Freaky Fridays – “Silent Retreat”

Posted on February 25, 2022 by Denise
Horror, Cult Movies, Exploitation Cinema, 70s Schlock, and more! Let’s start the weekend off by getting freaky! Or something like that…

“Please come back! PLEASE!” [editor: NO.]

Genre: Stepford And Descent Ripoffs
Year Released: 2013
Pedigree: NONE.
Where I Watched: Shudder

Synopsis: Janey has two options before her; go to a silent “Heal Thyself” retreat in the woods, or head directly to jail. What’s the worst that can happen out in a cabin in the woods?

Fabulous or Frustrating?: A story about how misogynistic men try to “cure” young women and turn them into perfect wife material is an intriguing concept. It’s been done before, but the “Stepford but at rehab” concept could be fun. A story about how young women who are trying to rebuild their lives at a silent retreat, but find there’s a monster in the woods could also be a good time. But this mangled mess of plot ideas is definitely not a good time. Even the interwebs didn’t want me to find its IMDb page (there’s a few other films with the same name in this new century of ours.) I should have taken the hint.

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Freaky Fridays – “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” (2022)

Posted on February 18, 2022 by Denise
Horror, Cult Movies, Exploitation Cinema, 70s Schlock, and more! Let’s start the weekend off by getting freaky! Or something like that…

“Did that not feel like a bad omen to you? This place is cursed now.”

Genre: Remakes not worthy of the original
Year Released: 2022
Pedigree: Legendary studios similarly titled sequel to the 1974 classic
Where I Watched: Netflix

Synopsis: Remember Harlow, Texas? Y’know, where those horrible chainsaw murders took place, the perpetrator of which was never found? Well, a bunch of young and hungry twenty-somethings bought the whole damn town, in the hope of turning it into a hipster social media “destination”. But there’s still a handful of people who live in the town; a contractor Our Gang has hired to help fix up the place so potential buyers will buy, a very old woman who seems to believe that her deed is still in effect, and her old but still very imposing looking son. When the old woman has a heart attack from the stress of these whippersnappers bullying her, her son is less than pleased. Hey, is that a chainsaw he’s taking out of the wall? Ah, memories.

Fabulous or Frustrating?: there is nothing worse than a film that starts out promising and then limps, crawls, and hiccups its way to the finish. Behold, this insipid disappointing buttfart of a sequel. It should be a whole lot better than it is– the cinematography is breathtaking and the overall concept is intriguing – but it seems like nobody really knew what to do besides the cinematographer.

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TrailerWatch – “Baz Luhrmann’s ELVIS” shakes you up

Posted on February 17, 2022 by Denise

“I’m ready to fly.”

A story about Elvis Presley, told by Baz Luhrmann, from the viewpoint of Tom Hanks as Colonel Tom Parker? SIGN ME UP. Synopsis!

The film explores the life and music of Elvis Presley, seen through the prism of his complicated relationship with his enigmatic manager, Colonel Tom Parker. The story delves into the complex dynamic between Presley and Parker spanning over 20 years, from Presley’s rise to fame to his unprecedented stardom, against the backdrop of the evolving cultural landscape and loss of innocence in America. Central to that journey is one of the most significant and influential people in Elvis’s life, Priscilla Presley.

Elvis hits theaters June 24th, 2022.

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TrailerWatch – “Marvel Studios’ Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness”

Posted on February 13, 2022 by Denise

“You cannot control everything, Strange.”

Hello Superbowl trailers! This one takes a deeper look at the upcoming Doctor Strange sequel, including Wanda, Wong, Mordo, as well as crazy cool FX and a bombastic, wonderful soundtrack by Danny Elfman. I don’t really know what’s going on, but want more.

Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness hits theaters May 6th, 2022.

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Freaky Fridays – “Wrong Turn” (2021)

Posted on February 11, 2022 by Denise

“These are clearly Not Good People. We gotta get the fuck outta here!”

Genre: “Hillbilly” Horror With A Twist
Year Released: 2021
Pedigree: Remake/reimagining of the original 2003 gorefest.
Where I Watched: Showtime

Synopsis: Poor Scott. His college age daughter Jen has been missing for almost two months, ever since she and her friends decided to hike a portion of the Appalachian Trail. But while Scott gets no help from the locals of the small Virginia town Jen last called him from, Jen and her friends have had it worse. Because they did the one thing locals warned against; they went off trail.

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“Marry Me” – a sweet Valentine treat

Posted on February 10, 2022 by Denise

“I am the love of, the love of my life.” – this song (hell, the whole soundtrack) SLAPS.

Genre I’d put it in: Easy To Enjoy JLo Rom-coms
Release Date: 2022 
Remake, Sequel, Based-On, or Original: Based on the graphic novel of the same name by Bobby Crosby. And fellow rom-com addicts will note the usual-but-well-loved clichés and plot beats in this film adaptation.

Story: Kat Valdez is one part of a pop star couple known throughout the world. In fact, she’s planning on marrying her beloved Bastian on stage, singing their new song “Marry Me”. Sweet, right? Um, one problem; Bastian has been cheating on Kat, and she finds out right when she’s about to go on-stage, wearing her wedding dress. So instead of having a public breakdown, she notices regular-guy/cool high school math teacher Charlie Gilbert holding a “Marry ME” sign (that his friend Parker brought)…and decides what the hell. What a fairy tale, right? Bingo! Let the rom-com fun begin!

