#31in31 – “Sissy”

Posted on October 31, 2023 by Denise

“I am loved. I am special. I am enough. I am doing my best. We all are.”

Story: Cecilia used to be the odd duck in primary school, but has blossomed into a popular self-help influencer on her channel Sincerely Cecilia. But when a hen weekend for Cecilia’s school BFF Emma brings together many of her former schoolmates? Cecilia’s school nemesis Alex is also invited, turning the weekend into a hell-scape for poor Sissy Cecilia. CECILIA, DAMMIT.

Scares: Equal parts suspense and horror
Splat Factor: A character or two completely loses it, so yeah there’s messy moments

Subgenre: Bloody Hilarious Revenge-ish Horror
Year Released: 2022
Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Original

Trick or Treat?: HAPPY HALLOWEEN, my sweet Secret Squirrels! I figured I’d end this re-boot of #31in31 with a bang, and let y’all know about a horror movie that came out last year, but hasn’t gotten nearly enough love. This is comfort food for those of us who adore payback’s-a-bitch stories, suffused with camp and dark humor. Sissy is a fantastic blend of satire and horror for the social media era. Just maybe don’t watch it with your friends, unless y’all are really, truly down.

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#31in31 – “The Ones You Didn’t Burn”

Posted on October 30, 2023 by Denise

“There’s something you need to know, and I don’t have much time. Our family killed them. And they never forgot.”

Story: After their dad’s suicide, siblings Nathan and Mirra return to their family homestead. But as they prepare to sell the family land, their family’s centuries-old ownership comes into question, as a group of women who work the siblings’ land say that their coven family owned it first…

Scares: Zero.
Splat Factor: Zero.

Subgenre: Family Legacy Horrors
Year Released: 2023 (Release) 2022 (film fest circuit)
Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Original

Trick or Treat?: Burn is a brief, befuddling mess I wanted to love, but only kinda appreciated. The themes of appropriation, colonizer privilege, “feminine” (caring for the land) vs “masculine” (Manifest Destiny) are powerful ones, and I wish this seventy minute movie had been longer. These subjects could have been an extremely powerful, creepy look at ancestral entitlement and the power of the land. Instead, it’s a quaint, quiet piece that enters and exits much too quickly.

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31in31 – “Sharksploitation”

Posted on October 29, 2023 by Denise

“It’s not a sharksploitation movie unless someone screams ‘Get out of the water!'”

Story: The history of shark films, focusing on the fun, gory, and/or amazing world of sharksploitation.

Scares: Zero unless a few brief clips of sharky jump scares count for you.
Splat Factor: Clips from sharky movies.

Subgenre: Comprehensive Horror Movie Subgenre Documentaries
Year Released: 2023
Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Original

Trick or Treat?: I love shark movies. Even the shitty ones. So when Shudder added this doc to their list, I snapped it up immediately. Then I sat with it a while, and re-watched it for Hallo-month. Damn, this is one impeccably researched documentary y’all. And at an hour and forty five minutes, it gets into so much stuff, including films you’re all but guaranteed to have never heard of before. From the initial shark movies of the mid-20th Century to today’s silly SyFy channel mockbusters, this documentary covers it all.

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#31in31 – “Rose Red”

Posted on October 28, 2023 by Denise

“We say haunted, but what we mean is that the house has gone insane.”

Story: In Seattle, Washington, there’s a house called Rose Red. Owned by the Rimbauer family, it’s said to be haunted. Deaths, disappearances, and other strange occurrences used to happen…until one day, they stopped. Cut to present day, when parapsychology professor Joyce Reardon gathers a team of talented psychics – including a particularly powerful telekinetic named Annie – to “wake up” the house. They succeed. Boy howdy, do they.

Scares: Lots of suspense, ghostly shenanigans, and evil house goings-on.
Splat Factor: it was made for network TV, so? Not so much.

Subgenre: Spooky Stephen King Miniseries
Year Released: 2002
Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Original screenplay, though King did write “The Diary of Ellen Rimbauer: My Life at Rose Red” as a companion piece.

Trick or Treat?: This relatively little-known Stephen King miniseries does not get enough love. Probably because its history on streaming is spotty – it’s currently on Hulu as of the publication date of this review, btw – and the DVD is out-of-print and hard to come by. But even though twenty years later, it’s kinda cheesy? It’s still a whole lot of spooky fun.

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#31in31 – “Five Nights at Freddy’s”

Posted on October 27, 2023 by Denise

“They can see you now.”

Story: Brother and sis Mike and Abby are doing their best after tragedy upon tragedy hit their family. When their Aunt Jane threatens to take custody of Abby, a desperate Mike takes a job at a derelict restaurant/arcade. Night shift, bad pay, huge creepy-ass puppets, troubling history. Paradise! What’s that sound?

Scares: Jumps scaaaaares, baybeeeee!
Splat Factor: PG-13. So, very little. But it’s effective.

Subgenre: Video Game Adaptation Horrors
Year Released: 2023
Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Based on the video game series (and other assorted connected stuff) of the same name.

Trick or Treat?: I’ve watched a few YouTube videos where folks play FNAF…and that’s all I know about this crazy story. Apparently there’s a ton of lore in FNAF. And I know none of it. If you’re a huge FNAF junkie? Based on the moments where fans of the games were cheering and screaming their approval during the screening? I’m gonna say yes. But what about n00bs like me? I liked it. It’s a creepy location, with creepy animatronic puppets doing creepy things, and a story that’s simple (brother and sis gotta stick together) but works very well within the lore. Would I seek it out? Probably, if only to watch with my nieces and nephew, who know more about this kinda stuff, and would turn me on to things I wouldn’t have noticed otherwise. But as a fun, easy to stomach – it is PG-13 after all – horror during Hallo-month? I dig it.

