“No Time to Die” is a sublime 00-swan song for Craig

“Everyone has their secrets. We just didn’t get to yours yet.”

Story: James Bond has retired. And damn if he doesn’t have the most beautiful house in Jamaica. So when CIA poo-bah Felix Leiter comes calling, asking for help? It better be something really important to pull Bond away from top shelf hootch and thousand count thread sheets. The fate of the entire world would do it, I think. Pity MI6 doesn’t want Bond anywhere near Felix’s mission…

Genre I’d put it in: Thrillers. Spy Thrillers.

Remake, Sequel, Based-On, or Original: Based on the Ian Flemming novels, and part of the whole James Bond film thang.

Gotta say: Three hours. THREE. HOURS. (Fine. Two hours and forty five minutes.) I want to get that out there before I start, so you can fully understand my blathering. Because I completely and totally enjoyed the hell out of this movie. Every minute. Typically, here’s the point where I’d say something about how judicious editing could help the story, blah blah. But with Die? Nope. Not a second was wasted. Viewers get gorgeous wide shots, pulse-pounding action, intriguing story progression…and sometimes all three at once. Director Cary Joji Fukunaga knows how to juggle all the cinemating things – witness his excellent work on Beasts of No Nation – and in this film I was absolutely shocked at how the time slipped by. Did I groan when I found out how long this bugger is? You bet. Did I give even a single damn as the credits rolled? Absolutely not.

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TrailerWatch – “The Sandman” tries to capture Death

“You’re gonna need all the help you can get.”

Ooh – this looks amazing! The casting we get to see here looks incredible. And c’mon now, who doesn’t love Charles Dance? (#BrotherNumsie)

The Sandman hits Netflix…sometime this year.

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Baltimore Screening Pass-palooza – “The Many Saints of Newark”!

Before hitting the multiplex, please consider the health risks involved with participating in group gatherings at this time. Take very good care of yourselves – I wanna see you on the other side.

A Sopranos prequel? Yes please! Synopsis!

Young Anthony Soprano is growing up in one of the most tumultuous eras in Newark’s history, becoming a man just as rival gangsters begin to rise up and challenge the all-powerful DiMeo crime family’s hold over the increasingly race-torn city. Caught up in the changing times is the uncle he idolizes, Dickie Moltisanti, who struggles to manage both his professional and personal responsibilities—and whose influence over his nephew will help make the impressionable teenager into the all-powerful mob boss we’ll later come to know: Tony Soprano.

Ready? Let’s go!

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Virtual Giveaway for the premiere of “Welcome to the Blumhouse – Black as Night”!

Remember the first round of Welcome to the Blumhouse? Those creepy cool films that streamed on Amazon Prime? Well, there’s a new batch coming, and I have passes for a virtual screening/premier of the first film, a vampire joint called Black as Night! Synopsis!

A resourceful teenage girl leaves childhood behind when she battles a group of deadly vampires in Black as Night, an action-horror hybrid with a strong social conscience and a biting sense of humor. Fifteen years after Hurricane Katrina ravaged New Orleans, a new threat leaves its mark on the Big Easy in the form of puncture wounds on the throats of the city’s vulnerable displaced population. When her drug-addicted mom becomes the latest victim of the undead, 15-year old Shawna (Asjha Cooper) vows to even the score. Along with three trusted friends, Shawna hatches a bold plan to infiltrate the vampire’s mansion in the historic French Quarter, destroy their leader, and turn his fanged disciples back to their human form. But killing monsters is no easy task, and soon Shawna and her crew find themselves caught in a centuries-old conflict between warring vampire factions, each fighting to claim New Orleans as their permanent home.

Ready? Let’s go!

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Elsewhere Reviews: Kit Kat Duos Mint and Dark Chocolate Candy Bar

Originally published at The Green Man Review!

Remember those Andes Mints? Yeah, they still make ‘em, but when was the last time you actually had one? If it was less than a few years ago, I’m jealous. They used to be everywhere, from next to your bill at the restaurant, to on your pillow at your hotel, and of course there was at least one relative who kept a passel of them in the fridge for when family dropped by. Though I see them every so often around the December holidays, they seem to be laying low on the daily.

There is a substitute clamoring for your attention, however. Someone who’s eager to fill the void in your heart and stomach. Yep, Kit Kat has made all sorts of flavors in the past (and a huge number of flavors in Japan) , but this one seems to be the one that would play well even in Peoria. Mint and dark chocolate. Sounds refined, no? Yes. And I’m not just saying that because I’m a dark chocolate addict. This bar – with it’s four sticks of deep dark chocolate and grasshopper-cocktail green “creme” coating – looks to be just the thing for chocolate lovers who want to hark back to yesteryear. (Or just stave off the need for Thin Mints ‘til the next Girl Scouts cookie season.) 

