Story: Beautiful women have gone missing in the city of Turin, Italy. Soon it’s obvious that there’s a serial killer on the loose. But not your usual serial killer…”a trapper”. That doesn’t bode well for the latest woman who’s gone missing.

Scares: Nary a one. A few jumpy shocks maybe, but scares? Nada.

Splat factor: Though most of the torture pr0n occurs off-screen, there’s still a bit of gore here. It IS Dario Argento, after all.

Closing scene “shocker”?: Only when you’ve noticed how much time has gone by and you think about what else you could have been doing.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: OG. If you can call this original.

Trick or Treat?:  Dario. Serial killer. A no-brainer, right?  Uh, well.  Like a predictable boyfriend, this film hits all the spots, but in the usual, expected manner. Giallo feels like a self-important,travelog version of Law & Order: SVU.  But as giallo means “yellow” and is also used to describe the crime fiction genre in Italy, that shouldn’t be too surprising.

There are three things that are simply awesome in this movie though.  Location, location, location!  Italy is simply beautiful, and even though this movie is a wash, the settings aren’t.  Example: the kidnapped sister’s apartment.  Lookit that view! Damn, I’d watch an hour and a half of a camera shooting out that window. Fek me that’s gorgeous.

As the woman who’s looking for her missing sister & the police detective working on the case, Emmanuelle Seigner and Adrian Brody are mismatched, acting wise. It’s like pairing a high school bit player with an Oscar winner. In fact, it’s probably just like that.  Oh, and the weird looking killer is also played by Brody, who looks like he had to spend a few hours in the makeup chair to pull double-duty.  (Don’t worry; that tidbit is something you’d have guessed on your own five minutes into the film.)

Hey, with Adrian Brody at least this is better than the bizarre yawnfest Four Flies on Grey Velvet.  So Giallo has that goin’ for it.  Sadly, Brody had to sue to get paid for this film.  Which is a hint & a half on how well this puppy did at the box office.

Score: out of 5 pumpkins.

Story: Did you know that there’s a Scientific Research Institute for the study of Homicidal Baked Goods?  Yep.  And so when their most menacing killer, the Gingerdead Man, escapes thanks to an ill-conceived break-in by baked goods activists, he stumbles upon a time machine and gets sent back to 1976.  And it’s the final night of a roller boogie disco; how many of the contestants for Miss Roller Boogie 1976 will survive?  And how does a gingerbread man manage to slaughter so many people?

Scares: Absolutely none, unless you count seeing Adolph Hitler roller boogie.  This film is played strictly for laughs.

Splat Factor: Splat Factor:  There’s old-school wax & Karo, with some new-school CGI.  But the gory kills interrupt the campy hijinx and horror movie spoofs, so there’s never a truly scary moment in the whole shebang.

Closing Scene “Shocker”?:  Nope; in fact, there’s a happy ending!  Disco will live forever!

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Part three of the series.  No, seriously; there’s two other Gingerdead Man movies before this one.  Really.

Trick or Treat?: It’s a treat you know you shouldn’t enjoy, but do anyway.  (Kinda like my addiction to Lik-M-Aid; a perfect 70s treat for this 70s-themed spoof.)  This film is a great “last skate”…er, final film for a Halloween horrorthon.  Everybody’s tired, drunk, amped on candy, or all three.  Why not put on a killer spoof about a deadly cookie?  Even if nobody else likes it, they’ll all think it was a bad dream.  But it’s actually a hoot.  Seriously, anyone who expects Fine Entertainment from this film is smokin’ the loco weed.  And not sharing.  Which is poor form, y’all.

How drunk was I when I watched this?  YES.  However, my review stands.  From the jokes about The Silence of the Lambs, Carrie, Roller Boogie, Saturday Night Fever and even The Omen (“it’s all for you!”), Gingerdead Man 3 is hilarious.  This isn’t sci-fi or any other true genre work, this is strictly camp and damn proud of it, so Butterfly Effect be-damned.  This spoof has everything worth watching in a film that makes fun of genre films: a roller boogie makeover!  Bikini carwashes!  LSD-trippin’ sex!  Satin and Qiana everywhere!  And best of all, Trixie — the owner of the roller disco — looks like Randy Quaid in drag!  (Mostly because she’s really played by Jackie Beat, who is the persona of performer/screenwriter Kent Fuher.)  Selena Luna, best known as Margaret Cho’s assistant, plays the Roller Disco DJ with a coke problem, and screenwriter Muffy Bolding makes fun of the Porky’s gym teacher in her role as Ingrid.

This film gets an entire extra pumpkin for the great costuming as well as the theme song “Disco You To Death”.  With lyrics like “come on disco baby, let’s cut the rug; trip the light fantastic ’til the room is filled with blood”.  That’s good Halloween ringtone stuff right there.  So sit back, grab one more beer or caramel apple, and enjoy the stupid.

Score: out of 5 pumpkins.