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#31in31 2023 – “Run Sweetheart, Run”

Posted on October 26, 2023 by Denise

“Are you ready?”

Story: Cherie is your typical twenty something young mom. Absolutely adorable little girl, absolutely dull-ass paralegal job, absolutely kickass hopes and dreams. But when a client dinner she takes for her lawyer boss turns out to be an absolutely killer evening, can she step up? Absolutely.

Scares: lots of tension
Splat Factor: women getting hunted and killed? There’s red stuff, but believable, not splattery.

Subgenre: Run Your Ass Off Horror With A Twist
Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Original. In fact, a super cool new twist on the Stay Alive Subgenre.
Year Released: 2022 (Prime; 2020 Sundance)

Trick or Treat?: Run is the kind of movie that makes me really angry at myself. Why did I take this long to watch it? Because it’s fantastic.

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#31in31 – “The Lost Boys”

Posted on October 25, 2023 by Denise

🎶Cry little sister…🎶

Story: Brothers Michael and Sam just moved to “Santa Clara” with their mom. Their grandpa is weird, the beach is awesome, and the nightlife is… Deadly.

Scares: A bit? Kinda? More chills and suspense, but the comedy balances things out.
Splat Factor: Lots of blood, lots of vampire death.

Subgenre:
Year Released: 1987
Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Based – loosely, obviously – on Peter Pan.

Trick or Treat?: I loved this movie back in the day. Had the six sheet sized poster hanging above my bed. Was embarrassingly obsessed with Kiefer Sutherland’s David. And I’ve gotta admit, rewatching it now? I’m still in love with all of it.

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#31in31 – “The Conference” (Konferensen)

Posted on October 24, 2023 by Denise

“…so you better fasten your seatbelts, ’cause it’s time for takeoff! WOO!”

Story: A group of local government employees have finally gotten their project off the ground; the Kolarengen Shopping Center, which will breathe life into that communities’ infrastructure. Probably. But when the group celebrate – er, have “professional development training”, so it can be written off as a business expense – at Kolarsjön Holiday Village, things start to go wrong. Then things start to go weird. And I’m not just talking about their creepy mascot. But that’s part of it. Dammit, where’d everybody go?

Scares: Nah. Unless you’re a soft touch in regards to effective FX.
Splat Factor: The kills are effective, so the blood is loud and proud.

Subgenre: Coworkers In The Woods Slasher
Year Released: 2023
Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Based on the novel of the same name by Mats Strandberg.

Trick or Treat?: Not to be confused with The Conference 2022, this Conference is a coworkers having a “team building exercise” in the woods, as opposed to Nazis in WWII trying to figure out the “final solution”. And honestly? ’22’s film is probably a whole lot scarier. As it stands, Conference is…fine. It’s fine. Mediocre and unremarkable, but otherwise fine.

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#31in31 – “Hell Night”

Posted on October 23, 2023 by Denise

“Now the FUN begins!”

Story: Alpha Sigma Rho hast four new pledges for their co-ed fraternity/sorority/thing. But on their Hell Night – the final night that new pledges must endure before initiation – Our Gang has to spend the night in a mansion with a tragic history. Could one of the twisted family members still live there, with nobody realizing the danger? I mean, DUH. Obviously.

Scares and/or Splat Factor: wide screen and/or cutaway deaths, but it decent enough jump scare-palooza

Subgenre: Collegiate Survive- The-Night Slashers
Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Original, but with lots of lovely 80s slasher clichés

Trick or Treat?: Frat president that looks 45? Check. Token TV heartthrobs? Check. Tons of clichés that would make Scream‘s Randy proud? Check-y check! Night is probably Linda Blair’s most well known movie outside The Exorcist. And it’s a lesser known slasher that’s a goofy good time. From the jump, there’s that red with black shadowed opening credits font… Yeah baby. That’s the stuff.

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#31in31 – “Totally Killer”

Posted on October 22, 2023 by Denise

“OMG mom, you need to stop, okay? This has nothing to do with me. You know, I kinda sorta wish you guys would get over it.”

Story: In 1987, three girls were murdered by the “Sweet Sixteen Killer” – and in present day, high school junior Jamie Hughes is over it already. But then the killer reappears, and murders another of the ol’ class of ’87. When the killer tries to murder Jamie at the school’s science fair? She hides in her friend’s time machine…which picks this time to work. So, what up, 1987?

Scares: Surprisingly effective suspense for a horror comedy that’s heavy on the comedy.
Splat Factor: The killer stabs his victims 16 times. So there’s that.

Subgenre: Cozy Retro Horror Comedies
Year Released: 2023
Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Original, but there are lots of recognizable tropes you’ll enjoy.

Trick or Treat?: I’m a sucker for 80s throwback horror movies. I mean, that’s when I graduated high school, graduated college, got to see all those great classic slashers in theaters…so when Killer doled out it’s teaser awhile back? I was hoping for a good time. I was not disappointed. This new Blumhouse joint is a mashup of Back to the Future, Hot Tub Time Machine, and 80s slashers like Prom Night and Cutting Class. Nahnatchka Khan brings her comedy chops from projects like Fresh Off the Boat and Don’t Trust the B— in Apartment 23, blending it with an 80s aesthetic and just enough blood to keep things, well, slashy. Plus, this film stars one of my favorite young performers, Kiernan Shipka, as Final Girl/Fix-It Girl Jamie. Did y’all mean to make something that included almost everything I adore? Because you did, movie. YOU DID.

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