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Elsewhere Reviews: Kit Kat Duos Mocha and Chocolate Candy Bar

Originally published at The Green Man Review!

Chocolate and coffee are two flavors that seem made for each other. Both are bitter unless sweetened, some sort of milk makes them smoother and easier on the tum, and both are considered a treat after dinner. So naturally, when Kit Kat (fine, as much as I love KitKat as one word, I’ll follow their example – SIGH) decided to come out with a bunch of combo-flavors? Mocha and chocolate was at the top of the list. And yeah, I understand that mocha and chocolate is basically coffee, chocolate, and chocolate. But I’m okay with that.

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Freaky Fridays – “Malignant”

Horror, Cult Movies, Exploitation Cinema, 70s Schlock, and more! Let’s look at something cool! 

This film is so full of silly crap, two quotes win placement up top. Hooray!

Oh my God he speaks.”
‘He’s broadcasting his thoughts!’ – #CaptainObvious

“So I’m putting out a BOLO on Sloth from The Goonies?” – I can’t tell whether this line is supposed to be satirical, or lampshading. Or both. But it feels so much like CinemaSins, I’m adding a sin.

Genre: Horror Ripoffs Couched As Homage
Year Released: 2021
Pedigree: Written, produced, and directed by horrormeister James Wan
Where I Watched:  HBOMAX

Synopsis: Maddie is a nurse, I think? She’s got an abusive hubby, and a baby on the way. But when a shocking event happens? People start dying. Nobody she knows…OR DOES SHE? *cue way too loud repetitive bass beat*

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Elsewhere Reviews: Kit Kat Key Lime Pie Candy Bar – Limited Edition

Originally published at The Green Man Review!

Key lime pie. Kitkats. (I know. Hershey’s has this candy as two words, but I’ve always thought of ‘em as one. So that’s what I’m going with.) Two great tastes, right? With this limited edition flavor, you bet’cha. And I’m as surprised as you are.

This treat is labeled as wafers and a “key lime creme”, but there is a bit of chocolate listed in the ingredients. Milk and honey are listed there too, so keep that in mind if you’re limiting certain items. However, this is a treat, plain and simple, so why not indulge if you’ve a mind to? Especially when you get that whiff of key lime as soon as the package cracks open. The bar is a lovely shade of light pastel lime, and the four individual bars (in the regular pack) are softer than the regular chocolate used in their old faithful, but have a nice snap if, like me, you keep ‘em in the fridge before serving. (Even better; put a bar in the freezer for a real crunch.) 

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Elsewhere Reviews: Kit Kat Fruity Cereal Candy Bar – Limited Edition

Originally published at The Green Man Review!
One bite in, and off to the bin.

Fruit Loops candy? Sure. I’m game. Though I guess KK couldn’t spring for the rights for the official cereal, or Kelloggs didn’t want to do a collab. I can see why. DAMN this smells like candy plastic. You know what I’m talking about; when a food has so many chemical reactions going on that all you can think of is an 80s Strawberry Shortcake doll and that “strawberry” smell. But with more plastic.

This bar was so weird-in-a-gross-way I was actually scared to bite into this bad boy. Though gotta admit the McDonald’s Strawberry Milkshake Pink look of the “creme” coating is super cute. And are those rainbow sprinkles scattered throughout the coating? Aww! You’re adorable, boo. But I don’t trust you… Okay y’all, I’m going in. We’re real timing this, baybeeeee. (Yes I’m scared and using humor as a coping mechanism. Thank you for noticing.)

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“Queenpins” struck out with me

“Okay, here goes nothin’.”

Story: Two women who try their best and still can’t break even decide to take their high level couponing higher. Y’know by counterfeiting coupons. Naturally, they get busted…but it’s the journey to that destination, right?

Genre I’d put it in: Based-on-a-true-story Comedies That Could Have Been Better
Remake, Sequel, Based-On, or Original: Based on a true story.

Gotta say: Okay, so I got this screener yesterday afternoon and hit theaters today, so I’m cranking this out top speed, no edits. Let’s do this… Interesting premise. High quality actors giving it their best. The comedic teamwork of leads Kristen Bell and Kirby Howell-Baptiste.

But.

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