Atomic Fangirl

Ein! Zwei! Die! – tag line

Story: Nazi zombies! In the mountains! No cell phones, no way in or out without a long hike! Our group of 8 friends who came up for the weekend are probably gonna meet ’em before the end. Uh-oh.

Scares: Plenty. This Norwegian film knows how to slowly twist the unease into flat out fear, and then to dripping, gory horror. There’s a nice bit of joking and goofy goings-on to break up the tension, and the switches from humor to horror are believable. Aaaaaaand the group doesn’t act like idiots; once the sheisse goes down, they don’t dumb down. And that’s refreshing y’all.

Splat factor: A hand is chopped off, a head is ripped in two, and that’s just the halfway point! Yowza!

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul):  Original. Though a sequel is in pre-production.

Closing scene “shocker”?: I said clichés are all over the place here. So guess for yourself.

Trick or Treat?: A definite treat from our Norwegian friends. There’s a ton of scares here, but for me the scariest scene was when two of the gang have sex in the outhouse. A freezing cold, old, icky outhouse. Eek. (But one of the best attack scenes ever happens in that same outhouse, so it balances out.)

Dead Snow takes the usual slasher film tropes and gives them a tweak. And there’s a ton of ’em here. Old Man Who KNOWS, the ever popular First Death As Prologue, All Knowing Movie Nerd, Creepy Cabin…. Still, this film works. The zombies are also well done, from the minimal but effective makeup to the way they move and interact. But where did that one zombie get his white hunting jumpsuit? Inquiring minds wanna know m

One thing though; director Tommy Wirkola also helmed Hansel And Gretel: Witch Hunters. Which means the sequel to this film – tentatively called Red Snow 2: Red vs. Dead – better be amazing, because he’s got lot to answer for.

Score: 

out of 5 pumpkins

Story: Hey, I’m back from my science thing in New Guinea! I brought back a strange, huge skeleton! I’m sure it won’t kill anything. Hey, why is it growing skin where I put water on it? Oh well, I’m sure it’ll be a really Good Thing. Wait — it’s the Essence Of Pure Evil? Let me inject my daughter with a serum I made from that icky blood! What could possibly go wrong?

Scares: This movie freaked me the hell out when I was a kid. Sadly, there’s nary a chill to be found nowadays. Chalk it up to a silly plot and unintentionally hilarious FX. (The “creeping flesh” finger really looks like the creeping dildo. And once that got into my head, there was no getting to any kind of scary.) The scariest moment? The start of the film, with it’s acid-trip painting that hints at what’s to come.

See what I mean?

Splat Factor: Just some funky skin “growing” on a skeleton, and a few bits of bright red “blood” that looks like elementary school tempera paint, and a few bits of grue here and there. One cool bit at the big finish, when you see the skeleton in all it’s “creeping flesh” glory? Kinda cool. But by then I’d already giggled myself to death.

Closing scene “shocker”?: Indeed there is. Though if you’ve peeked at the Wiki on this film it’s already spoiled for you. But if not? It’s a great twist that wraps the crazy train ride of this film up pretty well.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: It’s from 1973, so it feels original. And it is.

Trick or Treat?: It’s like a candy you loved as a kid, but then try it as an adult and it’s just not as good.  The Creeping Flesh is one step (and a very small one) away from MST3K territory. Why though? This movie has all the 70s Gothic goin’ on; a freakish skeleton, an insane asylum, a family with a history of madness…. And Peter Cushing & Christopher Lee. But I have to admit that I fell asleep three quarters of the way in. I woke up, drank a Coke, and got back to business. But the story feels slow and strange, and not the good strange. No, it’s not that I’m an MTV Kid that can’t focus on things for long — SQUIRREL! — but it’s the weird, aimless story that seems like a cut-and-paste job from several different edits of the screenplay.

There’s definite Lovecraft-ian moments here, especially with the skeleton/creature and the whole “pure evil” thing. However, with so much going on, there’s little to hold on to. Lee and Cushing definitely class up the joint, expecially with their sibling one-upmanship, but this one’s for Lee/Cushing shippers only. Or anyone into cheesy claymation-lite FX.

Score:  out of 5 pumpkins. It gets an extra pumpkin because of Lee and Cushing.

“Honestly Max, it’s a wonder they don’t all kill each other.”

Story: The Breakfast Club A group of teens hold a seance in the library instead of bonding during a Saturday detention. And the library? Built on land taken from a Native American. The six kids in detention don’t have a single thing in common. Or do they? One thing’s for sure; they’ll all bleed the same….

Scares: More a self aware horror dark comedy than true horror, but it’s got a few good jumps. Fantastic twists on the “Boo! A Ghost!” bit in horror movies thrown in here and there, amid deaths so out-there they’re hilarious. Bravo, y’all.

Splat factor: More like a squish? There’s gore, but not a lot. Even then, it’s either over the top, or subtle. No splatter pr0n, and that works here. As far as other FX? The CGI roaches are silly and look cheesy. But a broken leg effect is pretty sweet.

Closing scene “shocker”?: Since the movie starts at the end and then plays out as a flashback, not really. Still, there’s a final bit at the start of the end credits that ties things up. Nicely? Not a chance.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Some may be tempted to say this is a remix of The Breakfast Club (oops.) But aside from the snarky references to that 80s classic early on, this film is original.

Trick or Treat?: Judd Nelson as Headmaster means there’s a lot of tongue in cheek ham for everyone to enjoy. And enjoy it I did. Be sure to check out the cafeteria scene; Wheelchair Guy does the best Beaker Face ever.

My only real quibble? “Who knows how long we’ll be stuck in here?” Uh, 8 hours kids. The length of your detention. So sit down and chill rather than freaking out and making things worse. But then we wouldn’t get any more bloodshed…. Carry on.

Campy fun that doesn’t take itself seriously, with a touch of spooky to make me want to re-watch it on a rainy night. Or any night when I want a bit of wink-wink nudge-nudge with my horror, and don’t need a buttload of gore. Oh, and didn’t I mention that Bad Kids Go To Hell is based on the kickass comic book miniseries of the same name? Ten coolness points for Hufflepuff!

Score: 4 out of 5 pumpkins.