TrailerWatch: “The Turning”

“Bad dreams?”

What as beautiful house!  And such lovely children. Being a nanny here should be amazing right? Maybe not, in this film… Synopsis!

For more than 100 years, a deeply haunting tale has been passed down to terrify audiences. Next January, DreamWorks Pictures’ The Turning takes us to a mysterious estate in the Maine countryside, where newly appointed nanny Kate is charged with the care of two disturbed orphans, Flora and Miles. Quickly though, she discovers that both the children and the house are harboring dark secrets and things may not be as they appear.

You’ve got time to check out The Turn of the Screw, the classic novella by Henry James that this film is based on, but maybe read it during Halloween month for maximum chills? The Turning hits theaters January 24th, 2020.

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#31in31 2019 – “Monster Party” (2018)

“We’re not animals.”
‘Aren’t we?’

Story: Casper needs money to settle his dad’s debts to a loan shark. So why no pose as waiters for a posh family’s party in Malibu? He and his friends Iris and Dodge have broken into other houses for loot; this should be no sweat. Just blood and tears.

Scares: More suspense than scares.

Splat factor: Body parts, beatings and chainsaw carnage, though a lot is either off screen or in a wide shot. Okay, you may wanna pass on this if the idea of someone using another person’s severed hand to clap with grosses you out. Continue reading

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Book Giveaway: “The Goldblum Variations”!

Have I got a treat for you guys. If you like Jeff Goldblum – and who doesn’t, really – you’re gonna want to get your grubby littles on this paperback. Because trust me, it’s awesome. I’ve pawed through it – review forthcoming y’all – and enjoyed every second. Back cover 411!

You like Jeff Goldblum. We like Jeff Goldblum. Helen McClory really likes Jeff Goldblum. So lie back, Jurassic Park-style, and prepare to enjoy The Goldblum Variations, a collection of stories, musings, puzzles, and games based on the one and only Jeff Goldblum as he (and alternate versions of himself) travels through the known (and unknown) universe in a mighty celebration of weird and wonderful Goldbluminess.

Maybe he’s cresting the steep bluffs of a mysterious planet on an epic treasure hunt, maybe he’s wearing a nice sweater, maybe he’s reading from this very book. The possibilities are endless. Treat yourself . . . because all that glitters is Goldblum.

You damn right it is. Ready? Let’s do this!

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Baltimore Screening Pass-palooza: “Malificent: Mistress of Evil”!

Her origin story was a cool spin on her myth… So let’s see where she goes from there, shall we? Synopsis!

In Disney’s “Maleficent: Mistress of Evil,” a sequel to the 2014 global box office hit, Maleficent and her goddaughter Aurora begin to question the complex family ties that bind them as they are pulled in different directions by impending nuptials, unexpected allies and dark new forces at play. The years have been kind to Maleficent and Aurora. Their relationship, born of heartbreak, revenge and ultimately love, has flourished. Yet the hatred between man and the fairies still exists. Aurora’s impending marriage to Prince Phillip is cause for celebration in the kingdom of Ulstead and the neighboring Moors, as the wedding serves to unite the two worlds. When an unexpected encounter introduces a powerful new alliance, Maleficent and Aurora are pulled apart to opposing sides in a Great War, testing their loyalties and causing them to question whether they can truly be family.

Ready? Let’s go!

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#31in31 2019 – “Bite”

“Are we seriously doing this?”

Story: Casey, a bachelorette that’s getting cold feet, gets dragged to the usual “not for tourists” spot for a swim during her pre-wedding getaway. But there’s nothing usual after she gets a strange bite while in the water. Nope…Brundlefly powers, activate!

Scares: Lots of creepy.

Splat factor: LOTS of goop. Continue reading

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#31in31 2019 – “It Stains the Sands Red”

“Bet you were a real ladies man before this; you obviously enjoy the chase!”

Story: A woman named Molly and her boyfriend (don’t get attached) hightail it out of Vegas when the zombie outbreak happens. They’re making their way to an airfield that’ll take them to an island. Nice idea. But their car gets stuck on the road to nowhere. Bad idea. Soon the woman trades her living boyfriend for a shiny (bloody) new zombie that’s just as attached. Maybe more so. Will she make it to the airfield on foot, through 36 miles of desert? That zombie is hoping she won’t.

Scares: Not a lot, this film is more like a character study with lots of dark humor.

Splat factor: Zombies like guts. Continue reading

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#31in31 2019 – “The Cured”

“Are you one of the Cured? Will you be sick again?”

Story: What happens if those infected during a zombie-like outbreak were cured? Worse yet, if they remember what they did while infected? The “The Third Wave” of cured individuals are finally being reintegrated into society. I’m sure they’ll fit back in fine, and will be welcomed with open arms. Meanwhile, the final 25% of infected, the “Resistant”…they’re still out there.

Scares: Lots of chills during this slow burn.

Splat factor: Strangely, not much. Yes there’s blood and carnage, but not much onscreen. Continue reading

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#31in31 2019 – “Cell”

“Open up, we’re Americans!”

Story: A guy gets off an airplane at Boston International Airport. Normal, right? But then a strange sound comes from the cell phones in use, causing people to seize and foam at the mouth. Then those folks go all 28 Days Later on people who didn’t hear the signal. Definitely not normal. Looks like this guy won’t be making it up to see his son any time soon.

Scares: Lots of high quality suspense.

Splat factor: People go batshit and tear others apart? Yeah. Continue reading

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#31in31 2019 – “The Autopsy of Jane Doe”

“Trust me, this is a storm that you don’t want to get caught up in.”

Story: Police find the body of a young woman at a strange crime scene, and bring it to a morgue staffed by a father and son. As they conduct the autopsy, strange things start to happen. Then things really get weird.

Scares: Lots of high quality tension and suspense, along with all the creepy.

Splat factor: Check the title. Continue reading

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“Joker” – a tricky masterpiece

“That’s not funny.”

Story: Arthur Fleck is a born underdog; the kind of man who’s the living embodiment of Murphy’s Law. All he wants to do is make people laugh, won’t anyone just laugh? They’ll laugh, alright. They’d better.

Genre I’d put it in: Brilliant Films That Make Me Go Hmm

Remake, Sequel, Based-On, or Original: Based on the character (and his mythology) from DC Comics.

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