Gotta say: Me is the perfect double feature with fellow “famous person meets regular schlub” stories like Notting Hill. Or, if you’re going from war of the J-Lo night? Team this one up with the “economically disparate pair fall in love” story Maid to Order. But any way you choose to watch this – and if you’re into rom-coms you’re gonna watch this, I know you (I DO KNOW YOU) – you’re gonna enjoy yourself. Why? Because while Me isn’t doing anything new, the megawatt presence of Lopez and Maluna, coupled with Wilson’s sweetness and a cadre of A+ talent rounding out the cast? This film is almost daring you to not enjoy yourself. Don’t take that bet y’all. You’ll lose. Gladly.

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TrailerWatch – “Jurassic World Dominion”

Posted on February 10, 2022 by Denise

“We created an ecological disaster.”

Ready for the grand finale of the Jurassic World series? Let’s do this!

I’m seeing a time jump of at least a few years, as the little girl Maisie is definitely a teenager now. And it’s looking like we humans have settled into a way of living with dinos…but with humans a few steps below in the pecking order. My only question – how did the entire world get completely overrun with so many species of dinos? Guess I’ll have to wait for the answer.

Jurassic World: Dominion hits theaters June 20th, 2022.

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TrailerWatch – “Firestarter” 2022 lights it up

Posted on February 9, 2022 by Denise

Well, as the original Charlie is now old enough to have her own little Charlies? I guess I’ll allow this remake. Especially as it’s from the folks who gave us that awesome Invisible Man redo. Synopsis!

In a new adaptation of Stephen King’s classic thriller from the producers of The Invisible Man, a girl with extraordinary pyrokinetic powers fights to protect her family and herself from sinister forces that seek to capture and control her.

For more than a decade, parents Andy and Vicky have been on the run, desperate to hide their daughter Charlie from a shadowy federal agency that wants to harness her unprecedented gift for creating fire into a weapon of mass destruction. Andy has taught Charlie how to defuse her power, which is triggered by anger or pain. But as Charlie turns 11, the fire becomes harder and harder to control. After an incident reveals the family’s location, a mysterious operative is deployed to hunt down the family and seize Charlie once and for all. Charlie has other plans.

Loved Efron in Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile, so I’m looking forward to seeing more of his dramatic chops. And though they’ve aged up Charlie to a tweenager, Ryan Kiera Armstrong looks like a worthy successor to Drew Barrymore.

Firestarter – In Theaters and Streaming only on Peacock May 13, 2022.

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“Jackass Forever”, from the viewpoint of someone who’s never seen “Jackass” before

Posted on February 2, 2022 by Denise
Before hitting the multiplex, please consider the health risks involved with participating in group gatherings at this time. Take very good care of yourselves – I wanna see you on the other side.

“WHAT THE HELL AM I WATCHING” – Me, as this cinematic masterpiece unfolds

Story: Once upon a time on MTV, there were a group of guys who figured it’d be a great idea to do really, really stupid shit and film it for a tv series. They were right; their show became a huge hit with lots of spin-offs. But now that the guys are nearing (or in head honcho Johnny Knoxville’s case, passing) fifty, have they learned anything? Well, nope. Not a thing y’all.

Genre I’d put it in: Don’t Do This EVER Reality-mentaries
Release Date: 2022
Remake, Sequel, Based-On, or Original: Based on the show Jackass, and a finale (?) of the Jackass Cinematic Universe

Gotta say: I am not the target audience for this. I’m not cool with bodily functions as humor – my stomach can’t take it. So basically, I’m a lightweight. I can’t say I’ve never watched Jackass; there was one clip I’d seen re-broadcast on another show. In that clip. Steve-O had a stone crab pinch his naked butt. Hilarity – and probably a few stitches – ensued. I shrugged, felt sorry for the poor crab, and moved on. With Forever? I’m doing the same thing. Did I laugh a few times? Of course I did, I’m not completely dead inside. But mostly, I just stared at the screen slack-jawed, trying to figure out what the hell was going on, and why all this middle-school dream fulfillment got such a huge following.

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“Who We Are: A Chronicle of Racism in America” – An Education For Us All

Posted on February 1, 2022 by Denise
NOTE: I watched this film via a digital screener from the comfort my own home. Before hitting the multiplex, please consider the health risks involved with participating in group gatherings at this time. Take very good care of yourselves – I wanna see you on the other side.

“’Slavery is not our fault, we didn’t do it, we didn’t cause it, it’s not our responsibility.‘ But it IS our shared history…. What are we gonna do about it?”

Story: Former ACLU Deputy Legal Director Jeffery Robinson held a talk at Brodway’s Town Hall theater on June 19th, 2018. That Juneteenth presentation was filmed in its entirety, and is shown along with interviews with individuals from all walks of life, including but not limited to “States Rights” defenders, activists, historians, and individuals who survived the most horrific acts of violence done to their families. Buckle up; this one’s gonna grab you.

Genre I’d put it in: Powerful Documentaries That Educate And Fascinate
Release Date: 2022
Remake, Sequel, Based-On, or Original: Documentary uses historical information and footage, as well as tons of facts anyone can verify

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