film was the scariest thing that has come out this year. Hmm. Well, scary is relative. Are we talking truly chilling, like “this is disturbing and I’m freaked out”? Or maybe horrific, like “I have to jump into my bed because I’m afraid of what could be under it”? Perhaps a complete and total gross-out “I need a Silkwood shower after watching this” vibe? In my humble opinion, Phone is chilling, with a touch of horror and a wee soupçon of gross-out. With me? No? Okay fine, I’ll elaborate. *stretches out typin’ fingers*

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