“No one is as dumb as I appear to be.”
Story: An old guy finds some bubbling white goo on the ground. Naturally he eats some, and decides to market it. Soon, everyone wants The Stuff. No calories, tasty as hell…is it moving by itself? DON’T PUT UNKNOWN SUBSTANCES INTO YOUR MOUTH. Free advice, kiddies.
Scares: Mostly satirical humor, but a few gross out moments.
Splat factor: People become husks after too much Stuff. But most Splat is white goo. Continue reading
“Boy’s locker room? Smells like something died in here!”
Story: Brian spent five years in a mental hospital after being accused of killing his father. When he starts high school with the kids he used to know, everything goes smoothly and absolutely nobody gets killed. Sike! But what’s really happening, and why?
Scares: Not many, but some decent suspense as you try to figure out who’s doing what.
Splat factor: Mild. Halloween-esque at most. Continue reading
Chocolate. Deadly, apocalyptic chocolate. And caramel with cookies too. I don’t know who did these ads, but those folks are heroes. Delightfully sick…and yet it all looks so delicious. Check out my favorite one below, and get ready for Trick or Treat by looking at all the tricks Lacta has up its sleeve in this series!
“Here kitty kitty kitty.”
Story: A psychiatrist becomes agoraphobic after an attack. But when murders plague San Francisco, a police investigator asks for her help.
Scares: Mostly thrills, but some serial killer chills.
Splat factor: Mostly photos of kills, some blood and after-effects of attacks.
Closing scene “shocker”?: Yeah, and that’s a helluva bummer because everything wraps up nicely til then. This “twist” is just silly sequel bait. Continue reading
Ready for some holiday cheer? No, not our current holiday, I’m talking Christmas-y. Be on the cutting edge of the December festivities with a screening of Disney’s The Nutcracker and the Four Realms! Synopsis!
All Clara (Mackenzie Foy) wants is a key – a one-of-a-kind key that will unlock a box that holds a priceless gift. A golden thread, presented to her at godfather Drosselmeyer’s (Morgan Freeman) annual holiday party, leads her to the coveted key—which promptly disappears into a strange and mysterious parallel world. It’s there that Clara encounters a soldier named Phillip (Jayden Fowora-Knight), a gang of mice and the regents who preside over three Realms: Land of Snowflakes, Land of Flowers and Land of Sweets. Clara and Phillip must brave the ominous Fourth Realm, home to the tyrant Mother Ginger (Helen Mirren), to retrieve Clara’s key and hopefully return harmony to the unstable world. Starring Keira Knightley as the Sugar Plum Fairy, Disney’s new holiday feature film “The Nutcracker and the Four Realms” is directed by Lasse Hallström and Joe Johnston, and inspired by E.T.A. Hoffmann’s classic tale.
Ready? Let’s go!
“Don’t be a hater.”
Story: Skylar Lewis is a soon-to-be sixteen year old whose parents have locked in her in the house for Halloween while they’re away. So why not cut the power and slip out to that party? Well, her parents have a DL job that requires them to store stuff in the basement. Unnatural stuff. Under electric lock down. Oopsie.
Scares: Disney Channel. Absolutely zero, unless you count the sequel bait at the end.
Nightmare Factory?: Very wee ones may be scared of the monsters, but otherwise it’s absolutely tame. Continue reading
“And remember…you should never let the truth get in the way of a good story.”
Story: The local blacksmith is known as a dangerous kook in the nearby village, and with good reason. But when a little girl enters his home, she finds he’s got a little boy locked up in a gibbet cage. She goes to unlock him…and that’s probably a really bad idea.
Scares: A few chills when the dark side really gets going.
“Hey – what happened to fuckface?”
Story: It’s the zombie apocalypse again y’all! And the military are doing just fine thank you very much. Oh who are we kidding? It’s a shit show everywhere. Except for the zombies. A few seem to…understand. Great. Man, it sucks being a first responder during the zombie apocalypse, having to check out things you should be running away from.
Scares: Not many, especially if you’re a fan of the orignal. Or have ever seen a zombie movie in your life.
Splat factor: Romero remake with straight-to-video FX.
Clowns are scary. Full stop. No ifs, ands or buts. Just watch It and tell me I’m wrong. But I’m not. I’m totally right on this one. Luckily, ScreenPrism agrees with me, and even did the research as to why clowns are creepy AF.
Check out this great video essay before all those little ghosts, goblins and *shudder* clowns start coming around your neighborhood. When it come to most things – including clowns – #themoreyouknow…
I’ve heard absolutely amazing things about this movie, and I’m happy that I’ve got passes for the B’more screening of Green Book! Synopsis!
When Tony Lip (Mortensen), a bouncer from an Italian-American neighborhood in the Bronx, is hired to drive Dr. Don Shirley (Ali), a world-class Black pianist, on a concert tour from Manhattan to the Deep South, they must rely on “The Green Book” to guide them to the few establishments that were then safe for African-Americans. Confronted with racism, danger—as well as unexpected humanity and humor—they are forced to set aside differences to survive and thrive on the journey of a lifetime.
For folks who don’t know, The Green Book is actually a real thing that many people used to get around in questionable areas. Ready to get one film closer to having your Award Season movie list checked off? Let’s go!
Got a dollar to spare? A quarter?
Atomic Fangirl 